Ideas that helped me

Celia C

New member
May 24, 2024
Hi, I'm Celia C. I hope it might be useful to share some notes I made for myself while my mother-in-laww stayed with me for 3 months during lockdown. I sometimes found myself getting exasperated or saying unhelpful things. The AS helpline people were a great support but here area few things I worked out to keep reminding myself:
Don't correct her when she remembers things wrongly, don't question her account of events ( like "but I thought you said . . ." ). Let it go! Or at least make your comments mild/jolly.
If you start feeling exasperated, walk away/get busy - don't forget, it could be you one day.
When she complains about being lonely, empathise, don't compare with others who don't have family support.
Ask open questions, e.g. "What do you remember about ...", or "What are your recollections of ..."
When eating out, help her make decisions, she gets overwhelmed when faced with too many choices, and she can't remember what she likes, so give her maybe just 2 choices based on what you know she's enjoyed before.
She never acknowledged that she had dementia but appreciated my using the phrase, "Your memory lets you down", somehow that seemed gentler and more acceptable to her.

These are notes I made for myself at the time. She died of a stroke a couple of years later, still in her own home, with family around her.