Hello again - I feel a little nervous as this is my first post for a couple of years - but i know I'm among friends. My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers and VD about 5 years ago. She went into a care home around 3 years ago and, all things considered, things haven't been too bad. Well, she's been generally physically well, I've continued to take her out for tea and cake or lunch once a week for most weeks and we've had lots of laughs (laughter is my Mum's signature emotion!) The care home is not the most glamorous but the staff are lovely and - although overworked and underpaid - I think they do a really good job and Mum has grown very fond of many of them. But recently I've just felt things are going a bit downhill. There never seems to be enough staff on - it takes ages for anyone to answer the door to let me in (I usually visit once a week in the evening after work and once a week at the weekend during the day) - and even longer for anyone to be around to let me out again. Mum's incontinence is developing at a pace and the smell of urine (or poo) is getting worse. She is increasingly having UTIs - but I don't always know if/when she's on antibiotics and she hasn't always got an incontinence pad in. There doesn't seem to be a lot of activity - they're usually all in lounge watching TV no matter what time i arrive. Then she's been attacked by other residents 3 times (the manager told me after the first time that it was only the second time she'd experienced it in all the time she's been at the home - and she was there before Mum arrived). The staff (as opposed to the manager) assure me that Mum is not aggressive or argumentative when I'm not there (she's never been like that when I am, so I would have been surprised to hear otherwise) - so it was the other residents that caused the problem. And, for the first time in 5 years (other than the first few weeks when she went into the home), Mum is asking to go out from the home and/or come home with me). Is all this just the disease progressing and to be expected? She's 91. Or has the home now got fewer (or less experienced) staff? And, should I be notified when Mum is on medication? And should it always be me pressing them to take a urine sample and get it checked when she doesn't seem herself? A couple of weeks ago when I visited, I heard her crying in the loo and when I went in, her wee was dark brown (sorry, but I know you won't mind these details). And why does she only get a bath once a week when she has "accidents" daily and quite clearly needs it more often? I don't blame the staff at all - I really believe they do their best - but they're clearly stretched and ....... oh I guess I just feel there's something more I should be doing, but is that just guilt? I feel so guilty sitting here in my clean home (well, cleanish!), wearing my clean clothes (all of which are mine), sipping my wine while waiting for my husband to pick up the take-away. I don't exactly think Mum is "suffering" - I just worry i should do more to ensure she is being properly looked after - and kept healthy, engaged and happy. The problem is I simply don't know what my rights are! Help? Advice?? Please????