Your kind advice would be much appreciated

[daddysgurl]

My dad came home from re-hab yesterday afternoon. He is ok so far on his frame but just wanted to go to bed! Started with broken hip in a fall June this year and a few procedures since for various things. Was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia a month ago. Wasnt interested in watching anything I had recorded on telly that I put on this morning, that he was always interested in, doesn't hold a conversation. When asked what he wanted for breakfast this morning, just looked at me. Shredded Wheat? yes please.
Carer helped him back to bed after a Complan at 6.40pm last night and he wasn't keen on getting up this morning for carer at 09.15! Finally up and breakfast and demanded to go to bed at 10.10am. Sound asleep at the mo. Carer due after lunch to put him to bed 1-1.30pm. Told him will get him up for lunch, only to be put back again virtually straight after! How do I handle the wanting to sleep all the time, lack of interest in anything, is it right to put him to bed when he demands to?

 

[rajahh]

I don't see how you can refuse his request really. My husband is in bed 18 hours of the 24 now, I just let him show signs he wants to get up . He usually gets up for lunch and then stays up until 6.30.p.m.

Others may have different opinions, but I just let my husband dictate the pace of his life.

Jeannette

 

[Witzend]

Maybe he is just tired - I have heard of another case like this recently and the GP said to let the person sleep if that was what they wanted.

As for being interested in TV and so on, there often does come a point where the person is no longer capable of taking an interest in anything like that. My mother cannot take an interest in anything any more, and does spend much of her time either asleep or dozing, albeit often in a chair at her care home.

Does he have a very comfortable chair to sit in when he's up? Maybe he's simply more comfortable in bad.

 

[Noorza]

I also think I'd let him sleep if he's tired but try to ensure he gets as much nourishment as you can while he awakes. I feel it would be better to be guided by how tired your Dad is, even if he needs a lot of sleep.

 

[kingmidas1962]

I think if he needs to sleep /rest it might be easier to let him dictate his routine. Maybe (but not definitely) he may take a little interest in things if he has enough rest. He may not of course, but that's the nature of the beast.

My dad was always very much a 'sitter' and very sleepy. He used to read masses but that slowly declined - he's quite content now just watching tv in his room - and he doesn't much care what it is, although he still likes snooker and golf if we can find the right channel

Sometimes I think the sufferer will tell you in their own way what they want

 

[almin]

For the last year my wife only wanted to sleep.
18 to 20 hours a day was not uncommon. I was lucky enough to be retired, so was able to adjust my day to suit although if I went into the garden for ten minutes, she would get up and follow me out. She was so insecure, couldn't bear to be alone. I had to stop going to the local shop two minutes away.

Her funeral is tomorrow, I am pleased she will suffer no more pain and indignity. Have just been to the chapel with DIL. Pat looks so beautiful and young and peaceful with lovely smooth skin. The first time in two years that she has not had a frightened look on her face.

I still feel lonely, but somehow contented now that the pain is over.

Almin

 

[DebShorter]

I would just let him rest. Rehab is wearing on them and takes a lot of energy. It is important that he eat, so if he is getting nourishment and fluids I would just let him sleep. My Mom has lost interest in TV, I think it confuses her. From what I understand that is not uncommon. What about music? My Mom relates to music well and where she is at now they play music all day long. The others seem to enjoy it and you can hear them singing catches of songs now and then. Many times it brings back pleasant memories.

 

[Vesnina]

My mother fell 7 times in December, while she was loosing sight and space orientation and strengh.
There was no broken bones, but she suffered.

She would just stay at floor and tried to recuperate.

After the worst fall, it looked this ugly I was sure at first her backbone was broken,
we put her to bed, she slept, she took some food and water, slept again,
she did not want to try to stand, just stayed in bed until the evening.
And she recovered more or less.
Sleep is important in this.

 

[Bramble68]

My mum has naps a couple of times a day, and goes to bed quite early, which is quite a change for her as she used to be up fairly late and never napped. I think part of it could be getting older, but it's so striking it's probably mostly the dementia. It doesn't bother her, we all have keys to let ourselves into the house, and call out if she's not around.

Her habits have definitely changed over the last six to eight months, she's still a calm lady, was never depressive or highly strung, but is starting to get upset at little things. I think the increased need for sleep is just another symptom, but may also be an unconscious need to switch off if she gets upset about something.

 

[Vesnina]

... but may also be an unconscious need to switch off if she gets upset about something.

Very interesting. I have a friend who went to sleep whenever she had a problem.
And this reminds me on the Russian stories, skaskas, on Andrew or...
who would be given unimaginable tasks too severe for him.
The morning is wiser than night, Vasilisa the Beautiful would say, and,
while Andrew the Hunter would sleep,
all the animals or.. would solve the impossible tasks...

 

[Witzend]

My mum has naps a couple of times a day, and goes to bed quite early, which is quite a change for her as she used to be up fairly late and never napped. I think part of it could be getting older, but it's so striking it's probably mostly the dementia. It doesn't bother her, we all have keys to let ourselves into the house, and call out if she's not around.

Her habits have definitely changed over the last six to eight months, she's still a calm lady, was never depressive or highly strung, but is starting to get upset at little things. I think the increased need for sleep is just another symptom, but may also be an unconscious need to switch off if she gets upset about something.

I also found that quite early on in her dementia my mother started going to bed a lot earlier. Previously she had often been up until midnight. It was hard when I was there for one of my very frequent 'sleepovers', since she would want to go to bed at 8 or even earlier, and would be fretful and agitated if I wanted to stay up when according to her it was bedtime. So I would pretend to go and then creep down a bit later when I thought she was asleep, and put the TV on low.

