Infuriating Conversations

[BeeBeeDee]

So I said to my husband -
Me - Can you make a cup of tea please while I go sort the washing
Him - Have you made a cup of tea
Me - No can you make one please
Him - Are you going to make one now
Me - No I am going to sort the washing, can you make a cup of tea
Him - If you have made one why do I need to make one
Me - I haven't made one
Him - You just said you had made one
Me - No I said can you make one
Him - YES I KNOW I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE NOW

These sort of conversations happen many times per day

 

[sapphire turner]

I feel your pain 🙈🙀🙈🙀we have so many conversations like this. Can you take the tray upstairs? Yes of course ( Lifts one cup of coffee off the tray and leaves the rest) can you put the washing on? (Puts half of the washing on a bizarre low spin cycle then mixes it with the unwashed other half) I could go on and on 🙈🙈🙈 it is doing my head in. I know I should be more sympathetic but *** ❤️❤️❤️

 

[BeeBeeDee]

I feel your pain 🙈🙀🙈🙀we have so many conversations like this. Can you take the tray upstairs? Yes of course ( Lifts one cup of coffee off the tray and leaves the rest) can you put the washing on? (Puts half of the washing on a bizarre low spin cycle then mixes it with the unwashed other half) I could go on and on 🙈🙈🙈 it is doing my head in. I know I should be more sympathetic but *** ❤️❤️❤️

Test the patience of a Saint - funny when it's a one off but numerour times day after day - Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh

 

[JC51]

Be prepared, it’s going to get a lot worse.

 

[maggie6445]

Mmm....I don't ask my OH as I know he's not capable of doing it. Much easier to do everything myself than wearing myself out asking him to do things he can't do properly and end up undoing his mistake before doing right myself! Life's tough enough without wasting energy🙂

 

[sapphire turner]

I always feel a bit guilty about taking jobs away from him, although it takes much less time and energy to do it myself. But I have to be feeling very strong now to let him do stuff that I know he will mess up. It’s like letting your three year old make your breakfast- possibly empowering for them but a bit rubbish for you having to eat it 🙈🙀🙈🙀

 

[MaNaAk]

So I said to my husband -
Me - Can you make a cup of tea please while I go sort the washing
Him - Have you made a cup of tea
Me - No can you make one please
Him - Are you going to make one now
Me - No I am going to sort the washing, can you make a cup of tea
Him - If you have made one why do I need to make one
Me - I haven't made one
Him - You just said you had made one
Me - No I said can you make one
Him - YES I KNOW I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE NOW

These sort of conversations happen many times per day

A conversation with dad (now deceased)

Me: "Hello dad it's me, MaNaAk"

Dad: "It's J! J here!"

Me: "It's me MaNaAk"

Dad: "J! J here!"

Me: "Dad it's MaNaAk! I'm on my way home!"

Dad: "It's J! J!"

MaNaAk

 

[BeeBeeDee]

Mmm....I don't ask my OH as I know he's not capable of doing it. Much easier to do everything myself than wearing myself out asking him to do things he can't do properly and end up undoing his mistake before doing right myself! Life's

I guess I am clinging on as long as I can, but I am getting to that point Maggie

 

[BeeBeeDee]

Be prepared, it’s going to get a lot worse.

Thanks for that 😧😭😩

 

[maggie6445]

I always feel a bit guilty about taking jobs away from him, although it takes much less time and energy to do it myself. But I have to be feeling very strong now to let him do stuff that I know he will mess up. It’s like letting your three year old make your breakfast- possibly empowering for them but a bit rubbish for you having to eat it 🙈🙀🙈🙀

🙂 But a three year old will learn from the experience. Sadly, your husband won't

 

[Blissy]

I am the same as it is much less stressful to do the jobs my husband really can't manage. There are some we do together like bagging up the recycling but very few he can manage. Yes I feel bad but to be honest I think asking them to do things they aren't really capable of increases their anxiety. Problem is finding things to fill the day. He won't go to clubs although I think I am getting to the point where I will just have to get him to a day centre to give me a break. Only problem is the fallout from that makes things harder than not bothering in the first place!

 

[Anthoula]

My OH tells me that he can do everything - until the time comes! It becomes exhausting, either continually asking and/or instructing him how to do even the simplest of tasks, but there aren`t enough hours in the day to do everything myself.

 

[BeeBeeDee]

My OH tells me that he can do everything - until the time comes! It becomes exhausting, either continually asking and/or instructing him how to do even the simplest of tasks, but there aren`t enough hours in the day to do everything myself.

