I just need to tell someone.

NannyRos

Registered User
Oct 30, 2023
22
0
I just need to tell someone. My OH has started getting over amorous asking me to see what he is doing in the bedroom asking me to do things that i have never done ever ! He seems to have a one track mind all of a sudden.All this from someone who has not showered in a week , his hair is greasy and has not been cut for a year. He has no idea of changing his clothes . I am now staying up as late as I can until he is asleep., I want to sleep in the spare room, but I know this will cause trouble and upset.
This morning at 4.00 he was up and wearing my dressing gown ! I have no idea what he is talking about most of the time as he is getting words mixed up, and then accuses me of not understanding! we are still waiting for a definite diagnosis , but have been told probably vascular dementia. Its been getting steadily worse for 3 years , although I only managed to get him to GP six months ago. Waiting for an appointment to see the consultant and hoping for a diagnosis. They have told me that he is not getting a scan now , even though we were told he needed one 6 months ago.
Its no joke this is it ?
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,043
0
Kent
Hello @NannyRos

I don`t know if this link will help in any way but I do hope so.


Sadly the link does not advise where to get help but whoever in the services you are in contact contact with will be the place to go. Your doctor or adult social services

You will also get good advice from the Dementia Support Line;

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/dementia-support-line

Whatever our loyalties and the depth of our love, there is always a line which is our personal no go land. You do not have to accept behaviour you find too distressing but no one will know or be able to help unless you ask.

I admire you for posting. Too many challenging behaviours are suffered in silence.
 

NannyRos

Registered User
Oct 30, 2023
22
0
Hello @NannyRos

I don`t know if this link will help in any way but I do hope so.


Sadly the link does not advise where to get help but whoever in the services you are in contact contact with will be the place to go. Your doctor or adult social services

You will also get good advice from the Dementia Support Line;

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/dementia-support-line

Whatever our loyalties and the depth of our love, there is always a line which is our personal no go land. You do not have to accept behaviour you find too distressing but no one will know or be able to help unless you ask.

I admire you for posting. Too many challenging behaviours are suffered in silence.
Thank you Sylvia. I will look at the link.
 

Cardinal

Registered User
Oct 4, 2023
226
0
I went through something similar to what you’re describing. It was completely out of character. It’s what pushed me to get my husband diagnosed. It went on every waking minute for weeks and has left me very traumatized. It’s been 3 years and I still go to bed after him and get up before him.

He did eventually move on the something else but am terrified he’ll start up again.

The doctors diagnosed him with Alzheimer’s. By the time he was diagnosed he had stopped the behavior.
 

sapphire turner

Registered User
Jan 14, 2022
541
0
Hi NannyRos
I have had a similar experience and in the end the unwanted suggestions and groping were too much and I moved into the spare room. That was around a year ago and he still goes on and on about why am I punishing him. It has made me realise how sexualised the TV and newspapers are, any reference to sex and he leers at me and says is it making you feel horny? 🙈🙈🙈

I am glad that I have my own space now it has been easier to get a better night’s sleep deal with all of the other crazy stuff all day. I have made it clear it’s either like this or I am leaving.

I hope this passes soon for us I think I would rather cope with incontinence - although I might change my mind when we get there!
 

Oscar 10

Registered User
Nov 3, 2023
14
0
I just need to tell someone. My OH has started getting over amorous asking me to see what he is doing in the bedroom asking me to do things that i have never done ever ! He seems to have a one track mind all of a sudden.All this from someone who has not showered in a week , his hair is greasy and has not been cut for a year. He has no idea of changing his clothes . I am now staying up as late as I can until he is asleep., I want to sleep in the spare room, but I know this will cause trouble and upset.
This morning at 4.00 he was up and wearing my dressing gown ! I have no idea what he is talking about most of the time as he is getting words mixed up, and then accuses me of not understanding! we are still waiting for a definite diagnosis , but have been told probably vascular dementia. Its been getting steadily worse for 3 years , although I only managed to get him to GP six months ago. Waiting for an appointment to see the consultant and hoping for a diagnosis. They have told me that he is not getting a scan now , even though we were told he needed one 6 months ago.
Its no joke this is it ?
I am really sorry this horrible disease has changed your partner so much maybe ask why he will not be getting the mri appointment as it invaluable in getting a full diagnosis to see the what’s happening in the brain I find my husband gets a bit amorous when I’m undressing so I do that in the bathroom with the door closed and I stay on my side of the bed he used to try to wake me up but I stayed as if I was asleep and he gave up eventually I think there is a line about what I will accept and not what I won’t no matter how angry he gets I just remove myself from the situation if possible one other thing I have noticed is he has lost all the apathy he always had he would always give me a hug if I was upset but now he keeps away from me when this happens this is a really horrible disease that is so challenging for the partner or family it’s life changing sending you a virtual hug
 

NannyRos

Registered User
Oct 30, 2023
22
0
Hi NannyRos
I have had a similar experience and in the end the unwanted suggestions and groping were too much and I moved into the spare room. That was around a year ago and he still goes on and on about why am I punishing him. It has made me realise how sexualised the TV and newspapers are, any reference to sex and he leers at me and says is it making you feel horny? 🙈🙈🙈

I am glad that I have my own space now it has been easier to get a better night’s sleep deal with all of the other crazy stuff all day. I have made it clear it’s either like this or I am leaving.

