Would this be inhumane?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by MaNaAk, Jun 8, 2017.

  1. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,523
    Essex
    Hello everyone?

    I realise that my dad is not as far gone as some of your loved ones but yesterday I got back from Orchestra and so after seeing to dad's medication I went to bed fairly late. However at 3.10 pm he knocked on my bedroom door and I found he had been wandering about the house confused! Anyway I managed to get him back to bed after telling him that it was only us two living here and that anyone else would be in bed. Dad's bedroom has a lock and key and I half-wondered whether it would be sensible to lock him in but then I suppose this would make him trapped.

    He came into my room by mistake on new year's day and there was also one time when he woke me up at the crack of dawn because he didn't know if we had to move out that day. There may have been other times when he tried to knock on my bedroom door but I thought that I could have been semi-conscious or dreaming!

    Also today I found that I had to throw away a couple of cakes that he shouldn't have because he is diabetic and what with my hospital appointment tomorrow I feel a bit tearful. The last time I had a hospital appointment I came home to dad asking about the house and not one of the family bothered to phone and ask me how my appoinment went. This is because they don't understand what it is like to be a carer.

    Sorry for moaning but I also have an orchestral concert on Saturday and it would be wonderful if I had a good night's sleep!

    MaNaAk
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,779
    Female
    London
    I would not lock him in as that could be a disaster in the event of a fire and could also distress him. How would you feel if you found you were locked in your room? How about you ask Social Services for a pressure mat to put in front of his bed? As soon as he puts his feet on it to get up you would hear an alarm and could intercept him early and settle him back in bed.
     
  3. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,815
    UK
    I know that temptation. A year ago night after night with my mum wandering around the house and then climbing out of the dining room window, I thought, what if? but very quickly dismissed the thought on the basis that I would probably be more worried about how stressed it would make her, banging and kicking on the door - how could I sleep through that plus the thought that in desperation she would try to climb out of her bedroom window.

    In the end I got to a stage where I was actually sleeping through her wanderings, I knew she was relatively safe especially after I secured the dining room window and I left a few low lights on. Back then she could still get herself to and from the toilet.
     
  4. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,523
    Essex
    Thankyou Tin!

    I will think about leaving a few low lights on and it does sound as though dad is at the stage where your mumwas back then. Of course today we are both tired but I am in no way as freaked out as I was before dad's diagnosis. Although I would love to hear of a cure for this dreadful disease I am ready to do what I can for dad and I am facing reality. That said he admitted he was confused and he thinks he walked down the street but I know this was impossible because the front door was still locked. However it might be useful if I put the latch down and bolted the door.

    Thanks again

    MaNaAk
     
  5. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,523
    Essex
    Dear Beate,

    Thankyou very much and of course I would need to think of a fire. Also I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that dad is locked in his room by me partly because I have OCD and I would be worried about putting him at risk never mind him banging on the door. However your idea of a pressure mat is excellent and I realise that my friends here on Talking Point are a gold mine of advice.

    Also I think it was just alzheimers that got him up because he sometimes gets up to go to toilet twice in the night because of his diabetes. However the two medical conditions have combined together in this case and I think he needed the toilet and wondered where he was.

    MaNaAk
     
  6. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,815
    UK
    At this point I would just be grateful for medication that can effectively deal with some of the terrible symptoms without any side effects. But then I suppose that's a cure isn't it!
     
  7. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    MaNaAk, if your Dad is getting confused when he gets up to go to the toilet at night, just be aware that he might wee somewhere inappropriate if he can't find the right place. Its quite common, I always had to get up to make sure my husband got to the right place after we'd had a few 'accidents', some of which took me a while to track down!
     
  8. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    Instead of leaving low lights on which can get very expensive, you can buy sensor lights that turn on when someone moves near them. OH was going to the toilet in the middle of the night without turning the light on and of course made a mess on the floor instead of the toilet.

    I bought two different sorts of sensor lights, ones that plug into a power point and others that are battery operated and can be hung on the wall using modern adhesive strips. So we now have these down the hall from his bedroom and in the bathroom and they have worked well. If he wants to wander around the whole house, then they can be a very helpful safety addition.
     
  9. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,523
    Essex
    Thankyou Everyone

    Thankyou to everyone who has replied to my latest thread. Dad has been okay over the last few nights but the sensore lights sound like a good idea along with Beate's alarm mat. When I do this job I think back to when mum and dad were looking after us and when dad suggested that his mil (who he didn't get on well with) could come and stay with us!

    Thanks again

    MaNaAk
     

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