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Worried that caring for me will become too much for my wife

Fluffy one

Registered User
Oct 4, 2016
6
0
Hertfordshire
I am living with dementia. I am married and my wife is my carer. My worry is it will become too much for her.
I am also certified because I know my fate.
 

Farzi

New member
Mar 30, 2021
4
0
My husband took care of me and gave me the freedom to do anything and everything. I had no idea one day I will become his Carer. He shows his concerns for me in different ways. Sometime he think I am not the same F who used to do other things and / or planning gathering of friends and family. He just sees me as a carer. Other times, he tells me to go and do the things I used to do. I have changed the way I used to do thing I enjoyed. I do the same things though not often and I always get him involved. you shouldn’t worry. your Wife will find ways of enjoying your company and keep you motivated. A successful and happy marriage is for ever- for better and worse. looking after will be challenging but she will do it happily just as I and many partners do.
 

Dunroamin

Registered User
May 5, 2019
117
0
UK
A worry of mine too. My Alzheimer's is at an early stage but even so I have my 'moments'. i have addressed all I can in my poa documents and advance directive statements, plus a DNR. But I still worry. My husbands health is not good and physically I am am the stronger one.

Whilst I have grave concerns for all those in a caring role, there is precious little said about how we (as P'sWD) feel about being aware of losing our personalities and independence as time goes on. We too have a living bereavement as we 'lose' ourselves. I think this is due to many denying there is a problem and getting diagnosed later than would often be useful. A particular bee in my bonnet!
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,111
0
Kent
It`s educational to hear from people with dementia who are able to articulate their feelings and fears. Thank you.

My husband was unable to express his fears along, I imagine, with a majority of people with dementia.
He demonstrated his fears, frustrations and feelings with challenging behaviour and I relied on trial and error to try to manage this.
It took a while to accept his actions and speech were not personal. Even so, if I had known then what I know now I would have been a much better partner and carer.

So a repeated thank you to @Fluffy one @Farzi and @Dunroamin and to anyone else who posts on this Thread.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,394
0
Scotland
I too would like to thank you all. My husband and I talked about everything over our long marriage but he was unable to talk about his Alzheimer’s. I tried several times to sit quietly and get him to think about certain aspects and he would begin well enough but did not have the sustained focus to finish what he was trying to say. Within minutes the conversation would drift and I didn’t harass him about it.

So please, while you can, pursue this thoughts which may well enlighten us .
 

HardToLetGo

Registered User
Oct 10, 2020
36
0
A worry of mine too. My Alzheimer's is at an early stage but even so I have my 'moments'. i have addressed all I can in my poa documents and advance directive statements, plus a DNR. But I still worry. My husbands health is not good and physically I am am the stronger one.

Whilst I have grave concerns for all those in a caring role, there is precious little said about how we (as P'sWD) feel about being aware of losing our personalities and independence as time goes on. We too have a living bereavement as we 'lose' ourselves. I think this is due to many denying there is a problem and getting diagnosed later than would often be useful. A particular bee in my bonnet!
Hi, yes I think you're right this is a very difficult disease to come to terms with and discuss openly from any perspective - perhaps something we need to change as a society. I'm glad you shared your thoughts on this. My Mum has had a rough year with dementia and knowing what is helpful to say is hard, I'm glad she shared some of her feelings with me 💞