Don't know what to do next

[vinvin]

My mum has vas dementure have had a few episodes of saying that someone is getting into her flat and using the bathroom! I tried to change the subject or reassure her that no-one could get in as in sheltered housing then we hit on the idea of putting a small bolt on the back of the door so no-one even with a key can get in which worked fine for a while. Today I arrive to be told they have broken in again this morning they split the door open to which I replied doors ok now she said they mended it when they left (silly me). She gets really angry that no one is stopping them coming in says the warden ignores her and I don't believe her and everyone says they cannot do anything

I don't know how to deal with this have tried changing the subject but she keeps coming back to it. This always seems to happen in the early morning don't know if that has any relevance. Would appreciate any suggestions.

 

[BeckyJan]

I am sorry not to have any useful ideas for you. I would however let the Mental Health Consultant or CPN know of this behaviour as they may be able to offer advice.

Hopefully someone else will come along shortly with suggestions for you.

 

[Witzend]

My mum has vas dementure have had a few episodes of saying that someone is getting into her flat and using the bathroom! I tried to change the subject or reassure her that no-one could get in as in sheltered housing then we hit on the idea of putting a small bolt on the back of the door so no-one even with a key can get in which worked fine for a while. Today I arrive to be told they have broken in again this morning they split the door open to which I replied doors ok now she said they mended it when they left (silly me). She gets really angry that no one is stopping them coming in says the warden ignores her and I don't believe her and everyone says they cannot do anything

I don't know how to deal with this have tried changing the subject but she keeps coming back to it. This always seems to happen in the early morning don't know if that has any relevance. Would appreciate any suggestions.

Oh, dear, vinvin - this sort of thing is hard to deal with. Could you try telling her you've spoken to the warden and the police and they're definitely on to whoever it is. So it's all going to be sorted.

I had a couple of similar situations with my mother - reasoning was no earthly use - in the end I just told her (again and again) either that I was about to speak to the police/solicitors etc. about whichever dastardly fiend it was, or that I had already done so, and it was all going to be OK. This would keep her reasonably pacified for the moment.
I would say the same thing over and over - she never remembered that I'd said exactly the same before. Eventually she'd forget whatever it was and there would be a new angry bee buzzing in her head - and a fresh set of fibs to be trotted out, again and again...

Good luck.

 

[Katrine]

My thoughts on reading your post Vinvin is that perhaps there is something about the bathroom first thing in the morning that is bothering her? Obviously, it is only her using it at night, but when she comes in there in the morning something is 'off' and she thinks it must be someone else doing it. Possibilities:

• toilet seat is down - in her past there was a husband who would leave the seat up so her first sight in the morning would be of the toilet seat up, so that's what she is expecting?
• toilet lid is up - she normally closes the lid but at night doesn't do this?
• she is having 'accidents' at night, perhaps weeing on the floor or the seat?
• the bathroom is arranged differently to that in her previous home, so the things she always checks e.g. window, toilet, basin, towel, are not in the 'usual' places, so someone has got in and moved them?
• she catches sight of herself in the mirror as she goes into the bathroom and her brain plays a deja vu trick so she sort of thinks she has seen someone else in there?
• a neighbour is flushing / showering or whatever just before she gets up, she can hear it, and thinks they are in her home, not next door?

It is difficult not to be 'challenging' but perhaps you could say "Oh dear, have they been again? Can you show me what they have done?" That will give you clues as to what is triggering it and you may be able to make some minor adjustments that will help.

 

[ggma]

It is a difficult one to manage, but I have found that disagreeing or saying it did not happen does not work, the suggestion above of looking at what they have done and sympathizing is probably best. You may also have to offer reassurance by saying, warden will look at camera's to see who came in door etc.

It does depend on how long her memory is and if she knows it keeps happening, the brain does do strange things, and obviously it is very real to her, and so distressing for you all.

 

[Rural Mouse]

Hi Vinvin

I immediately thought like Katrine, someone next door flushing or making noise. Then I remembered my mum constantly telling me next door were doing their washing at night, constantly running the water. It used to really upset her. Now a few years later I realise she must have had that thing with noises in the ears (sorry it's completely gone out of my head at the moment). I have it now and have actually gone round the house checking in the night - it's like the noise a toilet cystern makes when filling up. Poor mum, I never really took it seriously as I knew no-one was washing through the night.
RM

 

[vinvin]

Thanks everyone I will definately try checking the bathroom it may be that she hears next door in bathroom as you can hear quite a lot especially when quiet. Will try to tell her I have spoken to police see if that might pacify her a little. I have thought of moving her but don't want to do that and find it starts again somewhere else.