I don’t know what to do.

[MowgliGirl02]

Hi all, mum has mixed dementia and has completely stopped eating. She still drinks but is so weak now we struggle to get her to the toilet and back. My dad, her partner is 75 and it’s killing him trying to hold her up, lift her etc. she’s just a dead weight and no help as she has no strength.
I don’t know where to start in trying to get help for us, I don’t want her to suffer and I don’t really want her in a home. I know that’s probably not going to be a choice In the long run.
who do I contact first? GP, Memory service, social services?
Can someone help?

 

[Pollywobble]

Hi all, mum has mixed dementia and has completely stopped eating. She still drinks but is so weak now we struggle to get her to the toilet and back. My dad, her partner is 75 and it’s killing him trying to hold her up, lift her etc. she’s just a dead weight and no help as she has no strength.
I don’t know where to start in trying to get help for us, I don’t want her to suffer and I don’t really want her in a home. I know that’s probably not going to be a choice In the long run.
who do I contact first? GP, Memory service, social services?
Can someone help?

Oh my word, your situation sounds familiar! My man stopped eating and was barely drinking. When he complained of pain I phoned 111 and was advised to take him to A&E where he was treated for dehydration. Only now, he is still in hospital, are we able to access any help. So, persevere. Contact them all. Good luck.

 

[Chizz]

Hi @MowgliGirl02
Can you mum do stairs? or is she becoming bedbound?
You need to
- make a note of the things she can and can't do - in detail
- make a note of what things your dad is doing, what he can and what he can't do - in detail
- contact the Local Authority Adult Social Services Health Services and get them URGENTLY to visit to carry out a care assessment - what care your mum needs - and also a carer's assessment - what help your dad needs
If you dad doesn't get help he'll become a patient as well. The LA ASS has the ultimate responsibility of looking after old ill people, but care is means tested.
I can't lift my OH who has Alz's and is bedbound - so we have a hospital bed for her downstairs and I have carers coming in 3 times a day for toileting help.
If your mum's assets in her sole name (excluding the house that your dad has a right to live in) are in excess of £23,250, then she'll have to pay for her own care. If her assets are £14,000 or less then the LA ASS pay, and if the assets are between these two sums, then there's a sliding scale where your mum and the LA contribute to her care costs.
Best wishes

 

[Izzy]

Welcome y the forum @MowgliGirl02.

I’m so sorry yo hear about your mum. This link might help -

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Gosling]

Welcome from me too @MowgliGirl02 to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here from members that really do want to help.

I am sorry to read about your Mum. You have already received sound advice and a link which hopefully will give you some help, But the message is, please do persevere with looking at care support. What is happening at the moment is unsustainable for your poor Dad.

Please keep posting and let us know how you get on. Take care.