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Worried about my Mum

Layla Pigeon

Registered User
May 15, 2013
Essex, UK
About a year ago I noticed my Mum (69) was talking over me and my Dads conversations about stuff totally unrelated and seemed distracted when me and my son visited. My Dad admitted that she had lost all her confidence and was unlikely to drive again and it wasn't a good idea to invite her to a large gathering where my husband was singing as she probably wouldn't be able to cope with it.
Nothing much has changed since then but with the awful weather we have been having she has been saying she has been really fed up (they like going out for long walks & go away in the UK on walking holidays) as they are stuck indoors, feels really depressed and whenever we go over she always says the same things - not liking eggs, fed up, hates her wrinkles and seems really distracted.
We are not the sort of family to talk openly about our emotions and feelings and part of me is scared to have "the chat" with my Dad as I think I am scared what else he will tell me - it is also hard to get him on his own.
This is losing me sleep as I feel I am a bad daughter pushing this under the carpet and I feel increadably guilty.
Last Saturday Mum said that she thinks she is losing her mind and laughed, I didn't know what to say.
I am a 45 yr old grown woman who doesn't know what to do......


Registered User
Sep 9, 2009
cornwall/real name is Angela
Hi Layla. Has mum seen a doctor at all over what may be causing these problems. I can really understand where you are coming from but for all your familys sake you need to try and talk with each other.Does you dad use a computer, you could email him or even get him on this forum. There are so many people now who can support all of you but you need to talk with dad first even though it is difficult because the longer you leave it I`m sure you know it will only get worse. Good luck.


Registered User
May 15, 2013
My mother is also a worry

My mother seems to have little or no short term memory and has lost confidence as well; she doesn't drive & rarely if ever leaves the house of her own volition and is now starting to neglect her personal hygiene. However, my father has finally given in to his concern and shared the problems with us. She, however, refuses to see the doctor for any reason and has either ignored of forgotten letters from her surgery asking her to attend for check-ups. I hope you manage to talk to your dad and get your mum some help before her issues get any worse.

You definitely need to get the issues out in the open if you can.

All the best...


Registered User
May 19, 2013
Hi Layla, am in much the same situation as you at the moment regarding my Mother in Law. She has however been diagnosed with vascualr dementia after breaking her leg 4 months ago. She was in hospital for a month and then a care home for three months but has now been sent home. She is 84 and her husband 91. We were aware she had a memory problem and was having hallucinations and other symptoms before this happened but now she is back home it is apparant how much worse her condition is.
It is so daunting, as you say she doesn`t accept that she has a problem and her husband, who is practically deaf, doesn`t really understand it either .
It is a real struggle and I like you, am at a loss sometimes as to what to do for the best. It seems like we are fighting a constant battle even though we are trying to do what is best for the both of them. I can only add that even though it is difficult for you at this stage (and it doesn`t matter how old you are, it is your mum and it is hard to make that decision) you need to tackle it head on and get a diagnosis and then hopefully you can get the help your mum needs

Layla Pigeon

Registered User
May 15, 2013
Essex, UK
Thanks for your replies.
I have spoken to my Dad albiet by e-mail and we are meeting up next week (under a pretence of fixing my car) to talk about it.
I am also going to see the local surgery to see if there is any way they can call Mum in for a check up and maybe broach the subject with her - it is a friendly village surgery so maybe will be able to do this).
Thank you for your support.

Layla Pigeon

Registered User
May 15, 2013
Essex, UK

I bit the bullet and made an appointment to see my Mums doctor.

I nearly didn't attend the doctors appointment as I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing but I did go and boy was I glad I did.

Saw the doctor and explained that I didn't want my Mum or Dad to know I had visited and he was fine with that but explained he couldn't divulge anything about my Mums medical history and I said that was fine. I explained my concerns and the symptoms she is displaying and he listened, I also said that her coming to the doctors was out of the question.

This is the bit that impressed me - he said what he would do was get the Nurse to phone my Mum next Friday under the pretence of them reviewing all the patients medical notes and call her in for a routine blood pressure test (he did say when she last went to the docs 4 years ago her blood pressure was slightly high), when she comes into the surgery the nurse will do the blood pressure but NOT mention anything else just general chit chat then say that she needs to go back in a couple of months to have another blood pressure check.

He said that this will build Mums confidence of going to the docs and make her feel more comfortable about going and she might mention something else like her anxiety/depression when they can look further into it or they can gradually add a few more tests to the blood pressure test and slowly bring her round and maybe incorporate some memory tests eventually.

The appointment will be when I am away on holiday so will be interesting to see if Mum or Dad mention it when I return or if they keep it quiet.

I was so impressed with the doctor and he said not to worry and we'd all deal with this together - I could have hugged him !

I would like to think that all dctors are as good as him and will use "stealth" methods to get patients in !!!


Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
They are used to dealing with this and a good doctor will respect the patients emotional wellbeing as well as their physical. We can't mention the A or D word in front of Mum, she all but threw out the first Memory Doctor who mentioned it, told everyone he didn't know what he was talking about.

We had to get a different memory doctor to her this year and while they can't lie to her they didn't use the A or D word but described vascular dementia without saying the words which comforted her but let her know what was going on.

I am glad you feel relieved.

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