wot can i do?

[hope2help]

I'm new to site & wud appreciate any info on helping my mum-in-law. She is 63 and has been on exelon for 4years since diagnosis of AD. My 70 yr old f-in-law is her carer and on the last visit to the hospital he wos told that the exelon may be withdrawn next visit as she is now in a critical ?? stages and that he(the consultant) must follow guidelines, unfortunately i missed the appointment due to having twins. My f-in-law is obviously distressed as he is only just coping and is on the egde and all my time is now taken up looking after babies. Wot are the costs of a private prescription etc? I have booked an appointment with our local alzheimers society to find out wot homehelp he can get but he is a very proud somewhat old fashioned gentleman and considers it his duty to see to all her care needs. He also hates the thought of discussing his finances with social services and them taking his hard earned savings. He feels guilty and that he is doing her a dis-service by getting help! My hubby and I are concerned that his health is suffering under the strain especially as over the past few weeks she is having some incontinence problems, aggresive behaviour, refuses to get dressed and has no grip on reality. He also insists on the house being totally spotless as its what she wud of wanted.

 

[Skye]

Hi hope2help, welcome to TP.

You've done the right thing contacting your local branch of Alzheimer's Society, I'm sure they'll point you in the right direction for getting help.

I'm sorry, I have no idea what a private prescription would cost, and in any case, that would depend on the consultant being prepared to write one.

I think the time has come to persuade your father that he needs some help, especially if your mum is incontinent. An assessment by SS will open so many doors for him. Provided he knows he is over the limit for funding, and is prepared to pay for services, he would not have to reveal details of his finances.

I hope your interview goes well, and you find AS helpful.

Love,

 

[Taffy]

Hello and welcome to TP. Congratulations on the birth of your babies. I can understand you been tried down with twins and now they must be your main priority. You have a lot on your plate and it's nice how you care about your inlaws. I am sorry about your MIL's decline and feel for your FIL and can see why you are so concerned about him. I am sure that you'll get alot of help and support here. I hope that everything can be sorted and your FIL will come to terms with some help. As you said; he is a proud old gentleman. We have to appreciate it's the way of their era. Wishing you well. Taffy.

 

[elaineo2]

Hi hopetohelp,congratulations on the twins birth,i have no advice on this one.I cannot even exaggerate a figure for a private script(and as already said,thats if the consultant will give one).All i will say is that my family and I are awaiting a consultant visit for dad and this is a question i will be asking if he cannot have treatment on the nhs.its a cruel world and a cruel disease for sufferers and carers.take care elainex

 

[Margaret W]

Isn't our understanding of age odd? I have two male friends over 70 who are fit as fleas, and wouldn't bat an eyelid at divulging their finances in order to get state benefits. My mum has a friend aged 75, who refuses point blank to tell anyone what money she has got (and it can't be much, I am sure she is entitled to benefits, her husband was a builderers labourer, worked with my dad, and dad earned more than him. They were both from big families so any sale of a family home - but I think it was a council house - will have been shared amongst a lot of children), but she refuses to disclose it.

I can't advise at all on people who won't accept help, especially as young as your dad is. But some people are like that, it is a sense of pride at having "looked after" their spouse, in some ways it is quite masculine so it is important to preserve that feeling in your dad. Quite how you do it, while persuading him that he can't cope, I don't know. And you'll probably gather from my email tone, that I would not have a clue how to do it tactfully. Perhaps you'll have to start dropping little hints, like, if mum was in that care home she could have lots of ladies her age to talk to. Or, if mum was in the care home, she'd be having a trip out somewhere today. Of course, he might feel jealous about that. Eeh, aint it hard? Well, I'm just rabbitting on, not a clue how to advise, but just to say I hope you find a solution, and remember, you can only do your best.

Love

Margaret