You couldn't make it up!

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Jinx, Jul 25, 2015.

  1. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Emerging from the bathroom tonight with wet patches on his trousers OH says "there's something between my legs that makes me very wet". I pointed out the obvious to which he responded rather crossly,"well I know that but why have I got wet trousers?" Somewhat at a loss after that to explain!


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  2. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Tough one, that. If it was me, I'd say something like, "oh, that's rough. Here you are, wear these and I'll pop the wet ones in the wash." (I'd grab a change of clothing beforehand, naturally.)

    Course, you know all this, but I wanted so much to just care for you.
     
  3. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,366
    Lancashire
    Ah, poor thing. That's a tough one for you.
     
  4. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    So sad for you both.
     
  5. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Oh dear Jinx. I remember the first time that happened to Pete -he had actually pulled his zip down but he had then forgotten what he needed to do (perhaps because he was wearing two pairs of trousers?:eek:)

    I agree with Chuggs the best reaction is to underplay what had happened-a bit of acknowledgement, a bit of sympathy and a quick change of clothes. I don't mean to worry you but are you set up to cope with any potential incontinence? I'm not saying that will happen but it's good to be prepared.

    Love

    Lyn T
     
  6. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,742
    Female
    London
    Hey, chin up. My OH had a poo mid-shower this morning! :eek:
     
  7. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Pete went through a phases of having a wee standing up and pooing at the same time.:eek: I didn't know whether to stand front or back!
     
  8. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    For a while I have had to remind OH what he is supposed to do when he gets to the toilet, he also often starts to 'leak' before he gets there especially at night. I have started using pull-ups at night and have just ordered Age Concern washable incontinence pants to see how he gets on with those. I know we're on the slippery downhill slope but not sure how bad it should get before I involve an incontinence nurse? He is generally still continent bowel-wise although he needs help cleaning up. Sorry probably too much information!


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  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,906
    Female
    Dundee
    It might be as well to have a chat with the GP and see if you can get a referral now. At least you would be in the incontinence clinic system if things get worse. I've found that they started us off with a product and we used that for a while then I would phone when I felt we needed to step up and he was assessed again.
     
  10. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Thanks Izzy, I'll get in touch with them.


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  11. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    At least your OH is willing to shower, we've managed two showers since the beginning of June!


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  12. Redpoppy

    Redpoppy Registered User

    Jul 31, 2012
    268
    Glamorgan s.wales
    Showers

    As usual I lay out all clean clothes for my husband to put on after his weekly shower ( I can't persuade him to take one more often) I prepared breakfast,and he came into the living room dressed,but not wearing the clean clothes.I asked why he'd not changed---and accused him of not showering.He was cross and said of course he had. Then dissappeared into the bathroom.I followed and found him spraying the shower door and base with water so that it looked as if it had been used. He had to admit then that he hadn't been in the cubicle. I was so angry,and asked if perhaps his mother dropped him in the bath when he was a baby--maybe causing him a phobia about water. We have arguments most days about washing,cleaning teeth and arranging haircuts.
     
  13. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    My dad won't have showers either, mum now runs bath instead and tells him to get in.
    Not sure he would think to spray water around, just forgets why he has gone in bathroom, then starts attempting to shave and getting that all mixed up with using wrong stuff.
     
  14. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    I've now had to resort to washing him at the basin in order to ensure he is clean! Something else I didn't sign up for.

    The last couple of days his legs seem to suddenly 'go' and he finds it hard to put one foot in front of the other. Last night I really struggled to get him to the bathroom when he wanted to wee. He was making moaning/grunting noises and wouldn't speak to me. He is still continent and won't wee in a pad, I have tried. I think I shall have to get a urine bottle for night times if this goes on. In the morning he is fine. He came back with his carer this afternoon and could apparently hardly walk, but when he settled in his chair he gave the carer a big wink and a grin as if he was just playing me up. He may well be brewing yet another chest infection so I guess I'd better take him to the Dr again.


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  15. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    That sounds really difficult Jinx. Definitely get him a bottle, the sooner he can get used to using it at night the better if you are having to help him get to the bathroom. I get wet beds most mornings but I'm not keen on getting my OH to use a pad because I think he would find it more difficult to use the bottle and it may therefore lead to less control. Just my opinion which may be completely wrong.
    SW etc keep encouraging me to get him to use a conveen (I'll leave you to google that) but I don't know how he'd feel about it.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  16. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Esmerelda, I have just got halfway through the video on how to fit the sheath part of the conveen, your SW must be having a laugh, how on earth could you persuade someone with dementia to do all of that and even if you got it on I bet it would be pulled off again because they've forgotten what it's for!. I don't know what planet these SW are on. I shall go for the urine bottle option. xxxx


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  17. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Glad it's not just me having doubts about the conveen Jinx. As you say people who haven't lived with dementia have no idea how difficult even the most ordinary things can be.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  18. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Facing a week on my own with OH as my daughter and family have gone on holiday to Majorca this morning. Having moved into the annexe next door to them back in January, I have got used to them popping in and out so it's going to be very quiet. The Shared Lives outings he was having on a Wednesday afternoon have stopped as the carer has resigned (don't think it was anything to do with my husband!). Tomorrow he goes to day care. I'm sure we shall survive!!


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  19. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    A week is a long time when you're on your own, but you'll hopefully be surprised at how quickly you're through it. Hope the family have a good holiday and wishing you strength for your own 'journey'.

    Can you go on short, local trips to break the time up, Jinx, or it is too much trouble?
     
  20. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Hi Chuggs, problem is working full time from home, we will pop out at lunch times and in the evenings probably if the weather would cheer up a bit. Actually got my 'black sheep' step son coming this evening as he needs to borrow some money! I don't think his Dad knows who he is any more as we had a gap of 15 years or so when he disappeared from our lives during which time dementia crept in. He's trying to make amends now but sadly it's too late for Bernard. Last time he came Bernard asked why that man kept calling him Dad......


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