Hi
My mum has short-term memory loss. She lives in her own home just down the street from me. The love of her life, my dad aged 61, died around 19 years ago from a dreadful stroke and every day since she wishes she had gone with him. She is very active still and can look after herself just fine. The GP says her daily routines should stay with her for a long time as they are so deeply rooted.
Its the financial side that is the problem. Early last year she did give my husband and I Enduring Power of Attorney in case anything ever happened to her. November '06 arrived and she was in such a muddle financially. Drawing money from her bills account instead of the current account. Not understanding her bank statements or even the overdrawn letters coming to her. She was quite happy for me to keep my eye on her 2 accounts at this particular bank and was pleased to be rid of the worry. Only to view them though and she would still go and spend from them as always. But I could keep an eye on them to see that cheques and standing orders were ok.
In December '06 she was put on Reminyl. In just 2 months the Reminyl has made a difference to her. She is more aware now and doesn't know why I need to have her bank statements or be keeping an eye on things. She says she is quite capable of doing it all herself, thank you. When I point out that she needs to keep an eye on cheque spending and show her what she is doing on her statements, she can't reason at all. She just says that any mention I make of her finances makes her feel stupid. If she herself makes a mistake with drawing money from the wrong account at the bank counter, as she doesn't like to use the cash machines, then it is the girl at the counters fault. If I question her spending then it is my fault for making her feel stupid. Giving me power of attorney was not for this, she says, it is for when she can't do things for herself!!!
So. I'm sorry this is so long. The crux of it is that Reminyl has made her more aware of things and that is so good but it has not restored her reasoning. She also muddles things that happened a few days ago with years ago. And things that happened years ago with a few days ago. I have learned to keep my mouth shut when yesterday she tells me that she has never in her life been overdrawn, not ever, she just wouldn't. Cos if I mention that yes she has and this is why I am viewing her account then she yells at me that I make her feel stupid. So I will just keep my mouth closed.
We see the consultant for a review of the Reminyl on Wednesday next week and I will be in the same room and I really don't know what to say to him. She says she wants to go in alone, so I say Ok. I ask her what she will tell him and she just shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know, I can't see that there is any change". I could let her go in for the first bit and then go in myself after and try to fill him in. He is to decide whether to up the dose if there has been any positive effects.
I don't know how far down the line she is with her dementia. They say she is borderline, if so, there is an awful long road to travel. I know that my problems are nothing compared to a lot of the posts I read on this website and my heart feels so heavy when I read what may be to come for my mum. All I can do is my best but the sheer frustration is difficult. Even her bank adviser, who knows this now and does his best. He says that as she still has control of her account then she can alter the things that we put in place as she wants. But he can then let me know and we can if necessary alter things. Such as, changing the address that her statements come to from mine to hers.
Thank you letting me post this, sorry it is so long.
Helen
My mum has short-term memory loss. She lives in her own home just down the street from me. The love of her life, my dad aged 61, died around 19 years ago from a dreadful stroke and every day since she wishes she had gone with him. She is very active still and can look after herself just fine. The GP says her daily routines should stay with her for a long time as they are so deeply rooted.
Its the financial side that is the problem. Early last year she did give my husband and I Enduring Power of Attorney in case anything ever happened to her. November '06 arrived and she was in such a muddle financially. Drawing money from her bills account instead of the current account. Not understanding her bank statements or even the overdrawn letters coming to her. She was quite happy for me to keep my eye on her 2 accounts at this particular bank and was pleased to be rid of the worry. Only to view them though and she would still go and spend from them as always. But I could keep an eye on them to see that cheques and standing orders were ok.
In December '06 she was put on Reminyl. In just 2 months the Reminyl has made a difference to her. She is more aware now and doesn't know why I need to have her bank statements or be keeping an eye on things. She says she is quite capable of doing it all herself, thank you. When I point out that she needs to keep an eye on cheque spending and show her what she is doing on her statements, she can't reason at all. She just says that any mention I make of her finances makes her feel stupid. If she herself makes a mistake with drawing money from the wrong account at the bank counter, as she doesn't like to use the cash machines, then it is the girl at the counters fault. If I question her spending then it is my fault for making her feel stupid. Giving me power of attorney was not for this, she says, it is for when she can't do things for herself!!!
So. I'm sorry this is so long. The crux of it is that Reminyl has made her more aware of things and that is so good but it has not restored her reasoning. She also muddles things that happened a few days ago with years ago. And things that happened years ago with a few days ago. I have learned to keep my mouth shut when yesterday she tells me that she has never in her life been overdrawn, not ever, she just wouldn't. Cos if I mention that yes she has and this is why I am viewing her account then she yells at me that I make her feel stupid. So I will just keep my mouth closed.
We see the consultant for a review of the Reminyl on Wednesday next week and I will be in the same room and I really don't know what to say to him. She says she wants to go in alone, so I say Ok. I ask her what she will tell him and she just shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know, I can't see that there is any change". I could let her go in for the first bit and then go in myself after and try to fill him in. He is to decide whether to up the dose if there has been any positive effects.
I don't know how far down the line she is with her dementia. They say she is borderline, if so, there is an awful long road to travel. I know that my problems are nothing compared to a lot of the posts I read on this website and my heart feels so heavy when I read what may be to come for my mum. All I can do is my best but the sheer frustration is difficult. Even her bank adviser, who knows this now and does his best. He says that as she still has control of her account then she can alter the things that we put in place as she wants. But he can then let me know and we can if necessary alter things. Such as, changing the address that her statements come to from mine to hers.
Thank you letting me post this, sorry it is so long.
Helen