Worried about John

[Mameeskye]

Hi Hazel

It is with deep sadness that I read of John's passing. May he now have peace. You will miss him greatly and feel the void in the days to come.

I hope that with the undertakers' help that you and his sons can reach an agreement that will help you all. Grief hurts and emotional outbursts are common at this time. Thinks are said and each person thinks of their own point of view, without thinkig it through...at least I hope that is how is stepsons are...just unthinking about everything. Some people are never able to share and they will be feeling bereft at the moment, at the loss of both parents, particularly if there is so much hurt in the passing involved too.

You will need strength and courage to face the coming days. You have always offered me so much support through my times of darkness that I just wish that there was more I could do to help. I would have come to visit you if I had still been in the northern hemisphere, but now that is not possible.

HAve a nice whisky tonight and cherish your shared happy memories. That is what is important, the life you shared.

Love

Mameeskye

 

[scarletpauline]

So sorry to hear of your sad loss of John, and I do so hope that his sons consider your feelings after all those years together and allow you to give John the funeral you want, love Pauline xxx

 

[sunray]

Oh my dear Hazel,too much to bear, losing John and now having a battle about the funeral. You have been John's carer and constant companion for 15 years so you have the say! Tell them in a firm voice - your father BUT my husband. Those grown up sons need to give a thought to others,and should be giving you the thanks and praise you deserve, not more grief.

(((Hugs))) from Sue.

 

[susiesue]

John would be so ashamed of them.

Perhaps you should tell them that!!!

How awful for you - you really don't need this now. Nobody could have cared for John better than you and I agree with Sue (Sunray) that they should be thanking you for looking after their father all these years.

Keep strong

Love

 

[EmJ]

Thinking of you Hazel.

EmJ x

 

[Beezed]

Dear Hazel,

So sorry to hear of John's passing. I wish you strength in the days and weeks to come.

Love,

Jeanne

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Hazel,

I am so sorry to read of John's passing.

May you be granted the strength to get you through the coming days.

Understand 100% about step-children, I too went through that and like Peter, John would be ashamed.

Love from
Christine xx

 

[twinone]

Dear Hazel

Your stepsons are being unreasonable expecially when you have been such a devoted wife for so long.

I hope that they see sense and let you arrange things the way that you and John would want.

What an awful time to start shouting at you when you are still in shock over losing your husband.

Love Janet

 

[Skye]

Thank you once again for your supportive messages. Today has been much better.

Eldest step-son was much calmer, and willing to talk today. We walked round the grounds of the crem, it's very new, and very lovely. There is a large lake with swans, which can be watched gliding by during the service. Very calming. Round the lake are trees with a small wooden stake with a name plate. You can choose your site, and the type of tree, and you are allowed to plant flowers round the base, but no cut flowers. It's surrounded by open countryside with cows. It's all so peaceful. Mark had never been there, and it completely changed his views, so he has agreed. If he hadn't it couldn't have happened, as all interested parties have to agree before cremation can take place, so that's such a relief for me. I haven't heard from the other brothers, but presumably Mark has spoken to them.

The three sons are going to carry the coffin, and ha asked if my son would make up the fourth, which is nice. Hopefully the battles are over. Mark is going to talk about his life with his dad, and his daughter will do a reading, so everyone will be involved, which is what I wanted in the first place.

The funeral will be next Tuesday at 12 noon. Hopefully peace has broken out!

Love,

 

[gigi]

Dear Hazel,

It's so good to hear that the family problems are being resolved and that both families will be involved in John's funeral.

That must give you some comfort.

Hope you are taking care of yourself.

Love xx

 

[susiesue]

Oh I am pleased and you must be so relieved. It sounds like a beautiful setting.

Good Luck on Tuesday.

Love

 

[TinaT]

I'm so glad that the extended family have reached agreement with you. It is something you should not have had to worry about in the first place. The crematorium sounds as though it will be a somewhere you will able to visit and get some solace from in the future. I do hope so Hazel.

My thoughts are with you at this very sad time.

xxTinaT

 

[lesmisralbles]

Within a couple of hours of John's death, I had one step-son ranting and raving at me, calling me an evil woman, because I wouldn't let him organise the funeral. He was the one who departed immediately John was given two days to live, because he 'couldn't bear to watch his father die!' Not much support there then!

I've just had the eldest son, who started out being supportive, but then started on the same tack, and again started trying to browbeat me. Turns out they think John should be buried with their mother, and my 15 years of happiness and love written out.

Why are people so downright nasty? I know they've just lost their father, but I've just lost my husband. And how much care did any of them give him when we both needed support?

I've a meetung with the undertaker tomorrow, and eldest son yelled at me as he was leaving that he'll be here.

What I wanted to be a calm, peaceful celebration of John's life is turning into a battleground.

John would be so ashamed of them.
Quote : Skye


Hello
Why are people so downright nasty? I know they've just lost their father, but I've just lost my husband. And how much care did any of them give him when we both needed support?

I do not know.
But I went through a bit of the same.
I held my breath, was as dignified as I could be, and thought of Ron X.
It can be a calm and peaceful celebration, hold your head up high, what is in your heart, NO ONE can take away.
With love
Barb X

 

[timthumb]

also my thoughts are with you

god bless you

tim

 

[Loopiloo]

So pleased and relieved that peace has come, and may it continue and everything will be as you wanted, all the family involved. What a beautiful setting you described.

Loopiloo xx

 

[Tender Face]

Well done, Hazel. As in John’s life, you have hit a hurdle and come through it with dignity, compromise and compassion and found a resolution that fulfils everyone’s needs as best they can be. Most of all, John’s. How absolutely wonderful.

Perhaps one day your stepsons will appreciate what you have done at this moment and in the years past. For now that matters little ... just hope you have the ‘celebration’ of John’s life and your time together that you and he so deserve,

My love to you ...
Karen, x

 

[Mameeskye]

Hazel,

It sounds like a beautiful place. I am so glad that one of John's sons has seen it. I sometimes think that people just do not think in the first phases of grief. Sons who have displayed "can't cope" tendencies sometimes think only of themselves and I just don't think are truly empathetic to others feelings.

As Karen says they will hopefully come to realise and give thanks for what you have done for their Dad in the days and months to come. You have dealt with it well.

Hope you get a peaceful sleep and have tender dreams.

Will be thinking of you next Tuesday. I hope that you can celebrate John's life in style.

Love to you

Mameeskye

 

[Izzy]

The setting you describe sounds beautiful Hazel. I particularly like the idea of plants rather than cut flowers. It's so good to hear that your step sons have seem sense. I have no doubt that the ceremony will be beautiful and fitting. I will be going off on holiday next Tuesday so won't be able to log in. May I just say now that I will be thinking of you and wish you strength for the day and the weeks and months to come. Izzy x

 

[Michele]

Dear Hazel,

Sending you loads of hugs.

Love
Michele
xxx

 

[Margaret W]

In a way, I can see how the stepsons are feeling. They have only one dad. A woman can have more than one husband. So they perhaps felt that their wishes should be paramount.

But you seem to have come to an amicable agreement Hazel, and the setting seems beautiful, and I wish you all the best for what will be no doubt a very sad and stressful occasion next Tuesday, but hopefully one fitting for a lovely man and the wife who cared so much for him in his troubled years. You will have done him proud.

You can perhaps involve your stepchildren in composing an entry for the Book of Remembrance, which is displayed in the crematorium office on every anniversary of his death.

Much love

Margaret