It's a month since Mum moved into the care home. Initially I was there from waking til lights out. Based on her history, I had already got the lorazepam ready to go. She'd never taken that before. And she still hasn't. There hasn't been a tear shed on her part. There was one 'I hate this place' when I took her out briefly end of week one. Since then she's been nowhere. Tomorrow I'm taking her to the chiropodist. So I am a bit apprehensive that that will be disorientating.
Because I was there, I was able to gauge that she was ready for me to start backing off a bit. But then my Dad got COVID and then I got it and that was the end of that, she had to go 'cold turkey'. But fortunately that was already 3 weeks in. Initially I'd been thinking, I'm locked into being there from 5 til bedtime for like, forever, as I could see the rest of them being put into their nightdresses at 1745hrs and with no stimulation. I feel a bit queasy that's what's now happening to her but I'm not reinstating myself.
As her full-time carer, I knew exactly what care she was getting. Now I'm attempting to be a puppetmaster and can't get any of the strings to work. I think the way most care homes work is that they dash into the room to do the wash and dress. They get the food and drink on the table and then they are gone to the rooms where people are bedbound and need hoisting and feeding. The main headline is she isn't distressed and in fact, less than when she was at home. But is anyone focussing on her great reluctance to take fluids, despite me dancing around over the topic, no. And what exactly is happening to her knickers? Initially I thought they are sending them to their laundry and now we've labelled them all with a laundry pen, no biggie. Now I'm wondering are some carers not doing a full wash and leaving her in yesterday's knickers? Not ok. Getting anyone to wash her hair when I couldn't go in, required constant reiteration.
Luckily nearly all the staff are cool with me, and I haven't lost my rag at all, but it does feel like personalised requests in a context where the ratio of staff to residents is such as it is (apparently the calculator says it's fine), will fall on deaf ears. But you have to keep trying. So I don't feel tons of guilt, because my Mum isn't unhappy, but I do feel a bit, because she's not getting the attention that you think she or anyone else deserves. I have peace of mind up to a point and I'm also still worrying.
I suppose I just want to encourage an open mind in other carers about to go through this transition. I'd rehearsed all the stuff I'd say to her and I never had to use it. I'd say, if people tell you, no you must leave them there and not go anywhere near them for X number of weeks, well maybe, but maybe not. In my journey with Mum, it's often been the things I hadn't anticipated being an issue, that have been.
Because I was there, I was able to gauge that she was ready for me to start backing off a bit. But then my Dad got COVID and then I got it and that was the end of that, she had to go 'cold turkey'. But fortunately that was already 3 weeks in. Initially I'd been thinking, I'm locked into being there from 5 til bedtime for like, forever, as I could see the rest of them being put into their nightdresses at 1745hrs and with no stimulation. I feel a bit queasy that's what's now happening to her but I'm not reinstating myself.
As her full-time carer, I knew exactly what care she was getting. Now I'm attempting to be a puppetmaster and can't get any of the strings to work. I think the way most care homes work is that they dash into the room to do the wash and dress. They get the food and drink on the table and then they are gone to the rooms where people are bedbound and need hoisting and feeding. The main headline is she isn't distressed and in fact, less than when she was at home. But is anyone focussing on her great reluctance to take fluids, despite me dancing around over the topic, no. And what exactly is happening to her knickers? Initially I thought they are sending them to their laundry and now we've labelled them all with a laundry pen, no biggie. Now I'm wondering are some carers not doing a full wash and leaving her in yesterday's knickers? Not ok. Getting anyone to wash her hair when I couldn't go in, required constant reiteration.
Luckily nearly all the staff are cool with me, and I haven't lost my rag at all, but it does feel like personalised requests in a context where the ratio of staff to residents is such as it is (apparently the calculator says it's fine), will fall on deaf ears. But you have to keep trying. So I don't feel tons of guilt, because my Mum isn't unhappy, but I do feel a bit, because she's not getting the attention that you think she or anyone else deserves. I have peace of mind up to a point and I'm also still worrying.
I suppose I just want to encourage an open mind in other carers about to go through this transition. I'd rehearsed all the stuff I'd say to her and I never had to use it. I'd say, if people tell you, no you must leave them there and not go anywhere near them for X number of weeks, well maybe, but maybe not. In my journey with Mum, it's often been the things I hadn't anticipated being an issue, that have been.
