Would a dog be a good idea?

[sinkhole]

I've not been on here for a while. Long story short, my aunt (90) who has dementia has been living with my mum (93) for the past 5 years or so.

My mum has been her primary carer until only a few months ago when she finally agreed it was too much for her and allowed me to organise some care to come into the house. Up until then, it was just the two of them with me getting over there when I could to do shopping and help out. I don't live close.

My aunt has deteriorated rapidly in the last few weeks and is now in hospital after being found out of bed on the floor one morning. She hasn't eaten for the last 5 days so it looks like the end is near.

I know my mum will be devastated when her sister is gone. They both shunned social interaction over the last few years and my mum has often said the only reason she wanted to stay alive was to look after her sister. Just to make things even more difficult for her, it seems she is now suffering from dementia. We are expecting the diagnosis in a couple of weeks time.

An OT from the memory clinic visited recently and made the suggestion that my mum could have a dog now that carers are coming into the house. Now I know my mum would love to have a dog and I'm sure it would help her in her time of grief, but I'm concerned about the practicalities and the possibility of creating more problems for her.

The OT referred me to the Cinnamon Trust who provide help for elderly pet owners. I haven't spoken to them yet and wanted to find out if anyone here has any advice on this subject or has been in a similar position.

Thanks

 

[MrCanuck]

Just my opinion, but a dog can be a great deal of work at the best of times. Perhaps you can find someone who has a therapy dog that can bring the dog in for visits. My mom absolutely loved the regular dog visits at her care home, but there would have been no way she could have cared for one.

 

[Beate]

I have to say that I don't think having to look after a dog is a great idea for someone with dementia or any mental or memory impairment, especially at the grand age of 93. If you take a puppy, they will live longer than she will, and an older rescue dog will need extra care and attention. Dementia is a progressive illness, and instead of looking after someone your Mum will need looking after herself. Basically, you will have either acquired a dog for yourself or you will have to rehouse the poor mutt after a short time already, which isn't fair on the animal.

 

[sinkhole]

These were my own thoughts. It has to be fair on the dog as well.
I actually thought it wasn't very professional for the OT to mention it because now my mum may have her hopes up.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I think @MrCanuck's idea about a therapy dog visiting is very good. I used to take my mother to a local dog park when she was still walking so she could enjoy them.

 

[sinkhole]

I will suggest that, but knowing my mum she will just be yearning for one to visit every day!

 

[try again]

Perhaps you can find a befriended who has acdog

 

[KathrynAnne]

My Mum loves dogs and when she was still living alone in her own home she constantly asked me to get her one. Instead I used to take my dog round nearly every day to visit. My Mum would not have been able to cope with a dog herself. She would not have remembered when to feed it or she would feed it inappropriate things such as chocolate which is poisonous to dogs. I really think it is a bad idea both for your Mum and the potential dog. Even if your Mum could cope with one now, who knows how her dementia will progress and when it would be impossible for her to deal with. The OT has got this very wrong in my opinion!

 

[gotanybiscuits?]

I think @MrCanuck is very good.

Are you two related?

 

[gotanybiscuits?]

Perhaps you can find a befriender who has a dog

I think this is probably the way to go.
I imagine Befriending services will be high on your list of things to investigate now, anyways.

 

[Tin]

Not posted for a while, but have been reading and this is one that I have to answer. Don't do it, Dementia and household pets do not mix. The demands of the dog and progression of Dementia make it impossible. A small dog or puppy quickly becomes a trip hazard. I doubt a rehoming charity would be able to help you. Their rehoming rules and regulations are quite rigid.

I have spent four years caring for my mum and her little dog in my home. Mum's obsession with dog became impossible and I was sometimes forced to take the dog away from her - the things she would do!!! and then the complete opposite would happen, she just did not know how and when to feed, she once put down a bowl of beef oxo water, and she could not bare to let dog out in the garden in case she got lost! walking became impossible without me taking control and eventually I took over all the dog care duties. So much better for the dog, but an unhappy mum who kept accusing me of kidnapping the dog, even though we were all living in the same house.

I had hoped that the dog would out live mum, but not to be, back In May I had to make the decision to have the dog put to sleep. sad, sad for both of us. Then I had to deal with months of mum wandering around the house looking for 'her baby'.

By now you have probably already made your decision, but just thought I would add my two penny's worth.

 

[Duggies-girl]

I agree with the others, not a good idea. My dad has suggested on occasions that he would like a little dog. No he would not, they are messy, they shed hairs, they wake you up at night to go out in the garden, they sometimes chew things and occasionally throw up on the carpet or worse and they need walking. I know this from experience and much as I love dogs I know my dad could not cope even if it was a very well behaved older dog.

