Help! Do I leave her where she’s happy?

[Nessi]

Hi Everyone. Long story, but in three weeks I will have to leave my mum again (in Spain) due to the Brexit 90 day rule. She was in the UK with me for two months after a fall and we came back to Spain in February. She claimed I was keeping her prisoner in my house and as soon as she was back home she was ecstatic. So, my dilemma is that she wants to stay in Spain. She says she can look after herself as she’s done so for 23 years here but she really can’t (e.g. can’t get money alone, wash properly, dress properly, would only eat bread and jam given half a chance, can’t use her tv controls etc.). I think she would stay indoors for the most part. I have booked her on my flight back to the UK but she says she won’t come. If I say a carer will call to see if she’s ok, she says she won’t let them in. Has anyone got any ideas as to how to approach this? I can’t see the wood for the trees! I’ve already had a 90 day extension to my passport and been turned down for residency due to insufficient funds in the bank. I’ve applied for a German passport but that will take a year if it is even granted. Do I leave her or drag her kicking and screaming? Any advice gratefully received!

 

[canary]

Hello @Nessi

I would be really worried about your mum staying in Spain alone. If she cant get her money, cant cook, cant work out how to use a TV remote (can she still use a phone?) and all the myriad of other things (could she pay her bills?), I really wonder how she could survive.

My mum became paranoid and wouldnt let me into her house. There was only one person who she would sometimes let in. Long story short - eventually mum had a TIA and fortunately this person had keys (mum gave them to her years previously in case of emergencies when she was away) and so mum was found and taken to hospital. In the hospital she was found to be severely dehydrated and malnourished. Even without the TIA I dont think she would have lived much longer because she could no longer look after herself, even though she was convinced that she could. Fortunately she had been found in time and was moved straight from hospital to a care home, where she thrived and lived for a further 3 years.

There comes a time when you have to stop enabling their wants and start implementing their needs.

 

[Nessi]

Hello @Nessi

I would be really worried about your mum staying in Spain alone. If she cant get her money, cant cook, cant work out how to use a TV remote (can she still use a phone?) and all the myriad of other things (could she pay her bills?), I really wonder how she could survive.

My mum became paranoid and wouldnt let me into her house. There was only one person who she would sometimes let in. Long story short - eventually mum had a TIA and fortunately this person had keys (mum gave them to her years previously in case of emergencies when she was away) and so mum was found and taken to hospital. In the hospital she was found to be severely dehydrated and malnourished. Even without the TIA I dont think she would have lived much longer because she could no longer look after herself, even though she was convinced that she could. Fortunately she had been found in time and was moved straight from hospital to a care home, where she thrived and lived for a further 3 years.

There comes a time when you have to stop enabling their wants and start implementing their needs.

Thank you for that. That’s certainly a phrase to live by! My worry is also back in the UK she’d be stuck on a bed in our living room but she’d be safe, so I guess that answers that!