Hello! so I am really hoping for a bit of advice.....I am really struggling not to get frustrated/angry with my Dad.
He was diagnosed by his GP with early dementia, back in march 2023, but then he wouldn't go for the scan! because he didn't like the thought of it and also he has COPD so doesn't like the idea of even going to the hospital! - I struggle as I get so frustrated with him! as he never trys, he has always has been lazy!, both physically and mentally! My mum did everything for him/them in their marriage....My mum died in 2019, so now he always complains how he hardly sees anyone, and does the whole pity party thing... he was never bothered about seeing us when my mum was alive, but we'd still visit fairly regually, its just selfish of him now.. so I guess I am a bit resentful that he now suddenly thinks its up to us to visit him ALL the time, he doesn't think or care that I have a 4hr round trip - my brother lives two mins from him yet he won't call in to there house to see them (and his grandchildren), he basically drives past their house as he'd rather go to the pub instead, and when he does see my brother, rather it be for a drink in the pub.
Anyway, Monday I sorted his car insurance for him, then Wednesday morning he calls me asking if we are doing his car tax as it's due next week? its not and I don't know why he said that, I said why have you a letter, then he's like no I just thought it was ... then he said 'did we do my car insurance'. The other issue is he tell lies, always has, just those white lies, only over the last couple of years they now sound totally ridiculous as I simply know they are not true, and I don't know why he does it and its hard to tell what is his Dementia/lies or laziness - an example, last November a tree fell down near his pub, blocking the car park, he told me he had the farmers number in his phone (they use to go clay shooting together 35years ago and have not seen each other for 20year!) so he called him and he came in his tractor to move the tree...this did not happen .
I just struggle not to get shirty with him! I told him Monday that my husband will be down 'at some point' to fit his thermostat , so on the phone he said 'so ill see him soon then, as I don't see anyone'...... arghhhh! I feel bad, but it makes me angry then at the same time makes me feel a selfish daughter! I live 2hrs away, and its things like the fact my parents only visited there own parents three times a year, yet he expects me to 'pop down' all the time, like I don't have a life..... and I have to remind him his son lives round the corner
Im just having a stressful time knowing how to deal with him and how to deal with myself, Im sorry if this sounds an angry rant, I just don't know how to deal with him - has anyone else been in a similar situation?
He was diagnosed by his GP with early dementia, back in march 2023, but then he wouldn't go for the scan! because he didn't like the thought of it and also he has COPD so doesn't like the idea of even going to the hospital! - I struggle as I get so frustrated with him! as he never trys, he has always has been lazy!, both physically and mentally! My mum did everything for him/them in their marriage....My mum died in 2019, so now he always complains how he hardly sees anyone, and does the whole pity party thing... he was never bothered about seeing us when my mum was alive, but we'd still visit fairly regually, its just selfish of him now.. so I guess I am a bit resentful that he now suddenly thinks its up to us to visit him ALL the time, he doesn't think or care that I have a 4hr round trip - my brother lives two mins from him yet he won't call in to there house to see them (and his grandchildren), he basically drives past their house as he'd rather go to the pub instead, and when he does see my brother, rather it be for a drink in the pub.
Anyway, Monday I sorted his car insurance for him, then Wednesday morning he calls me asking if we are doing his car tax as it's due next week? its not and I don't know why he said that, I said why have you a letter, then he's like no I just thought it was ... then he said 'did we do my car insurance'. The other issue is he tell lies, always has, just those white lies, only over the last couple of years they now sound totally ridiculous as I simply know they are not true, and I don't know why he does it and its hard to tell what is his Dementia/lies or laziness - an example, last November a tree fell down near his pub, blocking the car park, he told me he had the farmers number in his phone (they use to go clay shooting together 35years ago and have not seen each other for 20year!) so he called him and he came in his tractor to move the tree...this did not happen .
I just struggle not to get shirty with him! I told him Monday that my husband will be down 'at some point' to fit his thermostat , so on the phone he said 'so ill see him soon then, as I don't see anyone'...... arghhhh! I feel bad, but it makes me angry then at the same time makes me feel a selfish daughter! I live 2hrs away, and its things like the fact my parents only visited there own parents three times a year, yet he expects me to 'pop down' all the time, like I don't have a life..... and I have to remind him his son lives round the corner
Im just having a stressful time knowing how to deal with him and how to deal with myself, Im sorry if this sounds an angry rant, I just don't know how to deal with him - has anyone else been in a similar situation?