Yes yes and yes - I actually double checked to see if it was me who had written this comment X

 

[maggie6445]

I am the same as it is much less stressful to do the jobs my husband really can't manage. There are some we do together like bagging up the recycling but very few he can manage. Yes I feel bad but to be honest I think asking them to do things they aren't really capable of increases their anxiety. Problem is finding things to fill the day. He won't go to clubs although I think I am getting to the point where I will just have to get him to a day centre to give me a break. Only problem is the fallout from that makes things harder than not bothering in the first place!

My OH wasn't a club type person and always said no to day care . We go to coffee clubs for socialising and games morning where he's made a couple of male friends. He's ok going now so when I introduced day care I told him one of his friends was starting there too and I left him with his friend eating a crumpet and drinking coffee. I haven't told him I pay for him to go and I sold it to him as another coffee social event . He hasn't objected and this morning was his fourth visit . He'd definitely say no if he knew he was paying 🤣

 

[Buntie123]

My OH wasn't a club type person and always said no to day care . We go to coffee clubs for socialising and games morning where he's made a couple of male friends. He's ok going now so when I introduced day care I told him one of his friends was starting there too and I left him with his friend eating a crumpet and drinking coffee. I haven't told him I pay for him to go and I sold it to him as another coffee social event . He hasn't objected and this morning was his fourth visit . He'd definitely say no if he knew he was paying 🤣

Oh dear Blissyx I can understand your situation x

 

[annieka 56]

So I said to my husband -
Me - Can you make a cup of tea please while I go sort the washing
Him - Have you made a cup of tea
Me - No can you make one please
Him - Are you going to make one now
Me - No I am going to sort the washing, can you make a cup of tea
Him - If you have made one why do I need to make one
Me - I haven't made one
Him - You just said you had made one
Me - No I said can you make one
Him - YES I KNOW I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE NOW

These sort of conversations happen many times p

So I said to my husband -
Me - Can you make a cup of tea please while I go sort the washing
Him - Have you made a cup of tea
Me - No can you make one please
Him - Are you going to make one now
Me - No I am going to sort the washing, can you make a cup of tea
Him - If you have made one why do I need to make one
Me - I haven't made one
Him - You just said you had made one
Me - No I said can you make one
Him - YES I KNOW I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE NOW

These sort of conversations happen many times per day

Oh it's draining but what are the alternatives...

sadly my husband now has total aphasia and cannot communicate verbally at all and now we have to mind read and anticipate his every need. Active, strong, anxious, destructive, mobile, non verbal...
we occasionally remember what his lovely voice was like and some of his catch phrases.

I would enjoy hearing it while you can.

 

[jennifer1967]

mine is the same. i think i repeat everything at least 5 times. in the end i tell him im not repeating it again. he then will tell me what ive said. we think its a habit that he does automatically. sometimes i have to explain or describe what i want. he can make a cup of tea and dish dinner, it just takes so long to get some jobs done. he couldnt help me put a sheet on his bed when i asked. he doesnt link things together either

 

[Blissy]

My OH wasn't a club type person and always said no to day care . We go to coffee clubs for socialising and games morning where he's made a couple of male friends. He's ok going now so when I introduced day care I told him one of his friends was starting there too and I left him with his friend eating a crumpet and drinking coffee. I haven't told him I pay for him to go and I sold it to him as another coffee social event . He hasn't objected and this morning was his fourth visit . He'd definitely say no if he knew he was paying 🤣

Will perhaps have to try the way you did it....small steps and all that!

 

[annieka 56]

Yes yes and yes - I actually double checked to see if it was me who had written this comment X

Q

My OH tells me that he can do everything - until the time comes! It becomes exhausting, either continually asking and/or instructing him how to do even the simplest of tasks, but there aren`t enough hours in the day to do everything myself.

It's very hard to do everything yourself while looking after and thinking for another person.Before ever having carers I just wish I had done something sensible and employed a cleaner for a few hours a week to take on some of the domestic load.
I was resistant as my mother did cleaning when I was a child to make ends meet and I resented that she wasn't there at times and was often really tired. Now there are really good hard working young women who do great jobs cleaning for other people.

 

[Silversally]

Q

It's very hard to do everything yourself while looking after and thinking for another person.Before ever having carers I just wish I had done something sensible and employed a cleaner for a few hours a week to take on some of the domestic load.
I was resistant as my mother did cleaning when I was a child to make ends meet and I resented that she wasn't there at times and was often really tired. Now there are really good hard working young women who do great jobs cleaning for other people.

One of the reasons I try never to let my husband know I am struggling with the housework is because he will say I can pay someone else to do it. Not that they would like some of the cleaning I have to do because he is less than fastidious in the bathroom! This is because he lived overseas for many years with live-in servants. I have a bit of a block about getting someone to help, but will have to do it eventually.