Hi everyone. I'm posting because I'm awake and very very sad and, I don't know, need to connect with people who may understand.
I'm a single woman and only child and I brought my Mum to live with me to care for her. We've had our ups and downs over the past few years as the illness has worsened and now we're at the stage where I've got carers coming in the morning and evening to help me with getting her washed and dressed and undressed for bed etc. That still leaves 22 hours a day where I'm the only carer. I have great friends and a small but supportive extended family so I do manage to get out for breaks. But even that is becoming harder as Mum's anxiety when I'm not there is getting worse all the time so it's harder to leave her with other people.
The strange thing is I've mostly been coping well, just taking things day by day and focussing on what needs to be done. But today was different somehow. Mum had a bad day in terms of her confusion. She was agitated and convinced she needed to be somewhere else. So I took her for a drive as that sometimes calms her down. We live near the sea and it was a glorious day. Anyway as I was driving I looked out at the wonderful view and looked across at Mum looking frail and distant and all the memories of happier times came flooding back and the realisation that I've lost the person she used to be forever just hit me like a ton of bricks. I held it together when we got home but ever since I've got her to bed I've just been crying uncontrollably.
So I guess I'm asking has anybody else experienced this sort of sudden extreme sadness and how did you deal with it?
Thanks a million in advance for any responses.
I'm a single woman and only child and I brought my Mum to live with me to care for her. We've had our ups and downs over the past few years as the illness has worsened and now we're at the stage where I've got carers coming in the morning and evening to help me with getting her washed and dressed and undressed for bed etc. That still leaves 22 hours a day where I'm the only carer. I have great friends and a small but supportive extended family so I do manage to get out for breaks. But even that is becoming harder as Mum's anxiety when I'm not there is getting worse all the time so it's harder to leave her with other people.
The strange thing is I've mostly been coping well, just taking things day by day and focussing on what needs to be done. But today was different somehow. Mum had a bad day in terms of her confusion. She was agitated and convinced she needed to be somewhere else. So I took her for a drive as that sometimes calms her down. We live near the sea and it was a glorious day. Anyway as I was driving I looked out at the wonderful view and looked across at Mum looking frail and distant and all the memories of happier times came flooding back and the realisation that I've lost the person she used to be forever just hit me like a ton of bricks. I held it together when we got home but ever since I've got her to bed I've just been crying uncontrollably.
So I guess I'm asking has anybody else experienced this sort of sudden extreme sadness and how did you deal with it?
Thanks a million in advance for any responses.