Caring for a family member with dementia and is struggling to recouperate

[Sweetee]

Hello. My name is Lisa. I found this group to help me get some support and information regarding dementia and my family member. My 89 year old aunt came to live with me after my parents passed. It's now almost 3 years she has been with me. She fell back in April and broke her hip and femur. As a result she had surgery and has since been recouperating in rehab. Unfortunately, her dementia appears to have gotten worse and of course it's affecting her recovery. She ended up with pneumonia and a uti with sepsis a week and a half ago. She went back to the rehab last Thursday and while the sepsis and infections cleared up her dementia is taking it's toll and she has eaten very tiny bites of food if anything and minimal water. When she does eat or drink she chokes. She is on pureed food now but it doesn't matter, she just has no desire to eat. They are not able to give her her medication at times throughout the day because of this. My heart is broken as I do not know what to expect and how much longer we have together. I know no one knows, but I am doing my best to cope with this and make her as comfortable as possible until then. The doctor is recommending comfort care and I know the next steps will be hospice. Any feedback would be so very appreciated.

 

[littleblue05]

Hi Lisa, I’m not usually one to comment. I am carer for my mum, 83, with dementia but found this page when my dear Dad had vascular dementia, he passed in May 2019.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Aunt and her current situation, it sounds like she’s been through so much recently, you are doing everything you can making her comfortable and being there, Your love for your Aunt is obvious and it is a heartbreaking place to be just now.
My Dad very suddenly became unable to eat, started to sleep mostly, then not eating at all, this was the start of the end and looking back that although i feared / possibly knew it was happening I wish someone had spelt it out to me and explained everything to me, i think they were scared of upsetting me. Your Aunt may bounce back from this, in October my Mum suddenly lost appetite and was hardly eating, under 6 stone, but has slowly built back up to reasonable amounts of food again.
My only advice to you would be to talk to the nurses and ask them to be completely honest and explain everything to you.
My love and thoughts are with you. Feel free to talk to me anytime, Tina x

 

[Louise7]

Hello @Sweetee and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. So sorry to hear about your mum, she has been through a lot recently and unfortunately hospital admissions, surgery and infections can all result in a deterioration. My mum went through similar and it's hard to see the decline, and so difficult when this stage is reached. You have received some good advice above about asking the nurses to be completely honest and to explain everything to you. In my mum's nursing home the staff tended to say a standard 'she's fine' when asked which wasn't helpful. As already mentioned, sometimes people 'bounce back' and it can seem to be like a roller coaster at this stage which makes it so difficult to know what to expect. You are clearly doing the best for your aunt by ensuring that she is kept comfortable, and I hope that the support you will receive here on the forum, from others who have been through the same and understand how you are feeling, will help during this difficult time.