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Worried my nan has the onset/middle stages of dementia but cannot get her to the doctors.

AbiS

New member
Sep 21, 2021
3
0
I’m really worried and hope this thread can help me with my problems, my grandad passed away 2.5 years ago and since then or even before that my nan is showing all the symptoms and signs of dementia. she is forgetful, struggles to get her words out, cannot read the time or does not know what day it is. not eating, and also getting suspicious and aggressive towards my mum. My mum is dealing with the full effects of this as she is the only child and closest person to my nan but she is at a loss to know what to do because my nan will simply refuse to go to the doctors and refuse any kind of help - like she’s in denial and thinks she’s fine. she is currently seeing a chap who we (the family) have not met, she met him 3 months after my grandad passed but we are suspicious of him because he will refuse to meet us, is 10 years younger than my 81 year old nan, and has a girlfriend himself. it’s all very secretive and we are worried he is only with her so he can take her money. he is very controlling of her and is all she seems to think about or mention, he calls her 3 times a day but if she misses a phone call apparently he gets very abrupt with her, but we are also concerned because she can’t really string a sentence together let alone talk to this man three times a day. so it’s all very dodgy and we want to get her to a doctors but she will refuse. we also want a power of attorney to stop this man doing anything but she has probably lost all mental capacity to do so now.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,685
0
Hi @AbiS, and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I can understand why you are concerned. Unfortunately there are people out there who prey on vulnerable older people, and this man's behaviour does sound suspicious. I think your mother should try very hard to get Power of Attorney sorted, as she would then be able to help her with her finances etc. If she refuses your mother could try to go down the Deputyship route, but that would entail it being shown your grandmother now lacks capacity to make decisions. It might be worth checking in case this man has already organised POA for your grandmother.
Talking to social services as @DesperateofDevon would be a good idea. If she is not on their radar at least it will flag up your concerns. You could also contact her GP with a bullet list of things you've noticed and see if he/she will call her in for a well-woman check or similar just to try and get the ball rolling on a diagnosis. You might also find phoning the Support Line on 0333 150 3456 or emailing them at dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk useful.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
2,021
0
High Peak
This man is a big red flag - god knows what he's up to but his intentions are clearly not good.

I think you have to insist on meeting him. Actually I think you'd be better to lie in wait and ambush him! Quietly take him to one side and make it very clear you know what he's doing and have already informed the police and social services safeguarding team. Tell him if he doesn't stay away from your grandmother you will take out an injunction to stop him.

Please do this ASAP. Unless you have Power of Attorney and control of her finances, what is to stop this person from fleecing your nan? If his intentions were honourable he would not a) have a girlfriend and b) would be happy to meet you.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,242
0
This man is a big red flag - god knows what he's up to but his intentions are clearly not good.

I think you have to insist on meeting him. Actually I think you'd be better to lie in wait and ambush him! Quietly take him to one side and make it very clear you know what he's doing and have already informed the police and social services safeguarding team. Tell him if he doesn't stay away from your grandmother you will take out an injunction to stop him.

Please do this ASAP. Unless you have Power of Attorney and control of her finances, what is to stop this person from fleecing your nan? If his intentions were honourable he would not a) have a girlfriend and b) would be happy to meet you.
Sadly I believe that if you confronted this man he would then start to cause more issues. Plus if it was decided that the person has capacity you are without any way to prevent further issues. I truly believe phoning social services & raising this issue is the best policy . Safeguarding issues will be taken seriously & acted upon. Also letting the GP know of your concerns & copying in the Adult Safeguarding Team into that communication is the best pathway.
Otherwise the direct approach can be seen as confrontational & could be misinterpreted by the PWD.