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Worried daughter

LAT

New member
Apr 7, 2020
2
Hi I need some advice my mother has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s type dementia myself and my daughter have cared for her before the diagnosis doing her washing shopping etc for 22 years since my father passed. My sibling has never done anything for her at all and over the last 18 months my mother has been giving out her card details over the phone I spoke to my sibling about this but was not interested even though myself and my daughter could see a rapid decline in my mother’s health mentally and physically still said that she is fine and there is nothing wrong with her. I have been paying her bills etc for 2 years as she no longer goes out I ordered her an atm only card to stop her using it over the phone as she spent a few thousand on insurances she did not need when the card came my sibling took it and won’t give it back I’m now worried as one of her children used her card an stole around 6000 off of her is there anything I can do ? Even though she has the card she has done no shopping for at all for 3 weeks myself and my daughter have been getting her things
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,235
I was going to suggest blocking the card, and maybe talking to the bank to explain. Do you or your sibling have lasting power of attorney? It may be too late if your mum no longer has capacity to understand. AN explanation is here is you are not sure, Alzheimer's Society -Lasting Power of Attorney. You can also find out more and download the forms from UK Government - Lasting Power of Attorney.
If you can sort it out it means you can take charge of her finances and other matters, but I can imagine it could cause no end of problems with your sibling, so it might be worth contacting the Alzheimer's Society for advice.

Dementia Connect support line: 0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk

If you do get your mum a new card, or she has other ones, something I've seen suggested on here is scratching off the numbers on the back. The person with dementia then won't be able to use it over the phone to order anything.

Keep posting you'll find lots of good advice and support here.
 
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annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,054
Yorkshire
What a worrying situation, it sounds like a tricky relationship between you, your sister and your mum so I hope you can sort things out in best way for your mum. I agree with what was said by @Cat27 I'd contact bank and stop card and ask for a replacement. You could ask your mum if you can keep it as you pay her bills and do her shopping you can also draw her money out when she needs it.
Do either of you have power of attorney for your mums finances ? I think we've left it too late with my mum and I can see things getting difficult down the line, not for same reason but just as her alzheimers gets worse, so it may be something to think about with your mum before your sister does it.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,216
South coast
I would cancel the card, get a new one and then change the PIN and scratch the numbers off the back. That way the sister cant use it, even if mum gives it to her.
 

LAT

New member
Apr 7, 2020
2
Thanks all for your advice card has been cancelled and trying to sort out power of attorney don’t think this is going to be easy so will definitely be contacting support line for help as we have only recently had a diagnosis we are unable to see anyone or have anyone out to see my mother because of the current situation so hoping that we can sort this out ASAP
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
229
You may also wish to put a ‘call blocker’ on the telephone to weed out some sales calls.
I was amazed at how well this worked.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
229
Would it be worth making a separate post, asking for ideas of how the power of attorney can be presented to your sibling in such a way they decide they are happy for you to have sole control?
The power of attorney isn’t as hard as it sounds.
a good starting point is to print off the form from the web site and then read it on paper. You then realise it isn’t that bad.
If you get on well with neighbours they are perfect to sign and you could still achieve it keeping a 2 metre distance.
it may be worth doing a separate post for tips when doing a power of attorney.
mine would be to set up two folders if doing health and wealth and be very disciplined about keeping them separate.
Also print out at least four copies of the signature sheet. Then someone makes a mistake you just give a big smile and say never mind let’s start again.