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Worried about how I'm feeling

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Gg2, Aug 20, 2015.

  1. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    My dad passed away very peacefully on Saturday whilst I was sat at his side and holding his hand.

    I feel 'ok'. I've had some weepy moments, some pain but no where near what I would imagine.

    I saw my dad every day and loved every inch of him. We were extremely close. It doesn't make sense to feel this way.

    I understand that it may hit me later but I'm so worried it will knock me over and I will collapse in an emotional heap.

    My wonderful dad had suffered with Alzheimer's for about a year but really only became poorly the last few weeks. I hated when people said it would be a blessing.

    When I lost my mum, it was a shock- unexpected and it took me years to get over it but the grieving and pain started straight away.

    I'm 8.5 months pregnant and do worried about the way I feel. I've notified the midwife for them to keep an eye on me.





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  2. piph

    piph Registered User

    Feb 4, 2013
    1,530
    Northamptonshire
    Please don't take this the wrong way, but, being 8.5 months pregnant, you may have 'baby brain' at the moment. It's natures way of making you more focussed on the coming baby, than on anything else. If that's the case I don't think there is a lot you can do about it. Yes, you may find that after the baby is born that it hits you hard, but you will have the baby to focus on, and you will probably be too busy to collapse in an emotional heap. You will need to keep going for the baby's sake.
     
  3. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,534
    North East England
    Be kind to yourself, Gg2. You have had a lot of stress, you've just lost your darling dad, you are due to give birth shortly, and perhaps feeling a little bit numb is your mind's way of protecting you. There is no right or wrong way to feel. You just feel how you feel. Try to go with it.

    Big hugs x
     
  4. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    When I lost my dad I was bereft. I was only 27 he was 57. To this day I think of him fondly and have kept everything he ever made ,good and bad. I lost mum to dementia on my 50 th birthday. I was sad but somehow never felt the overwhelming grief I did with dad. Maybe the first loss is felt the most. Don't know ,.It may never hit you but I'm sure when thebbaby is born you will think of your mum and how proud she would be of her new grandchild. Think of her fondly and with joy not with sorrow for what she's missed.
     
  5. elaina

    elaina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    41
    Somerset
    Hello again. I have been wondering how you were. It is such a surreal time isn't it? I guess your hormones will also be controlling the way you are feeling. I remember you saying in another post that you hoped that you had no regrets - it is fantastic that you held your dad's hand as he died. Perhaps that brought you some peace and acceptance.
    AS you know, I found the week that my dad was not eating and drinking such a harrowing experience. As a result, it was a sense of relief that I felt when I was told he had died. I was going to be travelling up the motorway again that very day to be with him again but it was not to be. Since that time, I have just felt a terrible grief. Have felt like I have not been able to face the world. I don't think there is any "normal" reaction. I think I have been lucky to get to the age of 52 with both of my parents still alive - and yet the thought of not seeing my dad again feels me with overwhelming sadness.
    You were obviously a fantastic daughter to your dad, and you continue to be that same fantastic daughter. Your love has not changed so don't be too hard on yourself. Just take it hour by hour, day by day. Your love, as indeed the love I have for my dad, will remain and that is what matters.
    Sorry for droning on!

    Elaina xx
     
  6. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    Elaina, that's a lovely message. I hope as the days go on you will feel less grief. The carers today said they strongly believe that people choose and they said they knew when I left on Saturday afternoon is be coming back that night but they said so many families sit for days and nip home only for their loved one to pass away.
    Your dad probably didn't want you travelling up the motorway that day.

    I do feel it's not normal for me. I feel so at peace. The vicar has just left and I kept saying how I must seem strange how together I am. He said it wasn't strange.

    I will try and be a little less hard on myself.

    Thanks for your replies.


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  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
     
  8. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    So a trip to a restaurant that was also one of the places we last took my dad had me in floods of tears tonight. I miss him so much


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  9. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    Hi Gg2
    I know how it feels to lose a parent but in in your position eight and a half months pregnant I'd consider the whole Circle of Life thing and accept your loss (and I know that isn't as easy to do as it is to say) and focus on the new person about to enter your life whilst also remembering the one who just left.
    As a parent (my daughter is 32 tomorrow) that's what I'd tell her if anything happened to me, the way I can still be there in the future is through the generations yet to come.
    Sorry, I'm pretty rubbish at putting my feelings into words sometimes and that's the best I can do.
    K
     
  10. elaina

    elaina Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    41
    Somerset
    Just so hard.
    x
     
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,548
    Female
    South coast
    I lost my dad when I was in the late stages of pregnancy too.
    It all seemed like a dream, or acting in a film - I kept half expecting the director to jump out and say "cut, cut - please can we have a little more emotion here....."
    I think its natures ways of making sure the baby is looked after.
    The grief hit me about a year later.

    Dont worry about it all. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to react - we are all different.
     
  12. Gg2

    Gg2 Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    81
    Canary- that's how I feel. However we went to a restaurant last night that brought the memories flooding back and I couldn't stop crying. X


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

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