Worrying thought for OH's care if I was incapable

[AbbyGee]

Something's been bothering me for a while and I wonder if you good guys and gals can come up with any useful suggestions.

I am my OH's sole carer. He's been getting a two hour sitter once a week although that's not going too well. The planned second visit has failed so far but that's another story. We have no other regular visitors or carers. My own physical health isn't exactly brilliant.

I keep the front door chained and key locked to thwart the escape attempts. My OH can no longer manage to remove the chain is not aware of where the key is.

I've had a thought nadgering away at me that is "What if I was rendered incapable? What if I fell down the stairs or became ill and incapacitated to an extent that I couldn't reach or use the phone? Or even if I could use the phone to call for help how would the Emergency Services enter?".

There's a myriad of scenarios going through my mind where my OH wouldn't have a clue what to. He can't manage the phone. I'm concerned he wouldn't get the care he needs if I'm not up and functioning.

A good friend of mine has a set of duplicate keys and would be able to enter via an indirect route (through full height gates into communal parking area, the garden and then the back door) but how would she know I needed assistance? Also, she's frequently away from home.

I've considered getting one of those key safe doo-dahs outside the front door. But then, who would have the code to open it. They could use the back door route unless a bolt cropper was used on the front door chain. But that still comes back to calling for help in the first place!

Going round in circles here and I'll admit the thoughts driving me to distraction.

 

[canary]

You need a pendant alarm that you wear and it has a button on it to press in emergencies.
It will automatically call a centre and they will have the code to any key-safe outside.
You do have to pay - I believe its about £30 a month (others will correct me if Im wrong!)
Try contacting SS - they supplied OH with one, but he refused to wear it

 

[AbbyGee]

@canary Thanks, that's worth considering.

 

[Violet Jane]

Could you get a pendant alarm, with your friend given as a named contact? You would need to get a key safe as well. I think that some companies don’t require a local contact but they probably charge more.

I think that you might need to review your arrangements to prevent your husband from wandering so that access to the house could be obtained if you were incapacitated.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Ahem. I have wondered about this, but for myself - I live alone. Boyfriend has a key but lives 4 hours away and no one here has his contact details anyway. No one else has a key. My friends are mostly distant - there's no one here I would want to have my key, so what to do when I get old and frail and fall down the stairs? (Or maybe tomorrow when one of the cats trips me up...)

I'm sure many of us are in a similar situation @AbbyGee and I'd be interested in alternatives to a pendant-alarm - don't think I'm quite ready for that. (Although...) I do need to put something in place though.

 

[Violet Jane]

A near neighbour is a possibility or someone who lives quite close by. The idea is that it would only be very rarely that s/he would be contacted by the company; it’s entirely possible that s/he would never be contacted. I agreed to be a contact for one of my neighbours. She’s not particularly old (74) or frail but has a heart condition and was worried that if she fell she might not be found for hours or a day.

 

[Banjomansmate]

Is there someone you could phone to “check in” with at about the same time each day? My husband’s aunt had this system and on the morning she didn’t check in her friend went to her house and found her dead in her armchair.
It’s not the ideal system and you could be left stranded for nearly 24 hours but it might be better than nothing. I just hope if something happened to me my neighbours who live opposite would notice the curtains weren’t drawn back or no lights on or the next door neighbours would hear my dogs barking.

 

[jennifer1967]

i have a careline alarm that is for both of us and is fitted by the council. i have a keysafe outside and the careline operator knows the code so can give it to the paramedics. there are 3 different tarrifs, bronze, silver and gold. we have gold in that press the alarm which looks more like a mobile phone, the switch checks whats happened by talking to you, if i or my husband have a fall, they send out the paramedics to get whichever up and assess whether we need to go to hospital. we pay £20 month. the silver is slightly cheaper and they will phone a nominated number for them to go round and see if you are alright. we got the gold and paramedics as if either fell then the other one couldnt safely pick them up so this was safer for us.

 

[Veritas]

I don’t think there is just one solution to this. A pendant alarm certainly could have a useful part to play but it’s not the whole answer - the various other suggestions in this thread are worth considering, depending on your local networks, but if none of them work for your circumstances I’d suggest a conversation with social services or one of the specialist helplines. You cannot be the only person in this difficult situation - arguably all of us providing 1:1 care without external input should be considering what their contingency arrangements should be.

 

[jennifer1967]

I don’t think there is just one solution to this. A pendant alarm certainly could have a useful part to play but it’s not the whole answer - the various other suggestions in this thread are worth considering, depending on your local networks, but if none of them work for your circumstances I’d suggest a conversation with social services or one of the specialist helplines. You cannot be the only person in this difficult situation - arguably all of us providing 1:1 care without external input should be considering what their contingency arrangements should be.

the careline one is more of a mobile shape not a pendant and you hang it round your neck. we dont because either could press the button. its charged up like a mobile phone as well. im only 54 so to have a pendant would make me feel too old. run by council and paid for to the council. if someone saw it and saw it around the neck with like a lanyard, they wouldnt necessarily think it was a falls alert. im housebound so would need someone to come to me.

