Hi all,
My mother (71) was diagnosed with dementia a year ago following a gradual decline of her short term memory over the last five years or so. Throughout this period her short term memory has become gradually worse to the point now where she often forgets earlier interactions and conversations end up going round and round in circles. She is fully mobile and can carry out tasks around the house off her own back but does get easy confused when asked to do anything that involves more than one step. She also struggles to remember recent events that have happened and says things like ‘I haven’t even left this house in weeks’ despite going on a trip to town the day before etc.
The challenge is that she is completely unaware that there are any issues with her memory at all and is therefore reluctant for any kind of help. She also has regular mood swings and it is not uncommon to walk into a room to find her on the verge of tears claiming that she feels hopeless and unloved. She also regularly shuns family occasions (she has two step children- my half sibling from my father- who have recently had their own children) saying she feels nothing more than an accessory and that no one wants to see her which couldn’t be further from the truth. I have told this to her many a time but she always forgets these conversations.
She lives with my father ( 72) who now does most things around the house (weekly shop, cooking, her finances, organising trips out, inviting people round etc.) but is completely oblivious to this believing that she does all the cooking, cleaning, house care etc. My father does well in general with all this but finds it incredibly tiring and also rather hopeless knowing that things will only get worse. He does an awful lot to help her but as someone who has been fiercely independent her whole life, she often feels he is treading on her toes and gets frustrated with him which really upsets him. I have had many a phone call with him where he has sounded completely deflated and in despair as my mother has had yet another moodswing either claiming that she is trapped in her own home or asking him the same thing over and over again saying that he never tells her anything.
My father is a serial worrier and has struggled with high blood pressure for the past 20 years or so from stress. I know that caring for my mother puts a huge amount of pressure on him and further stress which greatly worries and upsets me. I live with my girlfriend in London (my parents are based rurally in Sussex) with quite an intense job so moving closer to help or visiting often (more than every few weeks) is a challenge. I have spoken to my father about getting support however neither he nor I know what that might look like since day to day chores are fine- it’s more the emotional side of worrying about what my mother might do next that is the trouble.
Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice that could possibly be relevant or help?
Apologies for the long post- this is first time I’ve ever written about this and thank you for getting this far!
My mother (71) was diagnosed with dementia a year ago following a gradual decline of her short term memory over the last five years or so. Throughout this period her short term memory has become gradually worse to the point now where she often forgets earlier interactions and conversations end up going round and round in circles. She is fully mobile and can carry out tasks around the house off her own back but does get easy confused when asked to do anything that involves more than one step. She also struggles to remember recent events that have happened and says things like ‘I haven’t even left this house in weeks’ despite going on a trip to town the day before etc.
The challenge is that she is completely unaware that there are any issues with her memory at all and is therefore reluctant for any kind of help. She also has regular mood swings and it is not uncommon to walk into a room to find her on the verge of tears claiming that she feels hopeless and unloved. She also regularly shuns family occasions (she has two step children- my half sibling from my father- who have recently had their own children) saying she feels nothing more than an accessory and that no one wants to see her which couldn’t be further from the truth. I have told this to her many a time but she always forgets these conversations.
She lives with my father ( 72) who now does most things around the house (weekly shop, cooking, her finances, organising trips out, inviting people round etc.) but is completely oblivious to this believing that she does all the cooking, cleaning, house care etc. My father does well in general with all this but finds it incredibly tiring and also rather hopeless knowing that things will only get worse. He does an awful lot to help her but as someone who has been fiercely independent her whole life, she often feels he is treading on her toes and gets frustrated with him which really upsets him. I have had many a phone call with him where he has sounded completely deflated and in despair as my mother has had yet another moodswing either claiming that she is trapped in her own home or asking him the same thing over and over again saying that he never tells her anything.
My father is a serial worrier and has struggled with high blood pressure for the past 20 years or so from stress. I know that caring for my mother puts a huge amount of pressure on him and further stress which greatly worries and upsets me. I live with my girlfriend in London (my parents are based rurally in Sussex) with quite an intense job so moving closer to help or visiting often (more than every few weeks) is a challenge. I have spoken to my father about getting support however neither he nor I know what that might look like since day to day chores are fine- it’s more the emotional side of worrying about what my mother might do next that is the trouble.
Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice that could possibly be relevant or help?
Apologies for the long post- this is first time I’ve ever written about this and thank you for getting this far!
