MIL with dementia

[Texasgirl]

Hello,

My MIL has dementia and lived with my now husband. We got married and moved to a bigger space so we brought her along with us cause we knew she wasn't going to be able to live by herself. Her dementia has now progressed and she thinks i am withholding her meds because I'm trying to kill her (delusional/paranoia). She absolutely cannot stand me and has told my husband she doesn't want to live with us because I'm there. I know its the dementia but I cant help feeling uncomfortable now in my own home. My husband is hoping that she will snap back to not hating me with the help of Seroquel and the problem will fix itself. I feel like he is in denial and I KNOW this is not going to change and only get worse. I'm scared this will eventually ruin my marriage.

 

[Angel55]

Hello,

My MIL has dementia and lived with my now husband. We got married and moved to a bigger space so we brought her along with us cause we knew she wasn't going to be able to live by herself. Her dementia has now progressed and she thinks i am withholding her meds because I'm trying to kill her (delusional/paranoia). She absolutely cannot stand me and has told my husband she doesn't want to live with us because I'm there. I know its the dementia but I cant help feeling uncomfortable now in my own home. My husband is hoping that she will snap back to not hating me with the help of Seroquel and the problem will fix itself. I feel like he is in denial and I KNOW this is not going to change and only get worse. I'm scared this will eventually ruin my marriage.

Hello 💗

No sadly your Mum in law isn't going to snap out of it and if she does she will snap back into it again...I really feel for you I don't think I could live with my MIL dementia or otherwise.

Maybe it is time to introduce some help? even if it is just household it could shift the focus from yourself a little bit.

I am sure others will be along soon with their experiences. xx

 

[pvl]

Hello Texasgirl.

As Angel55 said, it is unlikely to get better and much more likely to get worse. I've lived with my husband on the same property as my MIL for four years now (we've been married for 1.5 years) and it's put a hell of a strain on our relationship. There have been times when I wanted to throw in the towel and just walk away. My MIL has gotten progressively worse and is now at a stage that she does not eat unless we make food for her, and also thinks we are withholding medication, lying to her, moving things, the list goes on. As someone who has lived through this, and as horrible as it sounds, you need to have a serious talk with your husband about putting your mother in care or returning her to her home with carers coming in to take care of her needs. You need to be able to focus on each other when you are home because you're right.....she has the potential to destroy your marriage. I have now told my husband that we have to start investigating care home options for my MIL as we are both constantly exhausted and I am extremely resentful of the time and energy that it takes just to care for her. Please please please talk to your husband now. Tell him how you are feeling and let him know that you want to help but you can't be a villain in your own home. There are options and he needs to see that you both deserve to have a happy marriage and peace in your home. I wish you the very best. Please keep posting here. This forum has probably saved my marriage.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Texasgirl and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. As @angel155 and @pvl have said things will probably only get worse as the disease progresses. As suggested please discuss how you feel with your husband. i would also suggest that you find out what care would be available in your area. Because of your forum name i am assuming that you are based in the US and have attached a link to the Alzheimer's Association in the US.

Home | Alzheimer's Association

Alzheimer's Association national site – information on Alzheimer's disease and dementia symptoms, diagnosis, stages, treatment, care and support resources.

www.alz.org