Mum thinks I'm going down to see her every day and gets upset, any advice/

[Jpows]

Hi I don't live close to my mum but do visit every week. Lately she thinks i'm going to go every day. She messages me on the phone saying 'tell me when you set out' and I reply immediately letting her know when i'll be going and that i'm not there today. She doesn't read that and gets more and more anxious and upset saying i've let her down and she's so disappointed as the day goes on. She sits in her coat and shoes most the day after her carer has been. I write details on her calendar but she now doesn't really refer to that at all. I tried writing it on the fridge, this wasn't effective. She has a dementia clock and i guide her to that but it doesn't stop this process every morning, On occasion she will answer the phone so i can calm her down, but she only answers about one call in 10. Any tips or advice anyone?

 

[Louise7]

Hello @Jpows and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. As dementia progresses people can become more anxious, particularly if they are living alone, and it sounds like your mum now needs more support. My mum went through a similar stage when she lived at home and it's difficult to manage, and as you are finding, writing things down or trying to explain when you will be visiting next doesn't work. Have you considered seeing of there are any groups or day centres locally that your mum could go to? Although she initially said that she didn't want to go somewhere which was 'full of old people', my mum really enjoyed going to the day centre once she'd been, and they provided a lunch and activities plus transport there and back a couple of days a week. The local authority adult care team should be able to let you know what's available in your mum's area, or you could maybe consider a befriender service, someone to come in and spend time with your mum? This is something that Age UK provide in some areas, so perhaps have a look to see if that sort of service is available? Hope this helps, and this is a friendly, supportive place so others will probably be along with more suggestions too.

 

[Jpows]

Hello @Jpows and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. As dementia progresses people can become more anxious, particularly if they are living alone, and it sounds like your mum now needs more support. My mum went through a similar stage when she lived at home and it's difficult to manage, and as you are finding, writing things down or trying to explain when you will be visiting next doesn't work. Have you considered seeing of there are any groups or day centres locally that your mum could go to? Although she initially said that she didn't want to go somewhere which was 'full of old people', my mum really enjoyed going to the day centre once she'd been, and they provided a lunch and activities plus transport there and back a couple of days a week. The local authority adult care team should be able to let you know what's available in your mum's area, or you could maybe consider a befriender service, someone to come in and spend time with your mum? This is something that Age UK provide in some areas, so perhaps have a look to see if that sort of service is available? Hope this helps, and this is a friendly, supportive place so others will probably be along with more suggestions too.

Thanks @Louise7 I have an offer for her to go to a day centre so the next step there is for us to go together for a trial. Your message reminded me to arrange that as soon as possible. I will look into the befriender service, that could be very helpful.