My man has realised his memory illness isn't being treated so has concluded that he's dying. He's 94 and doesn't want to eat, drinks very little and wants to die. Its breaking my heart. I don't know what to do. I think he needs palliative care, but don't know how to go about it. I can't get a GP appointment, so where else can help?
How do I arrange palliative care?
- Thread starter Pollywobble
- Start date
Sorry to hear this.. it must be very hard for you...
Not sure why GP cannot be contacted? Cab you not ask for a telephone appointment.
You must have social services and community nurses you can get in touch but pretty sure the latter might need to be coordinated with the GP
Hi @Pollywobble
I suggest ypu speak with your GP surgery and get them to make an urgent referral either to Admiral Nurses, Marie Curie Nurses, or local hospice - each of whom do do home visits and assessments. In meantime keep a diary of amounts, times, etc of what your OH eats, drinks, and amounts exiting as urine and poo. Near or in EoL pain killers may be needed.
Best wishes
Thank you for your reply. At our GP service it is almost impossible to get an appointment, even telephone ones. The memory clinic is going to write to the GP to see why they won't see him. I'm trying to get in touch with Social Services, but have not been able to get through yet. The Memory Clinic are going to refer us to them because I'm struggling to cope now.
All my man wants is to die peacefully.
Thank you for replying @Chizz. I see if I can contact Marie and/or local hospice (no Admiral nurses in our area.) The diary idea is a great one as it's facts rather than opinion. I am finding the whole situation so upsetting
I've just had a horrible experience with the GP! He was cross because he feels my man needs an endoscopy (he refused to go last time because he's frightened of swallowing and has to swallow for that procedure) and should take Fortisip ( even though he doesn't want to drink anything.) When my man talked about dying the GP said he was finished with him and needed to see other patients!!! My man said he'll just go to bed and die then. This just adds upset to upset!
Oh that’s awful @Pollywobble. How awful for your man - and for you. 🥲
You can contact Admiral Nurses by phone or email if there’s not one in your area. It might be worth contacting them for advice.
www.dementiauk.org
You can contact Admiral Nurses by phone or email if there’s not one in your area. It might be worth contacting them for advice.
Information and support
Dementia UK is a charity that provides Admiral Nurses for families affected by dementia. Call our Dementia Helpline to find out how we can support you.
www.dementiauk.org
Thank you for your support. I can't believe the lack of understanding from a GP! Surely at 94 he deserves better than that! I really appreciate your suggestion @Izzy and will see what they say.Oh that’s awful @Pollywobble. How awful for your man - and for you. 🥲
You can contact Admiral Nurses by phone or email if there’s not one in your area. It might be worth contacting them for advice.
Information and support
Dementia UK is a charity that provides Admiral Nurses for families affected by dementia. Call our Dementia Helpline to find out how we can support you.
Hi @Pollywobble I’m also shocked by the lack of support and care that you and your husband need.
I hope the suggestions made by others help but if you have the energy, you should consider complaining about your GPs attitude and lack of care. Do you have any family support who might be able to complain to the GP Practice where you are registered what a struggle you are having.
Below is a link of how to complain about GPs. Good luck and I hope you get the right support for you both urgently!
www.nhs.uk
I hope the suggestions made by others help but if you have the energy, you should consider complaining about your GPs attitude and lack of care. Do you have any family support who might be able to complain to the GP Practice where you are registered what a struggle you are having.
Below is a link of how to complain about GPs. Good luck and I hope you get the right support for you both urgently!
How to complain to the NHS
Find out how to complain about the NHS, who to complain to, what to expect after you've made a complaint and what you can do if you're unhappy with the outcome.
www.nhs.uk
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer like this. My family agree with you. As you say, I haven't the energy, so will note down all that was said.Hi @Pollywobble I’m also shocked by the lack of support and care that you and your husband need.
I hope the suggestions made by others help but if you have the energy, you should consider complaining about your GPs attitude and lack of care. Do you have any family support who might be able to complain to the GP Practice where you are registered what a struggle you are having.
Below is a link of how to complain about GPs. Good luck and I hope you get the right support for you both urgently!
How to complain to the NHS
Find out how to complain about the NHS, who to complain to, what to expect after you've made a complaint and what you can do if you're unhappy with the outcome.
I've done what I wanted the GP to do: I've explained that not wanting to eat and drink is all part of the illness and yes peace is coming at the end. He has thanked me for my honesty and found that very reassuring. He's gone back to sleep.
This is SO hard! My man has been in bed, mostly sleeping for 23 hours. Just as I was taking comfort that he was going to get his wish, he has got up, dressed (with his eyes shut) with my help and is now downstairs! He hasn't eaten or taken his medication, just had a few sips of drink. I am bewildered beyond belief!
UPDATE!
Things came to a head on Saturday when he started with pain. So I rang 111 who arranged A&E admission for him. Whilst being triaged he had a funny turn and was rushed to resuss! He was severely dehydrated and had got there in time. So, to cut a very long story short, they found multiple problems and started a last try of treatment prior to palliative care.
AMAZINGLY I've just come away from hospital (been there most of the time since Saturday teatime!) and he is settled on a ward, having eaten 3 meals and is smiling and laughing with a sparkle in his eye! OK, he has dementia, but the GP was wrong so much!
THANKS for all your messages of support.
Things came to a head on Saturday when he started with pain. So I rang 111 who arranged A&E admission for him. Whilst being triaged he had a funny turn and was rushed to resuss! He was severely dehydrated and had got there in time. So, to cut a very long story short, they found multiple problems and started a last try of treatment prior to palliative care.
AMAZINGLY I've just come away from hospital (been there most of the time since Saturday teatime!) and he is settled on a ward, having eaten 3 meals and is smiling and laughing with a sparkle in his eye! OK, he has dementia, but the GP was wrong so much!
THANKS for all your messages of support.
Good news @Pollywobble , but would interested to learn why your OH just decided to not eat or drink - just tiredness? or was the pain something else? (No obligation to answer any personal questions.)
It was his mental health, which I suspected all along, but GP had obsession with endoscopy. He became frightened to swallow first, then just didn't feel hungry or thirsty. Once under a specialist consultant: depression, psychotic delusions and delirium on top of vascular dementia and mini strokes ( yet GP just said eveything was dementia and he just neede endoscopy. Also OH told the mental health that he was fine, so his file with them was closed!)
He didn't have pain swallowing and it was only in hospital that anyone actually listened to me. He swallowed his tablets twice a day! I had begged the GP to help him, but was told GPs can't prescribe anything.
Last edited:
Recent Threads
-
Proceeds of house sale in current account or executor account
- Latest: StressedDaughter
-
-
-
Anyone got tips for buying a 2nd hand wheelchair
- Latest: StressedDaughter
-
-
-
Pro's & Con's of a tv for a person with Dementia?
- Latest: genevieve 76
-
