Mum recently diagnosed with Alzeihmers

[Lunaloo]

My lovely mum has recently been diagnosed with Alzeihmers 3 weeks ago after 10 months of tests and appointments. I’m looking for any advice and support along this heartbreaking journey.Mum has been living with me since end of September as she had a nasty fall and has been in and out of hospital 3 times , where they treated her for pneumonia . She has had 2 further falls since h then and then had covid !!! It’s been a very very worrying few months . I’m finding it all very overwhelming at the moment and scared of what is ahead . Im looking to get her back home to see how she manages . The Alzeiheimers society have been very helpful and have given me lots of advice . Can anyone recommend any indoor monitors that I can install, which will let me speak to her as I’m
Very worried about her falling as she lives on her own .

Unfortunately my husband passed away with MND 4 years ago after a brave battle with MND and then my Dad 6 weeks later very suddenly in his sleep . I am an only child and my close family live 3 hours away in London . I have a beautiful daughter who is 15 who is currently still struggling with the loss of her Dad and grandad. Im feeling the weight is on my shoulders trying to help mum but also still support my daughter who is currently doing GCSE mocks .

Any advice and support would be much appreciated.

 

[canary]

Hello @Lunaloo

Can I say how very sorry I am to hear about the loss of your husband and your dad and now dealing with your mums diagnosis. I am not surprised that you are feeling overwhelmed.

I am not techie enough to advise you about monitors, cameras etc and Im sure that someone else will be along who can help. I am, though, very concerned about the whole situation. Three months ago, you felt it necessary for your mum to come and live with you - presumably because she was not coping in her own home. I can understand why it didnt work out for you, as I tried seeing whether I could have my mum come and live with me and I lasted no more than a weekend! Nevertheless, since the last time your mum has lived in her own home she has had falls, infections and covid and all of these things can progress dementia, sometimes quite considerably, so she will honestly be even less likely to cope in her own home again now.

I do think that if she went back home it would all unravel very quickly, so I would honestly start looking at care homes now. Im sure that is not what either of you would want (I didnt either), but often it is the best solution and can work out better than you would imagine.

 

[Lunaloo]

Hello @Lunaloo

Can I say how very sorry I am to hear about the loss of your husband and your dad and now dealing with your mums diagnosis. I am not surprised that you are feeling overwhelmed.

I am not techie enough to advise you about monitors, cameras etc and Im sure that someone else will be along who can help. I am, though, very concerned about the whole situation. Three months ago, you felt it necessary for your mum to come and live with you - presumably because she was not coping in her own home. I can understand why it didnt work out for you, as I tried seeing whether I could have my mum come and live with me and I lasted no more than a weekend! Nevertheless, since the last time your mum has lived in her own home she has had falls, infections and covid and all of these things can progress dementia, sometimes quite considerably, so she will honestly be even less likely to cope in her own home again now.

I do think that if she went back home it would all unravel very quickly, so I would honestly start looking at care homes now. Im sure that is not what either of you would want (I didnt either), but often it is the best solution and can work out better than you would imagine.

Thank you so much for messaging me it means a lot. Mum was managing not too bad at home prior to the fall which she had when out with myself ( the hospital put it down to the fact that she had very low oxygen levels due to infection and pneumonia , ) she was due to go back home early November but then we all contracted Covid which had put her back again. I’ve got a falls assessment and it coming out next week to do a check on how she will
Manage and to see if she will be safe which is my main concern. Mum has short term
Memory loss and get very muddled with days dates and times etc. I totally agree with you about the situation deteriorating at home , mum is in denial at the minute and will not entertain going into a care home at this present time it’s all very sad and overwhelming I don’t know what else to do . My daughter is unaware of the diagnosis at the minute as I don’t want to put more upset on her during her exams but think it would be best to tell her sooner rather than later , what would you all advise?

 

[canary]

I dont think there are any hard and fast rules about whether to tell your daughter, or not @Lunaloo . You know her best, but I would say that she has probably noticed her nanas decline and a diagnosis may make things easier. Shes also got 6 months to come to terms with it and it may be better to tell her now rather than when your mum reaches a crisis.

BTW, none of them want to move into a home as they think there is nothing wrong with them, but that doesnt stop you looking at homes by yourself and talking to the staff there. That way, when the crisis comes you already know what the local homes are like

 

[Lunaloo]

I dont think there are any hard and fast rules about whether to tell your daughter, or not @Lunaloo . You know her best, but I would say that she has probably noticed her nanas decline and a diagnosis may make things easier. Shes also got 6 months to come to terms with it and it may be better to tell her now rather than when your mum reaches a crisis.

BTW, none of them want to move into a home as they think there is nothing wrong with them, but that doesnt stop you looking at homes by yourself and talking to the staff there. That way, when the crisis comes you already know what the local homes are like

Thank you so much for reaching out to me , Im definitely going to tell my daughter next week after her mocks . I’m going to take your advice and start looking at care homes better to get an idea now before a crisis hits .