Your thoughts?

[saville]

My dad is very ill with dementia. He sleeps most of the time, has some vague awareness of what is going on around him, but is mostly in some strange fantasy land from the past. He does recognise his children, still eats quite well, and is still just about mobile. He does have various other medical issues and we don't think he has long to go. The dementia came on quite slowly at first, maybe a year or two ago, but then he very rapidly deteriorated earlier this year. He was admitted to hospital from his residential home in February as he had really take a turn for the worse and they could not cope. Also because a UTI was suspected, however, this was not the cause of his delirium. He ended up staying in hospital as the Residential Home would not take him back and in fact the hospital would not discharge him to there anyway. We had great difficulty finding a nursing home that would take him and the NHS finally found one for him after about 4 weeks in hospital. It's not the best, but it's good enough, and he has some carers who work really well with him. The problem is that it is very far from all 6 of his children - very far, but not impossible. He has been in the new home for just over two months now during which time his health has continued to deteriorate. Some of my siblings (there are 6 of us) have been looking for homes that are nearer and easier to get to, and have now found somewhere. What do people think about moving him again - it would be the third time this year...? Would the fact that he would get more frequent visits outweigh the fact that he will be confused and disoriented by the move? Or would it hasten him towards h
the end? I would really appreciate hearing what people think. Thank you.

 

[nellbelles]

Hello @saville wecome to TP
As a family you obviously have some difficult decisions to make, my feelings are how much did the last move upset him?
Also if he gets any worse would you be able to get to see him quickly in an emergency?
Hopefully others will join in your discussion will more advice
Now you have found the forum I hope you will keep posting

 

[love.dad.but..]

I never had to move my dad from his NH so these are just my thoughts on first reading your post. I personally believe that for some once moderate stage is reached dementia is on a sometimes steady sometimes hastening downward path and a move may cause more confusion but that may well have happened anyway. If you can be assured that the home that has been found can meet his current needs and also as he declines further I think for you all ...move your dad. He and you all will benefit from easier and more regular visiting and that will give you peace of mind for his remaining days so you can react quickly to anything that arises

 

[saville]

Thanks for your replies. The bit about getting to him quickly in an emergency is really helpful @nellbelles. I do think each move has brought further distress and deterioration, but so hard to know what would have happened otherwise - is it just the path of dementia as you say @love.dad.but...? I look forward to more thoughts on this as I am quite torn between thinking that it will really distress and disorient him to quite detrimental effect, and the fact we will all be able to visit him more easily if he moves - is it best for everyone, or really just for my siblings and I....?

 

[Kikki21]

How far away are you all from your dad right now?
If it is more than a couple of hours away then I think I would move him so yes he gets more visits from you & your siblings even if he may not be too aware of them. It may make you all feel a bit better about the whole sad situation.

 

[Jale]

My gut feeling would be to say to move him to be nearer to you and your family.

My dad was in hospital (he didn't have dementia) which is about a 20 minute drive away for us, in the same town, and we never made it to the hospital in time when we got the call that he had taken a turn for the worst. It wasn't expected and very sudden but I have always felt so bad that we didn't get there in time.

By moving your dad, although he may not be aware of your visits, as Kikki21 has said it may help you all in the long run. If this awful illness has taught me one thing is we have to think of ourselves and feelings as well as the PWD