Worried sick about my Mum.

Tee25

New member
Apr 29, 2020
6
0
My Mum has deteriated so much since going into a care home 7 weeks ago.She is waiting to be assessed for dementia even though ot is obvious that she has got it I can't cope with her mood anymore.She has suffered so much over the years with so much wrong.I just want her suffering to end.How long can someone live with dementia?
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
4,694
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Welcome to the forum Teresa. It's a worrying time but you will find lots of support here. If your Mum is diagnosed with dementia there is medication that can help with the symptoms. In answer to your question of how long someone can live with dementia this varies a lot and is dependent on things like the type of dementia, how long the person has had it and whether they have any other health issues. I can understand your anxiety but try to take one day at a time, and wait to see what the diagnosis is. In the meantime you know that your Mum is safe and being well cared for.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
.How long can someone live with dementia?


Hello @TeresaLegg. Welcome to Dementia Talking Point

We know how upsetting it will be to know how much your mum is struggling. Sadly all you can do is support her and be there for her as much as you can.

How often are you visiting? If you are finding her mood changes too difficult, space your visits out.

While your mother is waiting for a diagnosis she is being cared for in the home and perhaps needs time to settle.

Stay with Talking Point. There are many who have been in your situation and even though no one can solve your problems or make your mum better we understand your feelings. `all we can do is offer support.
 

Tee25

New member
Apr 29, 2020
6
0
Welcome to the forum Teresa. It's a worrying time but you will find lots of support here. If your Mum is diagnosed with dementia there is medication that can help with the symptoms. In answer to your question of how long someone can live with dementia this varies a lot and is dependent on things like the type of dementia, how long the person has had it and whether they have any other health issues. I can understand your anxiety but try to take one day at a time, and wait to see what the diagnosis is. In the meantime you know that your Mum is safe and being well cared for.
My Mum is very frail,has mobility problems,magular degeneration with not much sight left.Also the start of heart failure,an enlarged liver,severe depression that she has had for over 30 years.She has had severe anemia 2 blood transfusions.5 weeks in hospital before going into the home.She can't hear very well,
Constantly worrys.She can't take in what you are saying,struggles to write and make a conversation.Everything is a mess.
 

Tee25

New member
Apr 29, 2020
6
0
Hello @TeresaLegg. Welcome to Dementia Talking Point

We know how upsetting it will be to know how much your mum is struggling. Sadly all you can do is support her and be there for her as much as you can.

How often are you visiting? If you are finding her mood changes too difficult, space your visits out.

While your mother is waiting for a diagnosis she is being cared for in the home and perhaps needs time to settle.

Stay with Talking Point. There are many who have been in your situation and even though no one can solve your problems or make your mum better we understand your feelings. `all we can do is offer support.

Hello @TeresaLegg. Welcome to Dementia Talking Point

We know how upsetting it will be to know how much your mum is struggling. Sadly all you can do is support her and be there for her as much as you can.

How often are you visiting? If you are finding her mood changes too difficult, space your visits out.

While your mother is waiting for a diagnosis she is being cared for in the home and perhaps needs time to settle.

Stay with Talking Point. There are many who have been in your situation and even though no one can solve your problems or make your mum better we understand your feelings. `all we can do is offer support.
I saw my Mum on March 14th and then the home went into lockdown on the 17th.I was allowed to visit last week by seeing her through a window.She looked very frail.The care is not good and i have raised my concerns many times.It will be ages for the assessment due to lockdown.Her eyes have got worse and appointments keep getting cancelled.We try and talk on the phone but she is talking silly things and shouting and crying.I just can't cope with it,i am going mad.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
It makes it worse when you are unhappy with the care.

Please call the helpline. They may have some suggestions.

 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
1,045
0
I am in a similar situation in that Mum was recently discharged from hospital to a care home when it was obvious she could no lonher live on her own at home. Luckily, we are happy with mums care so far, or at least we don't know of any problems. What are your concerns and how have you found out about them when you cannot visit? Such a problem this lack of visiting.

We were able to work with the hospital discharge team once they found a care home able to take her. That home was miles away and we knew we would move her closer as soon as possible. So I contacted a care home that had been recommended to me ( not been to visit it though) and to my surprise they were able to offer mum a place under certain conditions - a negative Covid 19 test and two weeks in isolation on arrival. These conditions are now the same in all care homes I understand.

We had to wait for a senior manager to agree the funding as the care home I wanted was more than twice the cost of the one the discharge team proposed but it was authorised and mum was moved within two days.

Hopefully we made the right decision, no care issues so far although we cannot visit other than to drop off things mum needed but we've had several phone calls and updates. I am worried though about the possibility of mum getting this virus but I'm trying to put that to the back of my mind.

It would be very different if we had concerns about her care and I think if that was the case we would try to move her straight
away. Could you look into doing that? In my experience just last week, many care homes are now accepting new residents - being somewhat cynical, I suspect there are a lot of homes with empty rooms affecting their income!

There is a special Covid 19 fund from the Gvt to pay care home fees for all hospital discharges regardless of a financial assessment. Mum is being funded until social services can undertake the assessment and even though she will be self funding, she does not have to repay anything.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
0
I saw my Mum on March 14th and then the home went into lockdown on the 17th.I was allowed to visit last week by seeing her through a window.She looked very frail.The care is not good and i have raised my concerns many times.It will be ages for the assessment due to lockdown.Her eyes have got worse and appointments keep getting cancelled.We try and talk on the phone but she is talking silly things and shouting and crying.I just can't cope with it,i am going mad.

I think we all feel like this sometimes. It's an extremely difficult thing to deal with and only people who have been through it really understand, so keep posting for support and advice. Hopefully your mum will be given medication to help her be calm. If seeing your mum through the window and speaking to her are distressing you both, perhaps you could try sending/dropping off some flowers, cards, or something for your mum to cuddle if you think she would like that - something to let her know that you are thinking of her. Let yourself cry/shout/whatever makes you feel better.