You know it will come, but nevertheless it is a shock

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Brucie, Aug 22, 2010.

  1. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Just a brief update.

    Almost all of the probate things are sorted now, just one final financial thing, so we should be clear by the start of next year. So much paperwork.

    I learned this morning that the manager of Jan's care home has been promoted and moved from that position. I was praying all along that she would remain in post as long as Jan needed her careful management - perhaps prayers can be answered, after all.

    I'm going to go to the home for the first time since Jan's death, tomorrow, to thank the staff once again. This is the first time I have been able to bring myself to make the journey that I made so often. I've gone from being eternally - so it seemed - on the road, to hardly driving at all now.

    As happy a Christmas as can be managed to everyone on Talking Point.
  2. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    Thanks for the update, Brucie. Glad you're nearly through with the paperwork, and feeling able to return to the care home once again to thank them.
    I would like to send you my best wishes for Christmas and hope that 2011 is a good year for you, in every way.
  3. Rosie

    Rosie Registered User

    Jun 10, 2004
    South East Wales, UK.
    Dear Brucie,
    I hope the visit to Jan's care home goes ok, emotionally draining no doubt, but I'm sure your strength will carry you through. Best wishes to your self & family for Christmas, will be thinking of you & all the good people here on TP, take care Rosie xx
  4. creativesarah

    creativesarah Registered User

    Much support to you Brucie Sarah
  5. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    This will be a time of firsts...first time back to the Care Home, first Christmas without..... It won't be easy but we will all be behind you giving you as much support as you need.x.
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Providence Bruce. :)

    Thanks for the update.

    I hope tomorrow isn`t too painful. xx
  7. larivy

    larivy Registered User

    Apr 19, 2009
    hope it all goes well Brucie larivy
  8. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Good to hear from you Bruce....:)

    I too hope that tomorrow isn't too painful for you.

    Wishing you a peaceful time over Christmas..and a brighter New Year.

    With love xx
  9. POPPY67

    POPPY67 Registered User

    Mar 5, 2010
    Dear bruce and jan you are in my thoughts is send you love and supprt at this sad time I been though the same in the week or so but I still think of you all ! Hugs to you hope you keep strong
  10. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Genuine best wishes for tomorrow, Bruce. Something I still haven’t managed to do after all this time in spite of odd moments of good intentions and bravado and relied on sending in letters of gratitude – when I had mere months of mum in care and the wonderful staff deserved more from me. :eek: Well done, you.

    Those drives over so much time must have been so painful, I suspect tomorrow’s might be the hardest ever. Take care.

    Love Karen, x
  11. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    Dear Bruce, wishing you fortitude for tomorrow, and peace for Christmas and the new year xxx
  12. POPPY67

    POPPY67 Registered User

    Mar 5, 2010
    Bruce I'm so sorry did not read all the posts so did know that u had lost jan sorry me and my size10 sorry sorry I feel awfull
  13. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    Hi Bruce,

    Safe journey today and glad weather is OK.
    Thinking of you and I know it will be hard. I'm sure you made a lot of good fiends at the home over the years and if it as me would find it harder NOT to go back and see them all.

    Keep smiling and we must catch up for a glass of mulled wine soon :)
  14. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    Hi Bruce


    It took me about a year to go back to Mum's home after her death. I thought about going sooner but my OH was suffering severe depression at the time and I just couldn't cope. HOwever when I got there, although there were a few tears there was also a lovely feeling of "coming home".

    The manager of my Mum's home was promoted too...and my good friend the deputy became the manager, a role whe was acting in at the time of Mum's death as C, the home manager, was looking after another NH at the time which was having problems. She came in though, the night before Mum died, and spent some time with us and Mum, to say her goodbyes too.

    When, after almost two years, they managed to throw a leaving party for C, I was invited along. It was lovely to be able to express my thanks to my "family" for all that they ahd done.

    Thoughts are with safely,


  15. scared daughter

    scared daughter Account Closed

    May 3, 2010
    Thinking of you and sending love xxx
  16. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Dearest Bruce, thank you for the update.

    I do hope that today went as planned and was not too painful.
    Take care of yourself. Love n'hugs.
  17. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    Dear Bruce
    I hope today wasn't to painful for you

    Ive got everything done re mums probate and will :) it does take time doesn't it

    Thinking of you
  18. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Thanks so much everyone - and especially Connie of course!

    Today went quite well though it was very strange for me.

    Setting out on the drive I had done so many times, I had to keep reminding myself I would not see Jan when I arrived.

    Such a long drive! How on earth did I do it at least three times a week, for nine years?

    When I arrived, it brought a huge lump to my throat.

    All the carers I encountered immediately hugged me, even the blokes, and that was nice.

    I met the new manager and she is very nice - but not the manager who managed my Jan's care.

    I talked to representatives of the staff [chef, nurse, carers] because I want to give them all something - maybe a party. The manager wanted me to talk to them directly as they are not really supposed to receive gifts, so what she couldn't see, she wouldn't know about. Good pragmatic thinking.

    They will phone me later in the week to let me know how I should handle it.

    Then it was on the road again, but with a difference.

    Last week one of our younger neighbours at our old house died suddenly - it really shocked me greatly. She and her husband had been very supportive when I was struggling to keep Jan at home, so I wanted to pay my respects at her funeral.

    Because I overstayed at the home, I needed a direct route to the church, so used satnav. That took me along many of the roads I would traverse to and from Jan, and it was a bit wrenching.

    The service was lovely, held in a small country church, followed by a burial - I haven't been to one of those in many years [Jan's Dad's I think]. Then to the pub where I met some of my old neighbours.

    Afterwards, back to my present home, again over many so very familiar roads I had driven over with Jan through many decades.

    Jan's all around me.

    Always was.

    Love to you all.
  19. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Dear Bruce,

    And still is and will always be. You shared such a life together. Be happy for that and for the love you shared for the time that you had with Jan.

    You've had a long and gruelling day with a lot of emotional stuff to deal with...too much for one day :eek:

    Allow yourself some space and time to let this settle.

    Love xx
  20. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    Quite a day Bruce, lots of emotions thrown in with events. I do think it is good to revisit (when ready). You must have grown so close to some of the carers. They become family.

    Glad you found a way round that. Gifts, even as token are such a good way to say thank you.

    Hope you get your feet up tonight......

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