I hope this passes soon for us I think I would rather cope with incontinence - although I might change my mind when we get there!
Sorry to hear that you are experiencing similar problems. What you describe is exectly what i have to put up with. I feel better knowing that i am not alone . thanks for replying, x
 

NannyRos

Registered User
Oct 30, 2023
22
0
I am really sorry this horrible disease has changed your partner so much maybe ask why he will not be getting the mri appointment as it invaluable in getting a full diagnosis to see the what’s happening in the brain I find my husband gets a bit amorous when I’m undressing so I do that in the bathroom with the door closed and I stay on my side of the bed he used to try to wake me up but I stayed as if I was asleep and he gave up eventually I think there is a line about what I will accept and not what I won’t no matter how angry he gets I just remove myself from the situation if possible one other thing I have noticed is he has lost all the apathy he always had he would always give me a hug if I was upset but now he keeps away from me when this happens this is a really horrible disease that is so challenging for the partner or family it’s life changing sending you a virtual hug
That is exactly what I do ! Get dressed ain the bathroom and cling to the side of the bed ! I feel as though i am living with a different person. Thank you for your reply . x
 

leny connery

Registered User
Nov 13, 2022
409
0
I just need to tell someone. My OH has started getting over amorous asking me to see what he is doing in the bedroom asking me to do things that i have never done ever ! He seems to have a one track mind all of a sudden.All this from someone who has not showered in a week , his hair is greasy and has not been cut for a year. He has no idea of changing his clothes . I am now staying up as late as I can until he is asleep., I want to sleep in the spare room, but I know this will cause trouble and upset.
This morning at 4.00 he was up and wearing my dressing gown ! I have no idea what he is talking about most of the time as he is getting words mixed up, and then accuses me of not understanding! we are still waiting for a definite diagnosis , but have been told probably vascular dementia. Its been getting steadily worse for 3 years , although I only managed to get him to GP six months ago. Waiting for an appointment to see the consultant and hoping for a diagnosis. They have told me that he is not getting a scan now , even though we were told he needed one 6 months ago.
Its no joke this is it ?
is he on any new meds? It is difficult to handle, but you really do not have to put up with it re sleeping arrangement etc. please ask your GP for help?
 

NannyRos

Registered User
Oct 30, 2023
22
0
No new meds, not sure what has brought this on, but he has started getting words confused so I don't understand him. Find it difficult to change sleeping arrangements as it may cause distress and more anger.
Thanks for your thoughts
 

TobyandMonica

Registered User
Feb 3, 2024
12
0
I’m so sorry to hear about the problem with your OH. You are not alone. My husband still wants to sleep with me but although I still care about him I’m really not attracted to him at all. I moved into a separate bedroom some time ago using snoring as the excuse. As he now wanders around at all times of the night, I would now also use sleep disturbance as an excuse. It’s a very difficult situation to handle and I fully appreciate that distress and anger can be difficult to avoid. I hope your doctor can come up with some helpful advice.
 

Fotoliza

Registered User
May 28, 2023
70
0
@NannyRos So sorry this is happening. My hubby was getting less sensible and more forgetful about 3 yrs ago. I had to insist that he was getting worse and ask for a re-referral after the memory clinic failed to diagnose twice. Eventually we saw the specialist in January this year and Vas Dem was the result..
Hubby is still progressing and needs checking up on personal hygiene. I had to have a go at him this morning for something "nasty" I found on the loo windowsill. He doesn't make sexual advances towards me but leaves evidence of "boy's play" which makes me shudder to find. I am not a prude, but when it comes to hygiene I draw the line.
One morning at 2.40am I woke hearing a strange noise. I thought there was some machinery outside, but no. He was watching Porn on his mobile. "Not at this time of day thank you," I said, and told him to go back to sleep.
Elizabeth
 
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NannyRos

Registered User
Oct 30, 2023
22
0
Gosh, that's awful. My OH was watching porn on his laptop but luckily he has forgotten how to use it now.!
At least from the comments we are not alone in this . I had thought that it was my fault for not fancying him any more with his lack of personal hygiene and changed personality.
 

sapphire turner

Registered User
Jan 14, 2022
541
0
Mind you the lack of hygiene and changed personality don’t help eh! I did try to keep up our physical relationship as much as I could but in the end it was like being with a stranger. So I am in the spare room and he has his porn and vibrators. I don’t mind if he keeps them out of the way but had to draw the line at his recharging them in the kitchen 🙈🙈🙈😹
 

Tavy

Registered User
Mar 3, 2024
45
0
I just need to tell someone. My OH has started getting over amorous asking me to see what he is doing in the bedroom asking me to do things that i have never done ever ! He seems to have a one track mind all of a sudden.All this from someone who has not showered in a week , his hair is greasy and has not been cut for a year. He has no idea of changing his clothes . I am now staying up as late as I can until he is asleep., I want to sleep in the spare room, but I know this will cause trouble and upset.
This morning at 4.00 he was up and wearing my dressing gown ! I have no idea what he is talking about most of the time as he is getting words mixed up, and then accuses me of not understanding! we are still waiting for a definite diagnosis , but have been told probably vascular dementia. Its been getting steadily worse for 3 years , although I only managed to get him to GP six months ago. Waiting for an appointment to see the consultant and hoping for a diagnosis. They have told me that he is not getting a scan now , even though we were told he needed one 6 months ago.
Its no joke this is it ?
Ruddy Nora lady, I think you or a member of your family needs to be banging the door of social services and your GP, do not take any old lip, you need help now.

Sorry to be so bold but you were not married to someone and expected to suffer, which is what it sounds like.

The good folk on here are excellent, one way or another we have all been down some road due to the A or D so you come and talk to us whenever you feel the need to, you are an angel, so smile.😇

Stay safe and as so many members have told me in the past "LOOK AFTER YOURSELF"

Footnote, I am arranging for a care worker to be with my OH once a fortnight just so I can get out in my Motorhome, won't go far but just one day without all the brain damage that carers are expected to suffer looking after the one we love.
Hope I haven't been a bore.
Tavy.
 
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