Would this idea help?

[jmanthony]

Hello -

My husband's father is suffering from early onset dementia, likely because of alcohol abuse over many years. he is about 1.5 years into his fight, and has quickly been going downhill recently (I am guessing because of stress). He's currently living with my husband's mother (his first ex-wife; there are two), and she leaves him on his own for the most part. He is completely alone when she goes to work for a few hours a day.

During this time, he gets very frustrated and upset when he doesn't remember things. Has anyone tried leaving talking points for your patient? I was wondering if leaving a sheet with answers to his most frequent questions (where is my car? when am i getting out of here? did you all go to ___ without me?), would be helpful and maybe avoid some of the frustration?

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks,
Jen

 

[fizzie]

Anything like that would be helpful but can he not go to a day centre/lunch club? A social services assessment would give some idea of what is available for him to access. It might be of great benefit to him to be somewhere with others - just a thought xx

 

[jmanthony]

Anything like that would be helpful but can he not go to a day centre/lunch club? A social services assessment would give some idea of what is available for him to access. It might be of great benefit to him to be somewhere with others - just a thought xx

Thanks so much for your feedback! Glad to hear that it would be helpful. Unfortunately he can't. We are in America so our resources are as limited as his bank account :-( We're working to get him into an assisted living facility with a memory care unit, but have to wait for the disability payments to come through. This is hopefully a short term solution.

 

[fizzie]

ahhhhhhhhhh we have lots of voluntary organisations like Alzheimer's Society and Carers organisations where facilities are available at subsidised rates - we are lucky Would he benefit from having the radio on - not onto music but perhaps a station like World Service perhaps? or can you get one or two people just to pop in occasionally? I'm sure you've thought of everything. One other thing that some people find useful and a bit of fun is a pack of playing cards - some people just like organising them or playing a game (any version) of patience or just for fun
just a thought xx

 

[Katrine]

Aides memoire

Those regular questions suggest that he is frustrated and feels he doesn't have control of his life. He is seeking security I think. You could try a whiteboard with daily messages, a desk diary, or a list of FAQs. It depends if he can read the messages and make sense of them.

We created a laminated phone number list for my MIL but she worked very hard to hide it! We thought a stiff laminated list by the phone would be hard to lose. She used a ruler and a knife to score it so that it would fold up small and fit inside the cover of a book. Instantly hidden, not to be seen again. After 4 attempts at that particular 'aide memoire' we realised that she was afraid that someone would look through the window and see what was to her personal and private information. The more insecure a person becomes the more they hide things for safety.

You are trying to fix things for them, but what they want is not to have other people interfering. They want to be in control themselves and efforts to help with communicating information can make the person feel less in control. However, you have to try. Good luck.