You know it will come, but nevertheless it is a shock

Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
801
0
Buckinghamshire
Raw emotion mixed with humble acceptance and gratitude for all the 'silver linings' - my heart goes out to you, Bruce, and I wish you many blessings as this chapter in your life closes.
Jan, with all the many, many memories, will live on in your heart and you must be proud that you did everything in your power to make her life as calm and comfortable as possible.
God bless! C.
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,117
0
Scotland
Deeply moving, Bruce, to read all you have written, to listen to your interview, and also deeply humbling. Such love, caring and gratitude. Thank you for sharing the long journey you have travelled with Jan.

Loopiloo
 

Libby

Registered User
May 20, 2006
625
0
66
North East
Bruce

I’ve just seen the news about Jan on the BBS website and just wanted to say how very sorry I was. I’ve sat and read through all the posts and the strength of your love for Jan just shines out. I’m so pleased that you were able to be with her at the end.

Liz
 

Beezed

Registered User
Apr 28, 2009
446
0
Southampton
Dear Bruce,

I have been away and have only just caught up with this thread. I want to extend my sincere condolences to you and your family.

You have travelled a long and painful road. My own will end soon but within the space of 6 or so years, not 25. I cannot even imagine what life was like for you.

Thank you for your support to me and I hope that all will be well in your future.

Love,
Jeanne
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
0
Dear Bruce, the Radio 4 interview was being broadcast as I drove to work on Wednesday. Tears were flowing as I listened but although sad, I felt kind of privileged to know about Jan's story and all your care for her.

I too felt a wave a gratitude when my mum left us, but you may need to watch out for a mixture of strong emotions in the coming months and years. I know you will cope but don't be a stranger on TP. You are so very much part of the TP family.

Wishing you strength and continued peace and sending you thanks for sharing your life and Jan's on TP.
Love Deborah x
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
Just a quick update.

I am ploughing through Probate application forms and Inland Revenue stuff.

It all looks horribly complex and my first thought was...get a professional...

But I looked into it further and, for our simple lives at least, it is actually very easy, so why waste money, and gain delay?

I will post here on how well this all works out..... [famous last words]

I gave a long interview to a Daily Mail journalist this week and think it will probably be published next week, so you may come across us. It will also be on their web site, like the last one, which was really well written by the same journalist.

Winding everything down now. Strange not to be making the trips to Jan's home - car has sat idle all week. The ravages of dementia on Jan are leaving me now I am not seeing them all the time; I feel Jan is really at peace and, because of that, so am I.
 

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
0
Yorkshire
Bruce, hi
So pleased to read your update and hear that you and Jan are leaving the disease behind, it is so good to hear.
My mum did the probate work when her husband sadly died, it helped her to get things in proportion and to know exactly where she stood with everything, the local probate court in Norwich were very helpful and supportive, I do hope that you find a similar situation yourself. There is no rush and you will still do it quicker and cheaper than handing it over to a professional. Good luck.
I wish you well with kind regards, Jo
 

maryw

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
3,809
0
Surrey
Bruce, Well done for doing probate! I did both my Mum's and my Dad's. Just keep copies of everything as it all has to match up before probate can be granted, i.e. benefits etc..It certainly is quicker and cheaper if you do it yourself. I also found the probate help desk very helpful as long as you have time to queue up for someone to answer!

Take care.
 

CYN

Registered User
Jan 4, 2008
702
0
east sussex
Hi Bruce .
i also have done probate for my fil and husband ,i found i had no problems. I am so pleased you feel at peace now i felt the same when my husband passed away , as you said we can feel at peace because we know that our loved ones are now free and at peace.

take care
Cynthia .
 

Scottie45

Registered User
Jan 25, 2009
1,409
0
CoAntrim
Dear Bruce

So pleased to hear everything went well for Jan,s funeral,it sounded really really lovely,hope all goes well for you with your paperwork.You take good care Marian xx
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
Update

Just a brief post to say I have received a letter setting the date of the probate meeting.

Coincidentally, it is set for Jan's birthday.

Until now, I have only been able to sort out the endowment mortgage protection insurance, which required only a copy of her death certificate. Most of her bank accounts remain open, though inactive, until I can show the probate documents.

The process of closing the doors on the life of a loved one is really painful. :(
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,001
0
72
Dundee
It must be hard going through this process after losing someone so dear to you. x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
I wouldn`t have thought you would have to go through probate if there is a Will and only one Beneficiary.

Have I got it wrong or am I presuming too much.

Sorry Bruce. Your post took me by surprise. How awful for you. xx
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Hello Bruice
Like you im doing probate , its not so much the form filling , its the emotions isnt it ((((((hugs))))))

Sylvia sorry to say, that if there is a will you mostly do need to get probate, there are exceptions tho
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
0
60
NZ
Hi Bruce

Well done for doing the probate. I let the solicitor deal with Mum's confirmation (the same process in Scotland) and really wished that I had done it all myself. It was so expensive, plus after a couple of weeks I really felt the void of not having anything to do for Mum. We also had to wait until this was done until the winding up of accounts and policies could proceed. It took about 4-5 months in all for a relatively simple estate.

It is peaceful when you know that the end was a release and a peaceful transition.

(((hugs)))

Mameeskye
 

wdfortyplus

Registered User
Feb 23, 2010
54
0
The Seven Spiritual Laws

"The most powerful forms of giving are affection, appreciation and love are some of the most precious gifts you can give. And they don't cost you anything"

(Deepak Chopra)

Thinking of you Brucie x
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
It's even worse in Scotland.:(

Apparently John's sons can challenge his will and claim one third of his estate, excluding the house.

As it happens, John left one half of his estate to his sons and grandchildren, (I had the same arrangement if I should die first),so they'd be worse off if they challenged. Otherwise, at least one of them would have challenged, I'm sure.

Even then, they can apparently vary the share each receives, by agreement among themselves.

This came as an awful shock to me, that John's wishes could be overridden in this way.:(
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
It took about 4-5 months in all for a relatively simple estate.

I was given a booklet called 'What to do after a death in Scotland'. In it, it states that the executors should not distribute any bequests for at least six months, to allow time for any creditors to come forward!

It's all pretty horrible!:(
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
I think I would say to anyone that it is worth doing the probate yourself; there was not much in doing it, in our case, as I was the sole beneficiary. It isn't rocket science!

Another member of the family is still awaiting the completion of probate for her father, done by a solicitor, after 12 months and so far, about £12,000 in solicitor's fees. The estate was not a complex or a big one, but he had not done probate for his wife, who pre-deceased him and left nothing, and it is that which has caused so much cost. Her estate was also simple, barring one trust that caused the problems. Basically, avoid solicitors unless absolutely necessary or very complex, is my view now. I could be quite wrong in that!

Paperwork sent to me about the meeting implies it will take 15 minutes and simply requires me to swear on oath that the information I gave was correct to the best of my knowledge.

Total cost £90 plus £4 for 4 copies of the probate papers.
 

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
0
Yorkshire
Brucie, hi
Please be aware that that 15 minutes will be harrowing, a copy of the will is in or on the bible with Jan's signature and wishes being carried out. Sorry but if you aren't prepared it can be worse.

I hope it all goes well and you get through it OK, just don't stint on parking time as you may need a cuppa to recover and be ready to drive, or if possible take a friend.
Kind regards, Jo