Worried about what's decided

[jack29]

Dad has been in hospital for a few weeks. He ended up there due to the fact that he had 4 falls in 7 days. A brief history of his condition..diabetic(should take insulin 3 times a day but forgets),alchoholic(at least a bottle of vodka a day),5 toes amputated due to gangrine, unable to cook for himself,incontinent, unable to wash himself.Clearly suffering from dementia. I had been calling in twice a day, 7 days a week to help as much as possible but it was all getting difficult as I wrk full time and have a family of my own. Anyway Dad has been in and out of hospital for the last four or five years with all of these problems.
We were really releived this time when the nursing staff said a meeting had been held and taking into account our feelings they all felt a nursing home was the answer for Dad. Ths Sister from the ward confirmed this and then I also had a call from the SS discharge team to say the same, in fact they even gave me the name of a nursing home where there is a bed available.
However the lady from SS called me yesterday to say that she had spoken with Dad and that he seemed quite lucid and he was not happy about going into a nursing home. She also said he wanted to talk to his Brother about it first and could I contact his Brother, who Dad told her lives in Ireland, as it may help with his decision. I explained that Dad's Brother died in 1993 She then said oh it's OK your Dad is being assessed(again)later today! I called in the afternoon and was told they were having a meeting about Dad, when I spoke to the ward last night the update was...Family are keen for nursing home, patient not keen, patient wants care at home, mental state to be assessed to see if he is able to make this decision.
I am so worried that they will send him home with a care package...we have been there before and after a couple of days he refuses the care and we end up back to square one! I really don't know what to do next!

 

[Skye]

Hi Jack

It's a very worrying situation, isn't it?

It does really sound as if your dad should be in a care home, he obviously isn't looking after himself.

If I understand you correctly, the discharge team is associated with the hospital? If this is correct, could you get his own SW to visit and talk to both him and the hospital?

I know that when John was to be discharged from hospital, our SW was very supportive, and insisted that they keep him in hospital until a suitable place was found for him.

Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick, but it does sound as if you need some support over this.

Good luck,

 

[jack29]

Hi Hazel,

Well it's obvious to us that Dad needs to be in a nursing home but does not seem obvious to everyone else.

Yes the discharge team are associated with the hospital, and the social services worker is attatched to them.He does not have his own social worker.

At the moment he lives in a self-contained flat and just has a call button to press if he has a problem(no-one on site) but does not really understand the importance of using it or how to really.

Since he has been in hospital he has had a fit/seizure when they took him down to the foot clinic, he has fallen trying to get from the chair next to his bed, into his bed and on Sunday slipped off the front of the chair and the nursing staff found him sitting on the floor.

To me this does not sound like someone who can be at home alone but what I think does not seem to count.

I really hope they will listen to us

 

[Skye]

Jack, you're absolutely right, your dad should not be on his own. You need some help with this.

You could ring the Alzheimer's society helpline and see what they suggest.

You could also try your local branch of AS, and your local branch of Princess Royal Trust for Carers. Either of these can get social services involved for you, very quickly. Our branch of PRT has someone based at the hospital to help with this sort of problem.

The reason I'm suggesting getting SS involved is that if your dad is discharged to his flat, SS will be responsible for his ongoing care (and funding!), and they will refuse to let him go home unless they are happy that he can cope. They have much more clout than you or I!

Sadly, the individual is often disregarded in this sort of situation, we need some big guns behind us.

 

[jack29]

Well went to visit Dad in hospital this afternoon and told him all about the nursing home and he was fine with me about moving there. So I phoned the SS woman from the discharge team and we hope to get things moving. The bad news today was that the hospital are now saying that Dad is not fit for discharge as his heart keep stopping fo short periods of time and they need to find out why!

 

[jenniferpa]

Jack - as you've found, whether someone will or will not agree to going into a nursing home depends a lot on how the option is presented. I'm afraid to say, many so called professionals have no idea how to present this option in a positive light. Don't be surprised if when again asked by the SW he changes his mind again. I would suggest if at all possible that you are there next time the subject is raised: sometimes all that is needed is reassurance from a trusted relative that this doesn't mean they are being abandoned, but that it is necessary for safety etc.