Yet another late night jaunt to save my mother from God knows what!

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by VonVee, Oct 29, 2015.

  1. VonVee

    VonVee Registered User

    Dec 15, 2014
    Poole Dorset
    At 10.30pm tonight I got yet another phone call from one of the elderly residents at the sheltered accommodation my mother is in, asking me to come over as my mother had packed everything up and was being extra demanding with her asking her to book a cab as she wanted to go home, when the lady said this is your flat, you are home, my mum got quite agitated with her in a very confused way.

    I got dressed and made my way over there to find her sitting in her flat with two elderly residents watching over her.

    This has happened four times now in about 4 or 5 months, and saying it's stressful is an understatement.

    I phoned after hours social services for support, huh what a load of **** they are, they couldn't and wouldn't do anything, and suggested I phoned the police and or the doctor 111.

    I'm just very frustrated, and I really don't know what to do any more

    My head is literally spinning.

    It's not fair is it

    Anyway when I got home, I phoned and left a message for the mental health team to arrange an urgent emergency meeting with me to sit down and talk about my mother.

    I just don't think I can do this anymore, I have my family to think of here, and it's affecting my health.

    I feel so ****e.. Sorry
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    I don't blame you for being upset. It sounds to me as if sheltered housing is no longer appropriate for your mother.

    Try to get a small amount of sleep and call social services, the GP and anyone else you can think of tomorrow.

    But this doesn't sound the right place for her: it's not fair for her, you or the other residents. In fact the other residents might be helpful: if they complain it's quite possible you might get more traction with social services.
  3. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    I absolutely agree with this.....VonVee, this situation is not fair on you, or on anyone else. I hope you are able to talk it through with the GP, social services etc and that something is done. Look at it this way:, if you were away, or ill, or otherwise engaged, who would be dealing with this? What would the risks be?

    Good luck :)

    Lindy xx
  4. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    Hello there - yes I agree with the posts above that maybe now shelter accommodation may not be the best for both your mother and you. Please contact everyone and see what options will be available. But I understand how you feel, how upsetting its is - I really do. Please get some rest - if not sleep - because you are important to not only your mum but yourself xxxx
  5. VonVee

    VonVee Registered User

    Dec 15, 2014
    Poole Dorset
    Yet another late night jaunt - Follow Up..


    This morning when I woke up I felt completely drained and emotional to say the least, I was literally all over the place.

    I had'nt slept much or well, but I got dressed and went over to mums, when I got there and she opened the door, she looked through me like glass, and she couldn't recall a thing from the night before, and she asked me why I looked so tired!!! Funny...

    Anyway her fridge was bare, so off I went to tesco to get her shopping so she wasn't without, on the way I passed Poole quay, and I don't know what made me, but I went over to the waters edge, and I stood there, and looked up to the sky and burst into tears, and then I noticed the water, it was very choppy out there, but the water was a beautiful emerald green, but looked very cold, and the thought came over me that if jumped in, it wouldn't take too long! Yep... Then the thought came over me, that if I did this, then mum and my son would have no one in there corner, so off to tesco I went...

    Don't worry I'm alright and not about to kill myself, and I'm not mentally insane either, I've never ever had that feeling before and my life's been a roller coaster so I've have many opportunities that warrant doing that if I wanted to.

    I went and phoned mums doctor who agreed with me 100% that mum needs a care home, and that I should phone the SW & MHT, which I did, the SW ruled out a care home (typical) and all she was concerned about was that I'm in arrears with mums rent and social care, and that it was her duty to tell me that I'm being looked into and could be audited if I don't make a payment, also she mentioned that it's most likely that my power of attorney would be stripped away from me and the care of my mother would be left in there hands.

    I really hate SW,s , absolutely useless I've been through 3 this year, and each one as hopeless as the last, it's got to be said, , I was already a bit wobbly but this tipped me over the edge, so I phoned the MHT, who were a bit better, and arranged a meeting at my mums tomorrow at 2pm, with me.

    When I got home I was reeling, I felt so ill, so I started googling, thanks for the Internet huh! And it came up with altzeimers org, so I phoned them, and what a change in attitude, she passed me on to Poole altzeimers, and I phoned them, and what a nice lady, and she said to me have you heard of Poole Advocacey, they help careers, I said no, and she said here's the number and ring them, I think they be able to help you.

    So I did, and I spoke to a girl called Gemma who helped me immensely, she even asked one of her colleagues who dealt with POA and rang me back to tell me what the SW told me was complete BS and scare tactics, yes POA can be revoked in the instance of bankruptcies but it's very long process and you have to go to court first and it costs a lot of money to do so, so as mums dementia was caused by altzeimers, I don't have to go to get referral via the SW, this charity did the referral there and then and I be hearing from someone in 5 days, basically they said, if I need help and someone on my side to push to get my mum into a home, then they will be there for me, and work hard to get good results, and if I need a break they can get me and my husband a cottage for a few days at no extra cost, and if I need support and help or someone to talk too, then they can help me and will be there for me and me soley and work on my behalf with SW's to get what I want, and not take no for an answer.

    Loopholes I loves them, and sticking it to the man, I love that also, I was so relieved and I was elated that his place actually want to help me, because so far no one else has and it's taken its toll.

    So fingers crossed, I'm feeling a bit more positive now that things are starting to move for me and my mother in mind.

    At the end of the day I just want to feel happy and not sad all the time, and I don't want all these bloody problems all at once on my shoulders.

    So we shall see....

    Thanks everyone for all your past comments and support, I really am grateful for your kindness and support. Xx
  6. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    Glad there's progress and you now feel more positive. Sorry you've been put through the wringer to get it, though.

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