First Memory Clinic visit

Shivvi

New member
Dec 4, 2023
3
0
I took my 65 year old husband to a memory clinic yesterday as he has been showing symptoms of memory problems. He was very reluctant and it took the skills of the psychologist to persuade him to engage in the test. This was so difficult for him and I felt so disloyal to him when I had to disagree with his answers during the test. But after the test we got a score of 66. He is now being sent for an MRI scan and also back to GP for tests on his slight tremors. I am guessing this score of 66 is not a good score and am almost certain it is Alzheimer’s. I am devastated as we have only had 10 years together and both looking forward to retirement. He was put on garden leave by his employer as he wasn’t able to manage his work (engineering). I think he knows something is wrong and we are both scared about the future. Can anyone say is score of 66 quite low? Any advice will be gratefully appreciated.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,299
0
Newcastle
Hi @Shivvi and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to hear about your husband. I don't have an answer to your question about the score, I'm afraid.

While it is important to attend the memory clinic it is also important not to get ahead of things. If a diagnosis results from the various tests etc. that may help you to plan for future care needs. But having a diagnosis will not change who you are as a couple. It is important to remember that dementia is progressive and that changes will happen over (sometimes prolonged) time. My experience with my wife was that both before and after her diagnosis we continued to find pleasure in doing many of the things that we had always done. Your life will change but it can still have meaning and moments of joy.

As for feelings of disloyalty, put them to one side. The very best that you can do for your husband is to be open and honest with professionals. Agreeing with things that he says if they aren't true will not help him to get the support he needs. Speaking on his behalf because he isn't aware that what he says is inaccurate is the right thing to do. To me, that is an expression of both love and loyalty.

Please come back here whenever you have questions, need to share or let off steam. People here truly understand and will help as much as they can.
 

maggieanne

Registered User
Oct 14, 2023
30
0
69
I took my 65 year old husband to a memory clinic yesterday as he has been showing symptoms of memory problems. He was very reluctant and it took the skills of the psychologist to persuade him to engage in the test. This was so difficult for him and I felt so disloyal to him when I had to disagree with his answers during the test. But after the test we got a score of 66. He is now being sent for an MRI scan and also back to GP for tests on his slight tremors. I am guessing this score of 66 is not a good score and am almost certain it is Alzheimer’s. I am devastated as we have only had 10 years together and both looking forward to retirement. He was put on garden leave by his employer as he wasn’t able to manage his work (engineering). I think he knows something is wrong and we are both scared about the future. Can anyone say is score of 66 quite low? Any advice will be gratefully appreciated.
My husband was first diagnosed in 2019 with Alzheimer’s disease. When he first had numerous tests we weren’t given a number for what he scored. He actually did very well. The only thing he failed on was having to remember the name and address he was given.
A year later he had a brain scan which showed he had Alzheimer’s. We had already done power of attorney for finances and health and welfare.Make sure you do this it’s really important.
It was very hard as after having the diagnosis we were basically left to get on with it as many are.
We still did as much as we could together but then we had covid so the plans we had to travel didn’t happen.
You need to talk about what he wants for the future. It’s very scary but you still have a future.
I read up on as much as I could about the disease. Things might progress slowly. Get as much help as you can.
We went through stages where he stayed the same for quite awhile. Then he would loose another skill.It creeps up on you slowly.
We’re now at the stage where he is now in a lovely care home. Four weeks in and he is settling. I never thought it would come to this but we were in crisis. I am now his wife again and not just his carer. I see him a few times a week and take him out.
I wish you both all the best
 

Shivvi

New member
Dec 4, 2023
3
0
My husband was first diagnosed in 2019 with Alzheimer’s disease. When he first had numerous tests we weren’t given a number for what he scored. He actually did very well. The only thing he failed on was having to remember the name and address he was given.
A year later he had a brain scan which showed he had Alzheimer’s. We had already done power of attorney for finances and health and welfare.Make sure you do this it’s really important.
It was very hard as after having the diagnosis we were basically left to get on with it as many are.
We still did as much as we could together but then we had covid so the plans we had to travel didn’t happen.
You need to talk about what he wants for the future. It’s very scary but you still have a future.
I read up on as much as I could about the disease. Things might progress slowly. Get as much help as you can.
We went through stages where he stayed the same for quite awhile. Then he would loose another skill.It creeps up on you slowly.
We’re now at the stage where he is now in a lovely care home. Four weeks in and he is settling. I never thought it would come to this but we were in crisis. I am now his wife again and not just his carer. I see him a few times a week and take him out.
I wish you both all the best
Thank you so much for your reply and advice. My husband did say to me yesterday that he was pleased he went for the test so I believe he knows in his heart that something is wrong. I am going to live just for each day and hopefully the disease progresses very slowly. Hopefully your husband settles well and you are ok 👌 n your own. X
 

Shivvi

New member
Dec 4, 2023
3
0
Hi @Shivvi and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to hear about your husband. I don't have an answer to your question about the score, I'm afraid.

While it is important to attend the memory clinic it is also important not to get ahead of things. If a diagnosis results from the various tests etc. that may help you to plan for future care needs. But having a diagnosis will not change who you are as a couple. It is important to remember that dementia is progressive and that changes will happen over (sometimes prolonged) time. My experience with my wife was that both before and after her diagnosis we continued to find pleasure in doing many of the things that we had always done. Your life will change but it can still have meaning and moments of joy.

As for feelings of disloyalty, put them to one side. The very best that you can do for your husband is to be open and honest with professionals. Agreeing with things that he says if they aren't true will not help him to get the support he needs. Speaking on his behalf because he isn't aware that what he says is inaccurate is the right thing to do. To me, that is an expression of both love and loyalty.

Please come back here whenever you have questions, need to share or let off steam. People here truly understand and will help as much as they can.
Thank you so much for your support and helping me not to feel so disloyal. I am going to the gp with him tomorrow to check for possible Parkinson’s and I hope this time I will be better at speaking the truth about his problems. I will definitely be coming back on the forum as this has truly helped.
 

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