1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

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X3 = tasks; "not here" on to dieing; new tactic

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by cris, Mar 23, 2007.

  1. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    #1 cris, Mar 23, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2007
    Hi everyone.
    tried a new tactic this morning. When Susan wakes up I put her dressing gown on and took her down stairs (for 45 mins) to compose her mind. Used to get her to use toilet, wash, and dress. Taking her down (still will not take a breakfast or juice) gives her time to "lose" some confussion I think. We then went up and the rest was fairly easy.
    Susan has moved on from not wanting to be "here" to dieing. She now uses the word dying. She told me she really wants to die. She spoke to my mum (83 thought you'd like to know that) and said she wants to die. (I over-heard).
    Is that moving on ? ?
    Can anyone suggest tasks that some may be able to perform, give some worth to her life. I do try, but the most easiest of jobs she cannot do. I think the best I can come up with is for Susan to do a task (withme) if you follow me.
    Appointment eye hospital this afternoon. I am worried.
    cris

    just to add a little more. Susan wants me to put her in a home. Very insistant. Cannot / willnot do that. We have the summer to look forward to.
     
  2. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Cris
    Good luck for this afternoon

    I used to ask mum to fold the washing, dry the pots, wipe down the work surfaces.....ok ....I'd probably have to re do things but it made her feel useful.
    However my circumstances were different.....mum was still under the impression that she did everything anyway!
    I asked her to feed the cats once and on one occasion she opened a packet of crisps and buttered every one:eek: The cats weren't impressed!

    On a more serious note.....could it be that Susan doesn't actually mean she wants to die.....could it be something else?....A bit of a stab in the dark I know but mum often said the complete opposite to what she meant........Could it be that Susan is desperate to feel well?

    I found if I took mum a slice of toast and juice and a cuppa in the morning in bed this gave her chance to compose herself............

    Love Wendy xx
     
  3. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    Hi Cris, I`m Jo
    as australia has no useful forums I have been lurking here and on healthboards.com
    the following link may be useful
    <a href="http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=340691">
    Navigate to page 4
    upon reading this post I was distraught because my mum could do maybe 10% of the things suggested
    the poster is a nurse studying pallitive care, with 5 years experience caring for an AD sufferer in her family
    I am not sure about the link working but I will try otherways
    I am not the expert on forums:eek:
     
  4. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    if my link doesnt work go to the stickies on www.healthboards.com and look for the activities post
    best wishes,
    Jo
     
  5. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    Hi Jo. just have to say we love Australia and it was our dream to retire there. Not to be now though. I could have worked there in Melbourne. We went 4 years running, sydney, melbourne, perth, broome cable beach, green island, heron island, sigh never mind. I could talk forever on this so I'll just shut-up.
    thanks for the link and i will try and view it.
    Hi Wendy. Susan knows what she means. She opens the upstairs top centre window wanting to get out. She used to "does not want to be here."
    I try to give her little things to do but when she fails or struggles she is upset, annoyed, frustrated and sometimes I think it was not wise to ask her.
    cris
     
  6. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    I dont know much about your situation but is Susan on anti anxiety or anti depressive meds?
    My mum got to the stage where she cried ALL THE TIME, insisting she was not depressed
    very commmon for ad sufferers
    I couldnt stand her misery so the doc prescribed anti anxiety drugs
    she slept more but cried less, I had no hesitation continuing that medication
    what meds is susan on?
     
  7. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    Hi jo. Susan is on fluoxetine (prozak) anti-depressant. 2 weeks ago doubled dose to 2 tablets. Saw the doc yesterday thought he might change to a stronger one but said it takes a while to kick in.
    cris
     
  8. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    may I suggest you lock that window..or make it inoperative..or break it...one less thing to worry about
    you probably should child proof your home if you havent already
    lock away all toxic products, she may injest them unintentionally or intentionally

    "you cannot /will not put her into a home"...bear in mind that at some point in the future you may not be able to give her the care she requires, you are ,after all just one person.
    Please do not dismiss the idea of full time care.
    Ultimately, her being cared for is the issue
    A nursing home is a fine answer, providing you find the right one
    She will be showered, dressed, fed and toileted. and have activities.
    her health will be monitored
    have you started to visit homes yet?
    I dont know about waiting lists in the UK but I got on the waiting lists for the good homes too late
    best regards,
    Jo
     
  9. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    #9 cris, Mar 23, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2007
    Hi Jo. yes all side windows locked. the top ones are too difficult and small for her to get through. I dead lock the front door, lock the back door and pad-lock the back gate and hide keys or keep them on me. She has not got the knowledge or thought to find another means. I have thought about child-proof catches, and hiding the knife blocks, but I also think I can only do so much. If we are out I always hold her arm. 1/ to support her 2/ to stop her throwing herself under something. Again i do not think that is in her nature, but i do take precautions.
    thanks Jo i have the link and I am reading it.
    cris
    ps is it not past your bedtime ?
     
  10. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    ah yes, it was past my bedtime, which is why I toddled off last night and did not reply.
    Obviously I am giving you suggestions that you dont need. Better that than to give none at all.
    I am so sorry to read about susans eyesight.
    i wonder if it is macular degeneration.
    My FIL was diagnosed with MD about 2 1/2 years ago
    at least 1 year after mums diagnosis of AD
    my FIL has since lost the ability to play golf, and read a newspaper, due to his MD but quite worryingly, still drives (but only on well known roads during the day)
    but is otherwise doing really well
    In comparison my Mum (aged 70) cannot do hardly anything due to the AD
    my father died 4 1/2 years ago and mum was diagnosed with AD a year later. In retrospect she probably had early symptoms prior to dads death.
    she lost the ability to read, drive,shop,shower, dress, do laundry, put clothes away, deal with mail, cook, clean, operate the TV etc etc
    prior to placement in a NH, I asked my brother who lived out the back of her house in a unit, "is she even capable of getting herself a drink of water in her own kitchen?"
    he paused, sighed and answered "No"- it was during a heatwave
    she can feed herself, but not use a knife and fork, she is mobile and continent but thats about it
    getting to my point, in a roundabout fashion, is that the AD may rob susan of coping with activities of daily living before the degenerative eye disease does
    that is no comfort I know,
    you have my sincere sympathies.
     

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