In total despair

[nic001]

I posted the other day about mum needing to be in a care home with constant suppprt and the wheels are very slowly moving in that direction but in the meantime I feel like I’m going mad. Mums ringing me all the time, day and night. She will say she’s breathless and then say please come and hang up. Then ring back and I try to speak with her to help her relax and then because I’m not doing what she asks (rush round) she’ll hang up again. I was with her for 3 hours the other day, I washed her hair, had a chat and lunch and then within half an hour of me being home she’s ringing about me coming up. Some of the time she’s forgotten I’ve been there, I understand this can occur, but it’s so difficult because she’s so stubborn about chatting on the phone and demands I go. A lot of the time I do, but sometimes I’m at work and taking my sons somewhere and I can’t get there. I should also explain the breathless is down to panic- physically she’s been checked over and is ok. I feel like I’ll go mad if the phone rings one more time!
Mum is being allocated a social worker and I’ve requested a needs assessment but it’s so hard in the meantime. She’s rung the police to ask them to call me.
My mum has always been a dependent person but at the moment it is really difficult to help her to manage how she’s feeling because of how she behaves if you don’t do what she wants.
I hope it all makes sense.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @nic001 it's no wonder that you feel in despair, it's such a difficult situation to deal with. My mum also went through a phase of calling me all of the time and it's so hard, particularly when you are working and can't just drop everything. Your mum is obviously very anxious - have you spoken to her GP about this? They may be able to prescribe something that can help, and can also make an urgent referral to the older adults mental health team. If you haven't already, I would also get back to social services to let them know that your mum has been calling the Police, is extremely anxious and that you can't cope anymore. It could take a while for them to arrange a care needs assessment but in the meantime they can arrange emergency respite care and it sounds like this is what your mum needs now as you can't carry on like this. Social services and the mental health team usually have an out of hours service too, details will be on your local authority website if needed. in the meantime could you turn your phone off, if only for a short while, to give yourself a break from the non-stop calls? I would also suggest that you contact the Dementia Support helpline as they will be able to help you and your mum and provide a way forward. They are open from 9am to 8pm tomorrow, details below. I hope this helps and that you and your mum can get the urgent support that you both need. Keep posting as people here understand and there's always someone to listen and offer support.

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Suzysheep01]

I had the same with my mum. She would have awful panic attacks all the time... this was so unlike her as she had never suffered any before, or even anxiety and depression. I took her to the drs and they prescribed her citalopram. I also got her some calms. She would call the ambulance as she thought she was dying. It was a really stressful time. My heart just broke for her suffering so much anxiety.
she has passed through that stage now, and is in a nursing home where she is so much better in herself.
there is nothing wrong with letting the phone go to messages and just checking it’s not life threatening, but I just used to talk her through her breathing and calm her down over the phone.

 

[jackdog35]

I’m going through the same thing myself. My mum will just keep ringing until i answer or then rings my husband. No matter how many times I explain I can’t always answer the phone she forgets and keeps on ringing. In the end I’ve just turned phone off to give me some peace. She’s with my dad so he’s there in an emergency. It is driving me mad though especially as I’m going through health problems and supposed to be taking it easy. I shouldn’t be driving at the moment but she keeps asking me to come over or go out somewhere and icr caved in each time as she gets really upset

 

[Violet Jane]

@jackdog35, if your mum lives with your dad then you don't need to take her calls. She is safe and not alone. Turn your phone off and tell your husband to do the same. You have rights too! I would also speak to the doctor to see if she can be prescribed something for anxiety. If your dad can't cope with your mum then perhaps your mum has reached the stage of needing a care home.

 

[jackdog35]

@jackdog35, if your mum lives with your dad then you don't need to take her calls. She is safe and not alone. Turn your phone off and tell your husband to do the same. You have rights too! I would also speak to the doctor to see if she can be prescribed something for anxiety. If your dad can't cope with your mum then perhaps your mum has reached the stage of needing a care home.

