1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Weds 28 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

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Worried about losing home - Mums Care

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by Snafs, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. Theresalwaystomorrow

    Theresalwaystomorrow Registered User

    Dec 23, 2017
    Thinking of you Snafs x
    Thanks for sharing your story, but as previous post we all need to share these stories to the people that matter and put them to shame don’t we.
    We’ve all got different opinions that’s what makes the world go around but when it comes to this dreadful disease worse than cancer, then it should be automatically government funded.
    I really hope you keep your house as your parents wishes do keep us informed x
  2. allchange

    allchange Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    If the worst comes to the worst it may be possible for you to get a sheltered housing place, either local authority or housing association. The minimum age for this is 55 normally. It may not be what you want but is usually easier to get into than normal social housing, especially as a single male. Otherwise there is private rented, but this can be expensive and difficult to obtain if you are reliant on benefits.

    Not trying to depress you but please try to plan ahead in case you cannot get the bungalow disregarded. If it is then I think the council may allow a small amount of your mother's income to be used for building insurance.
  3. Pete R

    Pete R Registered User

    Jul 26, 2014
    Hardest thing I ever did in my life so far was take my Mom to her first Care Home so I do feel for you.:(

    You haven't mentioned your Mom for a while, is she OK with the move?

    Have you been and seen it?

    You mentioned something about the price but who is going to be paying and is it within the Local Authority budget?

  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    I hope you're ok @Snafs and that your mum is doing alright too.

    It's such a heartless system that could even consider taking your home off you. I wish you the best of luck with the assessment and hope that some compassion is shown for your situation. I'm finding it hard to believe that any authority could consider taking your home to be fair. It's stinks!

    I hope you come back and tell us good news.
  5. Selinacroft

    Selinacroft Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    Yes snafs- Dad was the same- in the army during the war and then never had a day off sick all his working life or claimed a penny in benefits . Never had any holidays for years as paying for the house. Mum worked and then housewife, I gave up job to care for elderly poor father and then you find yourself in your position.
    If you want to "go to press" I am happy to help . This situation needs greater publicity.
  6. ariadne17

    ariadne17 Registered User

    Jul 17, 2017
    Hello snafs,

    Firstly, love the ferret photo :)

    I haven't read all of the replies to your initial post but haven't seen anyone mention a really helpful organisation called Independent age (their website has org. at the end) If you contact them, they can give you some advice on the situation regarding your home. You can actually get to speak to someone to help you. I noticed someone suggested joining a carer's group. I would suggest that too. If you need to meet with social services or the health service, I would get someone to be with you. stress and nerves can make you forget things or just get told things that you then accept without thinking of challenging.

    I apologise if, somewhere in the 11 pages of posts, all of this has been suggested but, hopefully, things mentioned in posts have been helping.

    Posting here is a great way of getting support (as I'm sure you have found) especially as you say you have shyness issues..
  7. Daffy123

    Daffy123 Registered User

    Feb 1, 2018
    #207 Daffy123, Feb 1, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2018
    Snafs - Your could get carers allowance £62.70 and top up your money by working part time? At present you can add to carers allowance a £110 per week after deductions. However, if you have a look on general carers forums you should find threads where you can earn even more to top up a private pension. Staying at home for another 3 years could protect your home.

    This whole thread his a chord with me as there is a strong possibility I will be in a very similar situation at some point. I've looked after my mother since I was young child. Then became a carer to both parents. I stayed at home because my mother would have had to go into care at a very young age if i had not. I've not had a job for two decades as a result. except one of being a carer. Not had the opportunity of having my own life and family.
    I live in a run down 2 up to 2 down with my Mum and I'm 53. I worry about the future, as when your stuck away caring for other people for such a long time you are not interacting with the world as one could.
    As a result of caring I've not had the opportunity of having my own life and family. I wonder if it was worth it? If I gained the family home, it would be some compensation for my loss of freedom and enforced identity! Sometimes I wonder whether I made the right decision. I could have been selfish and looked after myself, instead of others.
    I worry all the time about the situation.
    Unfortunately, councils are trying to claw back money.

    I really hope that snafs continues to post as it would be very interesting to see how it all turns out. It could help others in a similar situation.
    All the best Snafs. I hope it works out well for you.
  8. Ginnykk5

    Ginnykk5 Registered User

    Jan 6, 2015
    Hemel Hempstead
    Im in the exact same position. I'm 56 and lived in my parents house for 48 years. It will have to be sold later this year to pay for his care. I often loose sleep trying to solve a problem that can't be solved. house prices round my way are ridiculously high. I always hoped i could look after dad at home till the end then i would at least have a small inheritance now its rapidly diminishing. I have no answers for you, but i understand your position, may fortune shine on you.
  9. Snafs

    Snafs Registered User

    Jan 2, 2018
    Sorry, I did not get any notifications of the last posts in this thread.