 

[CeliaW]

Almin - I am so sorry to read of your loss and hope the peace and relief you feel that your wife is no longer suffering, stays with you and gives you strength in the times ahead,.

I hope all goes smoothly with the funeral today,

Take care

Celia

 

[almin]

Everything went as good as it possibly could for such an occasion.

The sun shone brilliantly through the autumn colours in the lovely Surrey countryside, and as we got to the chapel there was a sparkling fountain caught in the sunlight.

Everything was on time, all the relations and neighbours there. The service was excellent, a good friend read the eulogy as I would have cracked if I tried.

We had a small get together for long distance guests, then took the flowers up to the grave of Pat's parents.

The music selected was "might as well rain until September "by Carol King, How great thou art by Susan Boyle and I'll be home by Pat Boone. Thr first and last were special to us from our early days.

Many, many tears were shed, mostly by me.

All in all as good as it could be.

My son and DIL go back home tomorrow, 800 miles away, and I am looking forward to a quiet few days to get myself together and establish new routines. It will be difficult as I have never done anything without Pat being with me.

Thankyou all for your support
No flowers, but donations to Alzhemers

Almin

 

[Noorza]

For the last year my wife only wanted to sleep.
18 to 20 hours a day was not uncommon. I was lucky enough to be retired, so was able to adjust my day to suit although if I went into the garden for ten minutes, she would get up and follow me out. She was so insecure, couldn't bear to be alone. I had to stop going to the local shop two minutes away.

Her funeral is tomorrow, I am pleased she will suffer no more pain and indignity. Have just been to the chapel with DIL. Pat looks so beautiful and young and peaceful with lovely smooth skin. The first time in two years that she has not had a frightened look on her face.

I still feel lonely, but somehow contented now that the pain is over.

Almin

I am so very sorry for your loss Almin, I wish you strength to get through the times to come but am glad you can find comfort somewhere.

 

[Noorza]

Everything went as good as it possibly could for such an occasion.

The sun shone brilliantly through the autumn colours in the lovely Surrey countryside, and as we got to the chapel there was a sparkling fountain caught in the sunlight.

Everything was on time, all the relations and neighbours there. The service was excellent, a good friend read the eulogy as I would have cracked if I tried.

We had a small get together for long distance guests, then took the flowers up to the grave of Pat's parents.

The music selected was "might as well rain until September "by Carol King, How great thou art by Susan Boyle and I'll be home by Pat Boone. Thr first and last were special to us from our early days.

Many, many tears were shed, mostly by me.

All in all as good as it could be.

My son and DIL go back home tomorrow, 800 miles away, and I am looking forward to a quiet few days to get myself together and establish new routines. It will be difficult as I have never done anything without Pat being with me.

Thankyou all for your support
No flowers, but donations to Alzhemers

Almin

It sounds as beautiful as it was possible to be, well done for giving her such a special service.

 

[daddysgurl]

Thanx

Hi. Thank you all for your good advice. We are trying to get a bit of routine going. Carer is coming in after 9am and then dad is sitting in his chair waiting for his 2 shredded wheat and full cream milk which (so far) he thoroughly enjoys. Lunch is virtually non existent (b'fast filling) but I give him a full milk complan before he begs to go back to bed. This morning it was 11.30am. He is in bed now but I will make sure he is up at 5 for supper. Not a big appetite but eats something plus ice cream after! The milk is a food so not particularly worried about the food side at the moment. Carer will be round between 6.30-7.00pm because he gets restless after 'watching' Eggheads and wants to go back to bed til the morning. He hasn't complained about his chair but a pressure cushion is on order.

His arm shaking is now becoming more frequent, and also cant remember the number of his house, etc.

Thank you all once again x

 

[almin]

Sorry for hijacking your thread, but got carried away. I know exactly what you are going through, it is worse for the carer as they can see what is happening to their loved ones.

I do hope things go well for you.

Almin

 

[daddysgurl]

Sorry for hijacking your thread, but got carried away. I know exactly what you are going through, it is worse for the carer as they can see what is happening to their loved ones.

I do hope things go well for you.

Almin

Thanx Almin. You keep your chin up.

 

[Hedgy]

Hi. Thank you all for your good advice. We are trying to get a bit of routine going. Carer is coming in after 9am and then dad is sitting in his chair waiting for his 2 shredded wheat and full cream milk which (so far) he thoroughly enjoys. Lunch is virtually non existent (b'fast filling) but I give him a full milk complan before he begs to go back to bed. This morning it was 11.30am. He is in bed now but I will make sure he is up at 5 for supper. Not a big appetite but eats something plus ice cream after! The milk is a food so not particularly worried about the food side at the moment. Carer will be round between 6.30-7.00pm because he gets restless after 'watching' Eggheads and wants to go back to bed til the morning. He hasn't complained about his chair but a pressure cushion is on order.

His arm shaking is now becoming more frequent, and also cant remember the number of his house, etc.

Thank you all once again x

I am just wondering if they haven`t started your dad on any new medication whilst in rehab? Or changed any of the doses?

 

[daddysgurl]

I am just wondering if they haven`t started your dad on any new medication whilst in rehab? Or changed any of the doses?

Afraid not Hedgy. Dad has Vascular Dementia and they reckon medication will not help him as it can with AD. Only takes usual meds, Iron, Calcium and painkillers if needed.