 

[Violet Jane]

It might also be worthwhile contacting your local carers organisation or local branch of Age UK. In my London borough they have introduced a carers card which alerts people that you are a carer and contains emergency contact details if something happens to you. That doesn’t necessarily address falls in your own home but it’s something else to think about.

 

[AbbyGee]

I think for a short-term measure I'll print out the days of the week, on A5, and laminate them. I could then place today's day name in the front window as soon as I get up or as soon as I remember. I'll ask next door neighbours to check the day has been changed by 4pm or so and if it still shows yesterday then ring the doorbell. If no reply - get hold of the friend with the keys. I'll also make sure next door neighbours have keys in the event normal key holder is away.
Of course this only takes one brain-fa*t on my part to forget the change the day and the whole thing fails!
EDIT EDIT EDIT!
NOPE! Rethought this idea and it's not good. Not good at all. Our City is not exactly trouble free and house burglary is all too common. Having something like this on view for all and sundry to see indicates some sort of vulnerability and I don't want to advertise the fact.
Back to the drawing board.

 

[AbbyGee]

It might also be worthwhile contacting your local carers organisation or local branch of Age UK. In my London borough they have introduced a carers card which alerts people that you are a carer and contains emergency contact details if something happens to you. That doesn’t necessarily address falls in your own home but it’s something else to think about.

I have a Carer's Card in my purse. I really must consider changing the contact names on it as they're both people in whose care I'm involved (OH & older sibling). Maybe a secondary laminated contact card would be an idea. I can knock that up quickly enough.
Phew, all this disaster planning is quite depressing, eh?

 

[jugglingmum]

I have 2 neighbours who live on their own and you've made me think about who knows they are ok on a daily basis.

My next door neighbour (72) was widowed last May and I think the people the other side of him keep an eye on his curtains being open. As it is a cul de sac and we dont actually go past his house we wouldn't notice especially on a busy work school day. I'll speak to the other neighbour. ( we are still going with 5pm drinks on a Sat even though lock down has ended So we do socialise a lot)

The other neighbour (58) was widowed in Feb due to covid. I suspect she messages both daughters daily. She had a hip replacement last Thursday home Sat and has had one or other daughter staying since. She will be on her own from this evening so we will take over for a bit with support.l as she can't carry anything. I'll speak to her directly.

For your situation you could put a different picture up every day such as a flower dog cat. If you print from a pre school type website it would look line you are doing it to entertain passing children if visible (they would enjoy it)

Or you could agree to exchange texts each day with friend or neighbour. This could just be morning and a reply if morning so no commitment to chat.

 

[mickeyplum]

Contact Carer's link. They have helped me a lo. and set out an Emergency Plan for if I suddenly wasn't able to care for him. My husband and I both have free wristbands which set the alarm off if we fall.( I didn't want the pendants) my OH who has dementia kept removing his at night as if it was his watch , or setting it off accidentally so I've takenit away from him and just hope if he falls during the night I'll hear him. I sympathise with you cos no matter how much we try to orgranise and plan for any eventuality the worry is constantly there. Good luck

 

[MartinWL]

Widening this a little bit, I wonder if anyone has set up contingency plans for their own unexpected incapacity? I am the only POA for both parents, have no siblings, and no younger family who might take over if I were to be run over by a bus. I play an important part in my father's care arrangements as well. For example could a solicitor be instructed on a contingency basis, who would apply to the court of protection in the event that I was assassinated by aliens?

 

[jennifer1967]

i have a recovery lpa which my son will take over from me if i get beamed up by aliens. he will then talk to the others and make a plan, hes the most tactful of them.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

That beamed up by aliens thing - can you get LA funding for that? Seems a better solution for me than a care home...

 

[jennifer1967]

That beamed up by aliens thing - can you get LA funding for that? Seems a better solution for me than a care home...

i wish, it would be very popular and would stimulate the brain. just got to get the spaceship then all systems go!!!???

 

[Lynmax]

I had concerns in the last lockdown about becoming incapacitated during the night as I live alone and was obviously not going out. So I set up a WhatsApp group with my son and daughter so I can message them first thing in the morning to show I am still alive! I admit I sometimes forget and the time I message various considerably but it’s better than nothing.

I had a key safe installed and gave the code to my children and my sister, who lives the closest to me. I hope that if my children did not hear from me they would phone my sister to ask her to call round.