I have seen somewhere dementia dogs and cats that are lifelike and breathe or appear to breathe and they are designed to sit on laps as a substitute. They don't need feeding or walking, just stroking and some batteries. I suppose it depends on which stage the person is at as to whether they would accept one.

 

[Moggymad]

Very bad idea in my opinion & it concerns me how many other people the OT has suggested this to. As well as all the very valid points already raised what would happen if the pet became ill? Carers are there for the human not the pet. A lot of looking after a pets welfare is about observation & your mums ability to have this awareness is likely to decline. Carers cannot be relied upon to notice these things especially those who are not 'animal people'. Heaven forbid that your mum should have an emergency & be in hospital, what about the dog then. You've already said you don't live close. Like Tin I am speaking from current experience.
I am an animal lover myself & do know how comforting a pet is but in your mums situation I would definately say noooo!

 

[sinkhole]

Thanks everyone. Yes, I had already decided but wanted to be sure I explored all possibilities. I do think it was irresponsible of the OT to talk about it to her, especially before consulting with me to find out about the family situation.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@sinkhole, would you want to point out all the difficulties of an animal to the OT, based on the many responses you received from people with actual experience? I agree with you that although well-intentioned, it was irresponsible. The OT should be made aware of this, in as diplomatic fashion as you can manage.

 

[Spamar]

Our dog died, from cancer, just after OH was diagnosed. I chose not to have another one, a good decision, I feel.

 

[canary]

Its not just dogs.
We had a cat who died last year and I have not replaced her. OH started to get annoyed with her, shouting at her when she mewed, and I noticed that she had started to avoid going near him. My gut was suspicious about what happened when I wasnt there, so although I miss her and would like another cat, Im not going to get one.

 

[sinkhole]

@sinkhole, would you want to point out all the difficulties of an animal to the OT, based on the many responses you received from people with actual experience? I agree with you that although well-intentioned, it was irresponsible. The OT should be made aware of this, in as diplomatic fashion as you can manage.

When we had the chat about it on the phone a few days ago I was questioning the practicalities and I felt she maybe realised her suggestion wasn't as helpful as perhaps she meant it to be. She might have meant well, but I would expect someone in her position to think carefully before making a suggestion like that.

 

[sinkhole]

Whether or not your mum is capable of looking after a dog, with the assistance of dog walkers and someone to clean up after and take to vets if necessary, is something that you could decide with a memory clinic specialist. It depends in large part on whether or not mum does have dementia, and how frail she is, whether she is good with dogs, and so on.

My dad had the beginnings of dementia 10 years ago and was perfectly capable of looking after a dog up until very recently, but I live close. I probably wouldn't feel safe myself not being able to check up in person that everything was going well. If you are in doubt you probably have sized up the situation as not being suitable.

I think it is a good idea to look at how to support mum in the event of her sister dying. I would look at introducing a be-friender with dog now. If her sister goes it may affect mum badly and she may need full-time care from a live in carer, moving in with family or into a care home. If mum is diagnosed with dementia then I think in all probability it is too late to consider owing a pet.

So difficult.

Yes, I agree with all of that.

I thought a memory clinic OT is supposed to be a specialist. Maybe I should think twice before allowing them into the house from now on. Do they not get training?

The more I deal with these 'professionals' the more I despair at how lacking they can be. I think I need to trust my instincts more and keep some these people away from my mum because I keep having to deal with bad and contradictory advice from them.

I think a be-friender is a great idea and I'll pursue that.

I had already taken steps before my aunt went into hospital to prepare the way for live-in care and should have that in place early in the new year. She needs more consistent care than the current agency can provide and the new agency I'm looking at has Admiral nurses which will no doubt become necessary later if the diagnosis is what I fear it will be.

Mum is adamant she doesn't want to go into a home and it wouldn't be possible for her to move in with my family so I am doing everything I can to allow her to stay in her home as long as she wants.

We visited her sister today and it's clear there isn't much time left. She is in the best place she can be at this time and is being well cared for. She really hasn't suffered much which must provide some comfort to my mum.

Thanks for all your help as always. TP is a marvellous resource and I always recommend it to others I meet who are in a similar situation.

 

[deepetshopboy]

Im looking after my dad hes got a cat hes had for 4 years i really would never recommend getting a pet for dementia sifferer ive got my dad feeding the cat 6/7 times day forgetting and doesn’t wash the bowels inless i do
I woukd bever have let him get a cat but he got it himself and that was way before he got very forgetful hes obseeded woth the cat but now mixed her name up and calls it and he ( its a she ) we both love her and i feel sorry for her as im sure she senses my dads not well