    It's too late now, and I have my CAB meeting tomorrow, though if I'm honest I'm not really expecting much to come from it, but I would love to be proven wrong.
    I hope it's not just "Sympathy and here are some numbers you can call"

    Losing my lifelong home, which is my only link to sanity and with the world is just not an option.
    I have nothing else in my life that keeps me sane, other than the familiarity, history, memories, safety of my home.
    I'm sure many won't understand this, but it's not a building. it's ME, my life, my brain, my soul is baked into every aspect of my home and garden.

    Having my mum constantly saying to me that she's glad I'm safe, and it's all yours, makes me cry when she says it, as, despite her condition, she naturally wants the best for me also.

    I'm planning on putting things from home in her room, before she gets there, and to be there to greet her. It's really upsetting as I want it to be like it was 6 months ago.

    If it were not for the Hospital messing up and constantly ignoring my warnings and requests, none of this would be happening. They messed up and I think I need to bring this to someones attention. If I knew then what i know now, I'd never have dialled 999, I'd have cleaned her up, sorted the meds out, and she'd be here still, as before.
  10. Snafs

    Snafs Registered User

    Jan 2, 2018
    Yes it feels so weird, having lived with someone for almost 58 years since the day I was born, other than the odd week, when mum/dad went on holiday and I stayed by myself at home (yes that sounds odd!) and no I did not have any party. Never ever did that, just home alone, parents have always been here.
    Took a long time for it to sink in dad was not here, and mum is still here in my mind, it odd putting stuff of hers in box's to take to the care home, but I want it to feel like home to her.
    I've still got loads of her stuff here, so she's very much around still.... :)

    Mum is scared if I'm not around. As anyone would be. Strange people come, say you can't stay where you are used to, bundle you in a van! and take to to a new strange place.
    Scary for anyone, let alone someone elderly. If I was by her side for this transition she'd be fine, but that's not practical given vague timeframes so I'm going to be there to greet her and probably spend many hours with her on her 1st day to settle her in. depending on times of course.

    Yes, been and seen it, very nice actually, Not seen her actual room, I saw one room which was fine, but she's in another, but i expect it should be the same other than the view out the window :)
    As I say, I want to get her things in her room as much as I can so she feels at home.
    I know she will want me to stay, and it will be hard to leave her, but I'm sure it will be fine after a short whilst and she gets to know people and staff there and the new routine.

    Part of me, still wants to go bring her home of course, but I'm going with what SS have told me is the right thing to do. It's their responsibility, and I'm not taking any of the "blame?" for the route things have taken.

    The financial side of things has yet to be worked out
  11. Snafs

    Snafs Registered User

    Jan 2, 2018
    Thanks for the sweet remark about the Fuzzy Ferret. He was one of a few I had a few years ago.
    In case anyone here does not understand, Ferrets are often mis-treated very badly in the UK.
    It';s so sad.
    Ferrets in the USA are looked upon as totally different animals.
    My Ferrets were looked after like USA ones. Large multi-story cage indoors, with tubes, hammocks to sleep in, various toys and old jumpers/blankets to snuggle up in.
    And they came out to play in the room every evening.

    Such amazing bundles of joy. Never seen an animal so happy to see you, and so amazingly nosy that they just had to investigate anything new you happened to bring into the room.

    Typing helps me a lot, it's easier than expressing yourself to people in public.
  12. Snafs

    Snafs Registered User

    Jan 2, 2018
    Not going to happen! I'd be probably taking other options (that I can't say here) before that scenario became a reality.
  13. Daffy123

    Daffy123 Registered User

    Feb 1, 2018
    There needs to be a change in government policy. Those who have given up most of their life to care for their parents should not find themselves homeless in the end. Carers are treated disgracefully. Not paid enough whilst caring and them dumped when their caring time is up. I've been a carer since a young child.
    Stating the obvious here. Carers are vulnerable due to the emotional/physical demands of the job Plus, there is often long term isolation.
    There needs to be a Care4me2 campaign!
  14. Snafs

    Snafs Registered User

    Jan 2, 2018
    Id like to take all I know now, with video recordings of now.
    Go back in time 20 years, show others, get everything legally put into place.
    Then now I'd not be faced with my current situation.
    Genuinely, right now I have two paths for my life to take, that is going to be decided.
    A good path, that was always assumed, mentally planned for and imagined as would be the case for past decades.
    A bad path, where basically I'm just destroyed mentally and financially, for the rest of my life as what happens in the next few weeks, will alter the rest of my life for the worse dramatically.
    It's hard to keep going through this.
  15. Snafs

    Snafs Registered User

    Jan 2, 2018
    Just an update.
    Mum in home now, settled and she's happy.
    I'm still faced with upcoming fight?
    I'm having real trouble with how life is right now, in a big way, I'm not handling this being alone well at all. REAL Trouble. :(
  16. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Anyone heard from Snafs?

    I wonder how this panned out in the end.

    Hope you are Okay Snafs
  17. Snafs

    Snafs Registered User

    Jan 2, 2018
    Hi, I'm still around, thanks for asking.
    Just been very busy dealing with appointments, keeping track of paperwork and phone calls.
    Making progress hopefully.
    I knew this start of the year was going to be a tough one to get thru, so it's just keep busy, focus and try and get thru it.
    Again, thanks :)

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