MiL forgot who hubby was yesterday, you aren't my son, you aren't my carer, I don't want you in my house...Nasty words to a lovely man but we know its the illness, what worried me is she was scared and he was upset that he was the one scaring her. He is her carer, she lives with us in a purpose built annexe - I work full time and support the family, and I've been drained by how bad she is (the invisibles never help us). I was able to calm her down but she told me a tall tale about what had happened, was furious with hubby and wanted him out??? I sat with her for 2 hours ( I try not to as it upsets me how negative she is about what I cook, that things are being stolen, all the usual that seems to hit me personally but I know shouldn't) and it was all calm eventually. After 2.5 years of no break, no holidays, no nights out his useless brother is having her for a week ( at our house) so we can have a belated honeymoon, and then he will see how hard it is - and yet I'm worried that he won't deal with it well - my kids are both staying home that week to help ( not their grandma but I'm proud of how much they have stepped up). I don't like this life, but I signed up for it, wasn't sure how the illness would take MiL but I love her, but we're exhausted - she isn't sleeping now, we're afraid she's afraid...this illness sucks...we are so drained..sorry
Worst day so far, please share any advice you have , thank you
- Thread starter Julia B
- Start date
I'm not surprised you're drained. Have you considered carers coming in or MIL gong to a day centre?
Hello cat27, no, she won't go out ( was known for it before her illness so its even more pronounced now) and even if any of the invisibles visit for about 30 mins she's totally off kilter, anxious and unsettled for days after, my poor little MiL, she's disappearing behind the illness, yet our life revolves around her
If the fear/not recognising your OH continues, there's a couple of things you can try, but no guarantee anything will help. First, he can try starting to talk to her before she sees him - like as he's approaching, "hi mum, it's me, ___. I'll be with you in a minute. Have you had a good day? " type of thing, so she can connect the familiar voice with him then.
Secondly, talk to her doctor. He may be able to give her something to help with her anxiety.
Secondly, talk to her doctor. He may be able to give her something to help with her anxiety.
Sadly failing to recognise close family members / carers and being scared of them is common. Mum was scared of Dad sometimes, even though Dad was super-humanly kind and patient almost always and never unkind.
This one worked for me. In the early days of mum's dementia she forgot who I was and could not recognise me as her daughter - strange times - Was told to speak to her from another room and to be sure she could hear me, told her I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea and to come and join me if she wanted one. Tea and biscuits all ready for her when she entered the kitchen. I also tried to avoid her while she was Sundowning, nothing works during these times. These days she does recognise me and still knows that I am her daughter, probably due to the amount of time we spend together.
