You know it will come, but nevertheless it is a shock

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,854
52
Wigan, Lancs
Tuesday, when out walking, I had a glimmer of Jan come into my head, as she was many years ago. I think she is starting to come back to me already, and the dementia is just, fractionally, beginning to fade. I hadn't expected that so soon, but it is very welcome.
Bruce, after we lost my dad, I couldn't believe how quickly the pre-dementia memories of my dad came to the fore, and I began to put the dementia years into context. I hope your Jan comes back to you soon.
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
I will listen to Radio 4 at 8.30 am and my thoughts will remain with you for the rest of the day. I hope you are blessed with more and more memories of Jan in pre dementia days.
 

Scottie45

Registered User
Jan 25, 2009
1,409
CoAntrim
Dear Brucie

Will be thinking of your famliy and you tomorrow,Jan,s order of service is really lovely and i love the idea of the ballons,you take good care Marian xx
 

Bookworm

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,581
Co. Derry
Very moved Bruce

Tuesday, when out walking, I had a glimmer of Jan come into my head, as she was many years ago. I think she is starting to come back to me already, and the dementia is just, fractionally, beginning to fade. I hadn't expected that so soon, but it is very welcome.
Thinking of you tomorrow and after - also thank you so much - you were the first to greet me here & settle me in. I loved this part of your last post. What a wonderful hope there is in that for all of us.
 

scarletpauline

Registered User
Jul 19, 2009
5,080
81
Leicestershire
Bruce, I was away when you started this post and missed that you had lost your precious Jan, I am sitting here with tears rolling down my face, I am so so sorry, God bless you and your family, I too will listen to Radio 4 this morning, and will be thinking of you today. I send you my love, Pauline xxx
 
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Lucille

Registered User
Sep 10, 2005
542
Dear Bruce

I have only just heard your sad news. So very sorry. I am sure you and your family will do Jan proud today. Will be thinking about you all.

xxx
 

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
Yorkshire
Bruce, hello
We are thinking about you today, you were wonderful on the radio this morning, hubby and I listened and cried and then talked, you are an inspiration for those of us following you and Jan on this journey.
Many thanks for your personal work in trying to widen knowledge of dementia in society, it is very much appreciated.
I hope all your thoughtful and special preparations for today give you pleasure and peace.
Sending love to you and your family, Jo and hubby
 

jc141265

Registered User
Sep 16, 2005
836
45
Australia
Bruce you and Jan put up the good fight in an unwinnable battle. Be proud of her, be proud of you, wear your scars with pride.
My thoughts are with you, and I hope Jan is loving her long deserved freedom from the disease.
I'll tell Dad he needs to carry the torch now for a bit, but I don't think it will be too much longer now until dementia takes the last from his body either.
Take care of yourself, and thank you for your support over the years...
 

DozyDoris

Registered User
Jan 27, 2009
395
Suffolk
I read your interview on the BBC website today, what an amazing, strong and brave gentleman you are Bruce, God Bless, Jane x
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
TP really does have a tremendous group of people.

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments here.

Today caught me unawares.

I have been planning it minutely since last week, fearful lest I let Jan down by not doing it just right.

I felt things were starting to unravel today when, en route for the crematorium, there was an immovable traffic jam in front of me. I had a car full of people, my Dad, an old colleague from the University of Leeds, and my second cousin and his wife from Vancouver.

Realising I might be held up for ages if there was an accident ahead of me, I executed a quick left turn and, at speed, flew over the speed bumps in a side road [much muttering from passengers], and used a totally different route.

On arrival the first thing I saw in the car park was a minibus full of carers from Jan's home, then, from every direction friends from past and present, and all of Nina's family.

It was touching that so many varied people had taken the trouble to come. From TP there was Craig, Katherine and Said, and also Nada, who originally put TP together with Craig.

Along with my brother, my step-son, and my step-son-in-law, I carried Jan into the service. This was hugely emotional and the organist was playing Elgar's "Nimrod", long a favourite of Jan's.

The minister was the lady who had conducted Nina's husband's service - I had specifically asked for her again - and the words she had put together were wonderful.

We had "Love Divine [Blaenwern]" then my tribute. Well, I almost made it through without choking up. I was fine until I looked and saw all the lovely people there, with step-grand-daughter weeping. Fortunately I had only a para to go so I rushed it.

Then "Praise my Soul the King of Heaven" - we had that at our wedding, and finally the poem by my step-daughter.

After the committal, we had selected "Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau" [Land of my Fathers] as the exit music and it was just right. Jan was a proud Welshwoman, and the music was emotional, and uplifting.

Outside in the sunshine, the children released the balloons with messages to Jan and everyone applauded.

We drove to a lovely golf centre with an Inn on the Lake, and had refreshments in the sunshine. It was a happy time, with only happy memories being discussed.

The carers said they loved seeing me carrying Jan into the service, and that alone justified the action for me. I wanted to do it because I didn't want to stop carrying Jan right at the very end of our long journey.

I am in the process of tallying a wad of donations to Alzheimer's Society.

I don't think there was anything more, or anything better we could have done today, so I am also at peace.

After 9 years of worrying about Jan's care in the home, and a further ten before that too, I can stand down. Jan is at peace and her life has been celebrated.
 

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
Yorkshire
Bruce, hi
What work and patient care you have put into today, and I'm so pleased to hear that it has given you some peace, well done!
My heart goes out to you as you go forward, please take good care of yourself now and always.
Kind regards, Jo
 

susiesue

Registered User
Mar 15, 2007
2,607
Herts
Bruce, although I have never met you, I feel I know you very well. You and I are the same age and my husband is 69 like your Jan.

I hope the weather today was as wonderful for you as it was here, I was thinking of you.

It sounds to me (apart from the traffic jam) that it was a wonderful service and Jan would have been so proud of the send off and the way you cared for her over the years.

I am pleased you feel at peace and so you should.

Love