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Worried about how I'm feeling

Gg2

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
81
My dad passed away very peacefully on Saturday whilst I was sat at his side and holding his hand.

I feel 'ok'. I've had some weepy moments, some pain but no where near what I would imagine.

I saw my dad every day and loved every inch of him. We were extremely close. It doesn't make sense to feel this way.

I understand that it may hit me later but I'm so worried it will knock me over and I will collapse in an emotional heap.

My wonderful dad had suffered with Alzheimer's for about a year but really only became poorly the last few weeks. I hated when people said it would be a blessing.

When I lost my mum, it was a shock- unexpected and it took me years to get over it but the grieving and pain started straight away.

I'm 8.5 months pregnant and do worried about the way I feel. I've notified the midwife for them to keep an eye on me.





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CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Be kind to yourself, Gg2. You have had a lot of stress, you've just lost your darling dad, you are due to give birth shortly, and perhaps feeling a little bit numb is your mind's way of protecting you. There is no right or wrong way to feel. You just feel how you feel. Try to go with it.

Big hugs x
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
539
Shropshire
When I lost my dad I was bereft. I was only 27 he was 57. To this day I think of him fondly and have kept everything he ever made ,good and bad. I lost mum to dementia on my 50 th birthday. I was sad but somehow never felt the overwhelming grief I did with dad. Maybe the first loss is felt the most. Don't know ,.It may never hit you but I'm sure when thebbaby is born you will think of your mum and how proud she would be of her new grandchild. Think of her fondly and with joy not with sorrow for what she's missed.
 

elaina

Registered User
Aug 10, 2015
41
Somerset
Hello again. I have been wondering how you were. It is such a surreal time isn't it? I guess your hormones will also be controlling the way you are feeling. I remember you saying in another post that you hoped that you had no regrets - it is fantastic that you held your dad's hand as he died. Perhaps that brought you some peace and acceptance.
AS you know, I found the week that my dad was not eating and drinking such a harrowing experience. As a result, it was a sense of relief that I felt when I was told he had died. I was going to be travelling up the motorway again that very day to be with him again but it was not to be. Since that time, I have just felt a terrible grief. Have felt like I have not been able to face the world. I don't think there is any "normal" reaction. I think I have been lucky to get to the age of 52 with both of my parents still alive - and yet the thought of not seeing my dad again feels me with overwhelming sadness.
You were obviously a fantastic daughter to your dad, and you continue to be that same fantastic daughter. Your love has not changed so don't be too hard on yourself. Just take it hour by hour, day by day. Your love, as indeed the love I have for my dad, will remain and that is what matters.
Sorry for droning on!

Elaina xx
 

Gg2

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
81
Elaina, that's a lovely message. I hope as the days go on you will feel less grief. The carers today said they strongly believe that people choose and they said they knew when I left on Saturday afternoon is be coming back that night but they said so many families sit for days and nip home only for their loved one to pass away.
Your dad probably didn't want you travelling up the motorway that day.

I do feel it's not normal for me. I feel so at peace. The vicar has just left and I kept saying how I must seem strange how together I am. He said it wasn't strange.

I will try and be a little less hard on myself.

Thanks for your replies.


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Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
I do feel it's not normal for me. I feel so at peace. The vicar has just left and I kept saying how I must seem strange how together I am. He said it wasn't strange.

I will try and be a little less hard on myself.
/QUOTE]




I could never understand why people keep saying to me " It will hit you "

Like you I was worried it will knock me over and I will collapse in an emotional heap, but then
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
we all learn over the years with our grieving that crying is a good therapy for the body :)

One of my daughters marisa was pregnant when we had 2 bereavements in few short mouths between each bereavements.

Marisa always tells us that she never had the time to grieve
When the baby was born she had post postnatal depression.

Her partner was not very support all Marisa wanted was a shoulder to cry into .
Marisa got that shoulder to cry in from us her family, friends .

As her family was where all emotional connected with our grief that ,Marisa needed more help .
So Marisa reach out went to the doctors got Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) talking therapy

Marisa never ended up in a heap on the floor .
Which I am sure you will not also :)
 

Gg2

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
81
So a trip to a restaurant that was also one of the places we last took my dad had me in floods of tears tonight. I miss him so much


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Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
4,764
Salford
Hi Gg2
I know how it feels to lose a parent but in in your position eight and a half months pregnant I'd consider the whole Circle of Life thing and accept your loss (and I know that isn't as easy to do as it is to say) and focus on the new person about to enter your life whilst also remembering the one who just left.
As a parent (my daughter is 32 tomorrow) that's what I'd tell her if anything happened to me, the way I can still be there in the future is through the generations yet to come.
Sorry, I'm pretty rubbish at putting my feelings into words sometimes and that's the best I can do.
K
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,420
South coast
I lost my dad when I was in the late stages of pregnancy too.
It all seemed like a dream, or acting in a film - I kept half expecting the director to jump out and say "cut, cut - please can we have a little more emotion here....."
I think its natures ways of making sure the baby is looked after.
The grief hit me about a year later.

Dont worry about it all. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to react - we are all different.
 

Gg2

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
81
Canary- that's how I feel. However we went to a restaurant last night that brought the memories flooding back and I couldn't stop crying. X


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