At the moment he’s more or less coping, they could only self fund for a few weeks and there’s no way social services would pay at the moment. She’s on two anti depressants and an anti psychotic, the anti depressants didn’t do a lot, only the anti psychotic seems to have calmed her but sometimes she just seems zombie like. I do turn off my phone when I need but I just wish I could convince my dad to use his mobile in case of emergency

 

[Bod]

I posted the other day about mum needing to be in a care home with constant suppprt and the wheels are very slowly moving in that direction but in the meantime I feel like I’m going mad. Mums ringing me all the time, day and night. She will say she’s breathless and then say please come and hang up. Then ring back and I try to speak with her to help her relax and then because I’m not doing what she asks (rush round) she’ll hang up again. I was with her for 3 hours the other day, I washed her hair, had a chat and lunch and then within half an hour of me being home she’s ringing about me coming up. Some of the time she’s forgotten I’ve been there, I understand this can occur, but it’s so difficult because she’s so stubborn about chatting on the phone and demands I go. A lot of the time I do, but sometimes I’m at work and taking my sons somewhere and I can’t get there. I should also explain the breathless is down to panic- physically she’s been checked over and is ok. I feel like I’ll go mad if the phone rings one more time!
Mum is being allocated a social worker and I’ve requested a needs assessment but it’s so hard in the meantime. She’s rung the police to ask them to call me.
My mum has always been a dependent person but at the moment it is really difficult to help her to manage how she’s feeling because of how she behaves if you don’t do what she wants.
I hope it all makes sense.

When she phones the Police, be sure to get an "incident number" this will show she actually contacted them, and is the offical record of that contact.
The collection of these numbers will be helpful in showing the current situation.

Bod.

 

[nic001]

Hello @nic001 it's no wonder that you feel in despair, it's such a difficult situation to deal with. My mum also went through a phase of calling me all of the time and it's so hard, particularly when you are working and can't just drop everything. Your mum is obviously very anxious - have you spoken to her GP about this? They may be able to prescribe something that can help, and can also make an urgent referral to the older adults mental health team. If you haven't already, I would also get back to social services to let them know that your mum has been calling the Police, is extremely anxious and that you can't cope anymore. It could take a while for them to arrange a care needs assessment but in the meantime they can arrange emergency respite care and it sounds like this is what your mum needs now as you can't carry on like this. Social services and the mental health team usually have an out of hours service too, details will be on your local authority website if needed. in the meantime could you turn your phone off, if only for a short while, to give yourself a break from the non-stop calls? I would also suggest that you contact the Dementia Support helpline as they will be able to help you and your mum and provide a way forward. They are open from 9am to 8pm tomorrow, details below. I hope this helps and that you and your mum can get the urgent support that you both need. Keep posting as people here understand and there's always someone to listen and offer support.

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Mum is on citalopram and has been for a while. The gp has recently completed a referral to older adults services and she has an appt on 30th May. I asked for a medication review as she’s been on mem

Hello @nic001 it's no wonder that you feel in despair, it's such a difficult situation to deal with. My mum also went through a phase of calling me all of the time and it's so hard, particularly when you are working and can't just drop everything. Your mum is obviously very anxious - have you spoken to her GP about this? They may be able to prescribe something that can help, and can also make an urgent referral to the older adults mental health team. If you haven't already, I would also get back to social services to let them know that your mum has been calling the Police, is extremely anxious and that you can't cope anymore. It could take a while for them to arrange a care needs assessment but in the meantime they can arrange emergency respite care and it sounds like this is what your mum needs now as you can't carry on like this. Social services and the mental health team usually have an out of hours service too, details will be on your local authority website if needed. in the meantime could you turn your phone off, if only for a short while, to give yourself a break from the non-stop calls? I would also suggest that you contact the Dementia Support helpline as they will be able to help you and your mum and provide a way forward. They are open from 9am to 8pm tomorrow, details below. I hope this helps and that you and your mum can get the urgent support that you both need. Keep posting as people here understand and there's always someone to listen and offer support.

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Mum is in citalopram and has been for a long time due to longstanding anxiety. She has an appt on 30th May with adult services as I asked for a medication review. She’s been on memantine for 18months-2yrs, same dose so I wanted to see what else might be appropriate to help her with the sundowning and anxiety. When I hear from the social worker I will say about emergency respite for sure, we just. Ant go on like this. Thanks for replying. It means a great deal.