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Worried

Jacquetta

Registered User
Jan 30, 2015
12
My mother has alzheimers in the early stages I think but not sure dad is fuĺl time carer both are 88 .Dad is fit and well but tired.The thing is I live an hour away .I work full time and have been diagnosed with 2 different types of arthritis. Dad now wants me to stay overnight ..so he can go out.to the pub..I don't want to do this ..I feel that if I do it once he'll want me to do it all the time .. I hate being away from my home and partner.I also find it difficult to say no to him I know he deserves a break.But neither of them cared that much when I was on my own and they were swanning around the world enjoying themselves.I know I Sound bitter thats
coz I am lol....anyway just wanted to get it off my chest
 

patsy56

Registered User
Jan 14, 2015
839
Fife Scotland
oh Jacquetta, I so feel for you. I too live an hour away from mum, and when dad was dying I went down everyweekend for 3 months. My husband has been diagnosed with parkinsons and I am his full time carer. I have gone forom full time to part time to look after him.

But yes <But neither of them cared that much when I was on my own and they were swanning around the world enjoying themselves.I know I Sound bitter thats
coz I am lol.> yes holidays abroad and winters in NZ. I didn't mind, they worked hard for their time together, but yes it was when you needed someone they were never there.
I remember not even a phone call on my birthday....does that sound mean?
 

kaycee30

Registered User
Feb 4, 2015
20
You must try NOT feeling selfish or like you are being mean.
Even without the past history, you have your own family, job and a life to live.
I would suggest seeking help from the local social services and getting an assessment for your parents, so they can get the help and support locally.
Your father will need a break, but that could be during the day, evenings in the pub may have to stop.
another option, if he is adamant thats when he wants his break would be to use the Attendance allowance benefit to pat for a carer in the evening sohe can go to the pub, although I would raise the concern of your father being intoxicated (not saying he'll be llegless) and responsible for your Mother's care x
 

Jacquetta

Registered User
Jan 30, 2015
12
You must try NOT feeling selfish or like you are being mean.
Even without the past history, you have your own family, job and a life to live.
I would suggest seeking help from the local social services and getting an assessment for your parents, so they can get the help and support locally.
Your father will need a break, but that could be during the day, evenings in the pub may have to stop.
another option, if he is adamant thats when he wants his break would be to use the Attendance allowance benefit to pat for a carer in the evening sohe can go to the pub, although I would raise the concern of your father being intoxicated (not saying he'll be llegless) and responsible for your Mother's care x[/QUOTE

Thank you both for your replies .only 2nd time on site. I feel a bit lost on occasions.with everything.They have had offer of a sitter from ss but the times didn't suit dad ..!! Am going to speak to ssagain this morning to see if a bit of persuasion works with him..
Your help is very kind