Family stress

[Dinny]

Hi my names Claire
My moms 76 and has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 4 years ago after my father died but I know she has suffered with it longer
I have 2 sister A and B, A lives in walking distance from my mom, I’m 7 miles away and B lives about 100 miles away and visits her about 3 times a year for a couple of nights.since my father died I’ve been every thing shopping cooking appointments finances maintenace etc A takes my mom to church on a Sunday and stops for a cuppa and other than that does nothing else if I go on holiday I even have to pay friends to do her shops and visit
The end of sept last year my mother drank nail varnish remover and social services got in touch and provided carers 3 times a day emergency ones to start then re assessed her and provided a regular team whom mom got on with initially , in Jan I went on holiday for a few weeks and when return mom decided to drink detox surface cleaner and ended up in hospital; when admitted they found she had sore around her bottom as not been cleaning properly and carers had stopped washing she as she kept saying she would do it herself.
When discharged was back to emergency carers who wasn’t good woke her in bed to give meds leaving med and cleaning cupboards unlocked etc etc
She then got a permanent team 4 times a day but since coming out of hospital she has permanently said she’s in pain whether her stomach, head back etc I’ve taken her to so many appointments once she did have a uti but it wore me down so much I’ve started getting ill , nose bleeds ulcers etc etc so decided to put mom in respite to see how she managed and to give me a rest, initially 2 weeks and then got is extended to 4
However my sisters A and B have both visited once and questioning me and says she was doing ok with the carers and should stay that way, I said I can’t do this alone and A offered to maybe help with shopping and a occasional visit - I m worried what my mom will do next if she goes back home although most things are now out of reach she has tried to force medicine cupboard open and microwave a book
I feel my sisters aren’t helping and constantly questioning and bickering at me on what’s app I feel I’m being bullied and don’t think I’m strong enough yet to bring mom home - they alone are also making me more stressed
Any help or advice would be appreciated

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Dinny

I feel I’m being bullied and don’t think I’m strong enough yet to bring mom home - they alone are also making me more stressed

Tell them you refuse to be pressured and will not take any further responsibility for your mother`s care.

Don`t be afraid of being firm with your sisters. Your mother isn`t safe , even with carers and your input. She is at risk during all the hours she is alone and you cannot provide 24/7 care.

Try not to feel guilty about this. Once your mother is safely in residential care you can resume caring for her by visiting and making sure she is being well looked after.

 

[Dinny]

Welcome @Dinny



Tell them you refuse to be pressured and will not take any further responsibility for your mother`s care.

Don`t be afraid of being firm with your sisters. Your mother isn`t safe , even with carers and your input. She is at risk during all the hours she is alone and you cannot provide 24/7 care.

Try not to feel guilty about this. Once your mother is safely in residential care you can resume caring for her by visiting and making sure she is being well looked after.

They say it’s not my decision yet when I asked for a meeting over a year ago they were both too busy

 

[Grannie G]

They say it’s not my decision yet when I asked for a meeting over a year ago they were both too busy

Does this mean they intend to allow your mother home and then leave her to it?

If this is the case I would contact Social Services Vulnerable Adults

. https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-health-services/local-authority-adult-social-care

 

[yoy]

She doesn't sound safe at home. As Grannie G says I think you should contact social services, maybe email or write to them so there is something recorded in black and white. You need to quote that she is a "vulnerable adult" and is "at risk of harm" if she is left at home, and let them know about these incidents.
Personally I would also give them the heads up about the family situation. They need to know your siblings won't help her (because if they give any signal that she will be ok SS will take them at face value, assume the 3 of you can do all the caring, and you'll be left with it all by the sounds of things) and also that you personally can no longer cope already.