Crabby hubby


New member
May 26, 2024
Hi. I live in the USA on the Western coast of Oregon. Last Octoner during my required yearly Medicare exam, my NP diagnosed me with early onset Dementia. By the way, I will be 70 in August and retired in 2017. He referred me to the Neurologist down the hall from his Office. That Neurologist was retiring in 3 or 4 weeks and was no longer taking new patients. I’m still looking for one. My problem is my husband keeps getting angrier and angrier at some of the things that I have been doing lately like coming to life around 7 pm and still going strong at midnight or later. He “orders” me to go to bed immediately and then the real arguments start. They only end when I acquiesce to his demands of blind obedience. A few early evenings ago he got so red faced and shaky but it wasn’t until he picked up one of our barstools to throw it but stopped himself just short of doing that. Now I fear for when my condition gets worse and my behaviors get worse. I don’t know if he will be able to deal with me without him becoming violent but I can’t afford to live alone. This September will be our 45th wedding anniversary and we have weathered many storms together coming out from each one together and strong. But this time is different cuz I am no longer so strong in what my senses tell me to do and count on myself enough without him always pointing out my mistakes and my lack of energy or desire to leave our house and socialize. Where can I turn to find someone who can help him? Where can I find myself a great Neurologist? I have searched most of my state during the past 7 months since I was diagnosed. I’m running out of options. I have 2 siblings that I just can’t ask for anything. They both live out of state. One is my sister who is self-absorbed in her familly that she tunes out anyone who isn’t involved in one of her grandsons various outdoor after school activities. I just need to be pointed in the right direction and maybe then I can take it from there.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
Welcome to the forum @WackyNacki.

I’ms so sorry to read about your diagnosis and your situation. It sounds really difficult.

I’m glad you’ve found this forum as I know you will find understanding and support here.

I’m concerned that you’re fearful of your husband’s aggression. I see you are in Oregon so it will be difficult for our members to suggest specific help for you. I see the society in Oregon has a helpline. It might be useful for you to give them a ring and ask advice from them -

Keep posting here too.

Scarlet Lady

Registered User
Apr 6, 2021
Hello, @WackyNacki . I think @Izzy has given you some good advice, as here in the U.K., our health and social services are very different. For instance, I don't know what an NP is and a diagnosis of dementia would never be made in a routine physical here.
However, you most definitely need help and support. Would it be possible to go back to the NP and get some recommendations for other neurologists? Or have you already done that? Like Izzy, I’m concerned at your husband‘s aggression. Has he always been like this? If not, then maybe he’s reacting badly because he’s scared at what the future may hold. That’s no excuse, of course, but may explain his bad behaviour.
I‘m so sorry you don’t feel you can count on support from your family. This is a common situation, unfortunately And I don’t know what the answer is. I hope you get support from the helpline and do please let us know how you get on.