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Registered User
Mar 26, 2020
My husband is in nursing home and just facetimed him cant believe how much hes detiorated since he went in 2 months ago.hes had a cough and fever and chills but when i saw through video link hes black round the eyes and he does not look well at all.Ive not seen him in over a month but cant believe how much hes gone downhill in such a short time.Hes confined in his room as they dont know if hes caught this corona virus or not which is very worrying as he has alzheimers and vascular dementia also he may have heart failure as well. Although he knew me and smiled he said i had changed a lot my weight for one as ive not been eating much since he went in. he blew me a kiss which is comforting with this lockdown i cant even go and visit and its made him anxious not seeing me.Iwould have him home in aflash cause when he was with me he never picked up any infections wished i had never put him in a nursing home.He started wandering thats the reason for him going into the nursing home. Hes on antibiotics and paracetomol along with his other medication.


Registered User
May 9, 2012
south-east London
This must be so worrying for you @pumpkin31 - a worry so much more intensified by the fact that you cannot visit your husband in person.

Please do not blame yourself. There was a real need for you husband to go into a nursing home - for his own safety and because it was more than you could be expected to cope with. While it might be true that your husband did not pick up infections when he was with you, you cannot be sure that he would have been any safer with you at this point. If your husband was wandering, how would you have been able to keep him home and safe, away from infection? I have read many stories on the forum in recent weeks where people are having a huge struggle to keep their loved ones with dementia at home and safe. For some the frustrations have been over-spilling into some very tense situations in the home.

So, no - you did not do the wrong thing at all. We can only do our best at any given time and none of us know how things will pan out. You acted out of love and concern for your husband's welfare so please do not lose sight of that when the feelings of guilt or sense of having lost control of a situation kick in - because in truth, none of us ever had control over the disease or what obstacles might lie ahead in the first place.

Stay strong and know that we all understand x