Worried about leaving dad with carers for first time

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Emmy_83, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Emmy_83

    Emmy_83 Registered User

    Mar 8, 2014
    72
    Yorkshire
    Hello all

    I have carers due to come in four times a day from next Monday and wonder how he will respond to them.

    I'm very sad to have to leave him alone but I need to return to work and don't live locally.

    Has anyone experience like this?

    I feel very guilty to leave him rolling around this house on his own.

    My mum has been sectioned for a month and is currently being treated in hospital after the stress of caring got to her. She wouldn't accept any support or carers and it has come to this.

    When she is well she will hopefully return home but I'm not sure how long that will be.

    If my dad should run out of money does the council continue to find carers coming in at home? I want them to remain in place even when my mum returns as she won't be in a position to become main carer I wouldn't think.

    Sorry for so many questions. So much going round in my head.
     
  2. Lancashirelady

    Lancashirelady Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    110
    Hi Emmy

    Do the carers already come to help your dad? If it's the first time they are coming I would make sure someone is with him on the first day to make sure it goes off as smoothly as possible. Please don't feel so guilty about leaving him - you have to look after your own mental and financial well being - though two years down the line I still fret about my Mum being on her own for chunks of the day.

    As for the money, the council will do a financial assessment which will determine how much your dad has to pay towards his care and Does he get attendance allowance? Mum is in Wakefield and I found the council were really good with the assessement and will help you with the forms for attendance allowance.
     
  3. Emmy_83

    Emmy_83 Registered User

    Mar 8, 2014
    72
    Yorkshire
    Hi LancashireLady thanks for your reply.

    Yes it's the first time he has been alone at home. My mum is usually his main carer but is in hospital at present and could be for a while.

    Has your mum got on ok with the carers going in and out? Any tips you'd advise?

    I plan to stay next week while he gets used to the carers but just the thought of him being alone makes me so sad.

    They are looking into the attendance allowance as he doesn't get it at present. I just worry he hasn't much in savings and once that runs out whether he'd not be able to have carers come to the house.
     
  4. tre

    tre Registered User

    Sep 23, 2008
    1,353
    Herts
    We got 72 hours ( not all at once) free care from Crossroads after the LA referred us. We have had no financial assessment and are still self funding but this did not affect this allocation. Our Crossroad's carer Jemma is lovely and David never minds being left with her.
    Tre
     
  5. Lancashirelady

    Lancashirelady Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    110
    Mum is fine with the carers, though can be resentful when they try to get her to do something she doesn't want eg get in the shower. It helps to have the same one or two carers who get to know all her little ways - and her tactics eg she always tells them she isn't hungry or that she's waiting for her husband to come home before she has her tea (he's been dead for 2 years) so the regular carers just put something in the microwave and don't give her the chance to object. How long is each care visit? Anything less than 1/2 hour isn't much use as they just rush in and out and have no time for a chat.

    I'm not sure what the rules are for contributions towards care as both Mum and Dad have been self funding but I'm sure you can get the info from someone else on TP. I know below a certain level you pay a proportion (or none) of the care costs depending on how little you have. Attendance allowance really helps here.
     
  6. Long-Suffering

    Long-Suffering Registered User

    Jul 6, 2015
    425
    Hi Emmy,

    One thing I'd add is that a lot depends on how many different carers they have coming in. One reason mum stopped my dad's carers was that it was a different one virtually every day and that was not only unsettling for them and dad in particular, but also meant that the carers never had chance to get to know about his needs and the best way to approach him. Instead they would write everything down in a book which the next carer was supposed to read, but in practice it meant that mum had to explain the same things over and over again, so in the end it was quicker for her to do it herself. I thought the whole set-up was doomed from the start. Maybe that's just the way it works in my local authority's area. Maybe other areas are better organised and send the same carers regularly.

    LS
     
  7. curtainsgalore

    curtainsgalore Registered User

    Nov 2, 2014
    46
    I moved in with my Mum while carers were sorted out. For a couple of days I stayed out of the way while the carers got on with their job and told them to pretend I wasn't there.
    I could hear them prompting Mum with eating,dressing, washing meds etc. It put my mind at rest and I leant how it all worked too. After the few days I made the decision to go home and see if it all worked without me there ( we do think we are the only ones to do things properly!) all went well for 8 months when my lovely Mums vascular dementia and Alzheimer's made it impossible for her to live alone. I feel happy that she had those extra months at home and that when she had to go into a CH the time was right.
    Dreadful driving away though, like leaving a toddler to live alone and so many dangers.
    Good luck and give it a go
    Cx
     
  8. Emmy_83

    Emmy_83 Registered User

    Mar 8, 2014
    72
    Yorkshire
    Curtainsgalore that's my plan for next week to ensure my dad is ok with the arrangement. Am dreading driving up and leaving him alone. It's the saddest moment I can imagine leaving him to roll around in the house on his own.

    I think there will be different carers but will see how it all goes next week. Think my dad will be happy for them to just be in for short time and leave. He doesn't chat much :) and snoozes a lot of the time.

    They suggested we get a keysafe but I'm unsure of this so just going to see how they get on next week with ringing the doorbell in the morning!
     
  9. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,475
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Can I ask why you have doubts about a key safe? It was one of the best decisions I made when mum was still living alone and I lived 60 miles away. It was the key in the safe which enabled the carer to get in when mum had fallen and was unable to get up. Otherwise the paramedics would have had to break down the door to get in.
     
  10. Emmy_83

    Emmy_83 Registered User

    Mar 8, 2014
    72
    Yorkshire
    Hi Pickles53. I just don't like the idea of putting a key to my dad's home outside. I think burglars who know their stuff will know what it is and it makes me feel uneasy.

    Has anyone else had good/bad experiences with them?
     
  11. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    801
    North East
    We have just recently convinced my mum to get a key safe. We got it through social services. It apparently is the only one that the police approve of so if you get one then make sure you get the right one.
    It has been put in a discrete place so it isn't visible from the path outside the house.
    We have got it as my dad is deaf, my mum is his main carer and they are both mid 80's. If anything happened to her then at least someone could get in quickly rather than ringing round several people to try and get an answer or breaking the door down.
    We felt that as social services and the police approved this kit then it must be ok. So far so good too.
     
  12. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,475
    Radcliffe on Trent
    It's always a balance of risks, but I felt that the risks to mum at home alone outweighed the possibility of burglars getting access to the keys. Plus we we went for a very secure key safe which is police- and insurance-company approved. It even had to be fitted by an accredited installer using special screws and tools so it couldn't be broken into from the back by removing it from the wall.

    A key safe was also a requirement for mum to have an emergency call button system at home in her local area. We got ours via the local Carelink people but they are available online.

    Have attached link, hope this OK with mods.

    http://www.securesafe.co.uk/supra-c...Ae9knjACo7JyRaKCm2HiHNgku7hbyPKI6rxoCVTLw_wcB
     

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