wye do I feel sad


Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
Jack is in respite care for two weeks, I took in clothes for one week, saying that I would do the washing and would bring more in when I collected the dirty ones, Jack is not incontinet and he had seven pair of underpants two pair of pyjamas, two shirts in fact enough for a week, he has been there three days ,when I went in, today all his clothes were gone , no way would he wear seven pair of underpants and two pair of pyjamas in three days.Iasked where they were but no one knew, they found some of them in the laundry, washed, not all the clothes.where did they disapear to?. I have left some more hoping for the best, I wish now he had not gone, my doctor said I needed a rest.so I agreed. He just sits there ,I was promised he would be taken into the garden, as he likes to be outside, as yet my request, still is a request.he asked me to take him home and it made me said that I could let him go in the first place. he is nearly blind very deaf and does not remember things but he rembered enough to say take me home, I think he feel unsafe and lost in the nursing homeand just want to go home.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
That always happening with my mother , her clothes going missing . i put her name on them , sometime she come home with different clothes .

Must be strange for you being home alone and your missing him


I Was advice not to visit mum in respite , because that mean its not really a rest for me if I keep visiting
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Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
June, I'm not surprised that you're feeling sad. It must be awful to see Jack looking so unhappy. It must be hard when he cannot see or hear very well, he'll be missing you so much. But what's the alternative? If you need respite, you need respite. Hopefully he'll settle down.

The missing clothes issue is one we hear about so often. Certainly Jack could not have got through so many in three days. I can only assume that the staff have used them for someone else. I would have a word with your social worker about it. You've done your bit by making sure he was well supplied.

Try not to be so sad, or your respite will not do you any good. Try to relax. I know it's hard to trust our loved ones to strangers, I have such sympathy for you.


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I`m so sorry June that your respite has been spoilt by a home which seems to be letting you and your husband down.

To be able to wear your own clothes in a residential home would, I imagine, be the main indication of your identity.
To remember a special request for someone who is visually and hearing impaired, in addition to having Alzheimers, for a first time resident, would be an indication of how the home values it`s residents and guests.

I know it won`t help June, but this home has been found wanting.


Registered User
Sep 22, 2006
Hi june

I am sorry you are haveing problemes with the home your partner is in, the same thing use to happen to my mum. My dad was sick of my mothers clothes going missing even though he put lables on them so in the end he only took so many in. As they said they would find them in the wash. When we use to go and pick her up she was wearing clothes of somebody elses we were even told that there is some clothes of people who have died she could wear. I think its terrible simple things seem difficult for those who are surposed to be caring for our loved ones stand your ground and make it clear to the carers what you want.

take care


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
south lanarkshire
Hi All
Mum and Dad's clothes have also gone missing and sometimes they wear clothes which don't belong to them, although they don't know any different, it is still upsetting for relatives.

I have now asked that their clothes don't go to the laundry. I will take the dirty clothes home for wash.

I know that laundry is part of the package, but after many times during a visit, giving dirty clothes to carers, saying "this is dirty" I find it so much easier just to take the laundry home and do it myself. At least I can be sure things are clean.

Control freak or what??

I do understand that carers have a hard job, especially with Mum, who still tries to keep house and clean, dirty clothes are all mixed up.

I go to their room, when visiting, before seeing my parents and go through all drawers and cupboards, removing everything I thinks needs washed.

It is costing £1005 per week for my parents to have care, but if I do the laundry, so what, anything for an easy life



Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
I find it so much easier just to take the laundry home and do it myself.
I did this for the first 18 months that Jan was in her home.

After that I stopped, partly because it was constant work for me as well as the time in addition to the journeys to and fro - and keeping up a full time job.

I also found that, even when I was washing stuff, some of her things ended up in the general wash at the home - if they have an 'accident', the staff can't simply leave wet things around awaiting a relative.

Now, sometimes Jan wears things that are not her own, but generally it has worked out well.

The challenge for me is to find clothes that are practical, and comfortable, given her situation. BHS does it for me, but don't tell Jan - she always bought in Bond Street. :eek:


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
So sorry June that this hasn't worked out for you, you are meant to be having a rest, losing clothing must be so frustrating. Thankfully it has never happened to mum, they have a 'box' and 'net' system. Dirty laundry is put in the persons named box, then transferred to a net to keep it all together in the wash. 11 months later, and not one item gone missing. I could also win prizes for the speed I can now sow on name tags.

The challenge for me is to find clothes that are practical, and comfortable, given her situation. BHS does it for me, but don't tell Jan - she always bought in Bond Street

Know what you mean about this one Bruce, mum was always a James Howels lady, now my challenge is to buy identical clothing, or she wont wear them 'because they are not her's'.

I would give the home manager a list of the missing items, and ask that they search each room, they must be there somewhere.



Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Dear June,
Sorry that this is causing you and Jack so much unhappiness. The separation alone,would cause you both anxiety.You also have the further worry of knowing that the home have not carried out what they agreed on, this is not good at all, and, I can see why this distresses you so. The situation with the laundry is not a uncommon one, anyone that talks about laundry issues in care homes, usually have the same problem. It seems even the simplest request as in your case, is just in the all to hard basket. The system that Cate spoke of is a very practical one and hopefully catches on elsewhere. Sorry that this has been such an unpleasant experience for you. Take Care. Taffy.

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