worlds apart?


Registered User
Mar 29, 2007
my nan has had a social worker for her dementia for about a month or so. Initially we belived that things might move in the right direction once we had her on board. now it seems that she wants to pass everything back to us. i also severely doubt her knowledge of dementia. she called my grandparents this morning who gave her a very rosy view of the world. nan told her she was taking her medication, was planning to have a shower tomorrow etc etc. everything the social worker wanted to hear. Then the social worker sounded surprised to hear that this vision of their world wasnt true, surely she should know better than that?!?!?!?!

She is also avoiding now talking to my nan about her respite placement coming up on bank holiday monday. when she talked to nan about it last week nan went mad, screaming and shouting and getting very aggressive. so now she told my mum she will not be bringing the subject up again as it upsets nan too much, but that we should keep talking to nan about it!!! what worries me most is that after seeing nans reaction about the respite she boldly said that she would arrange for nan to be sectioned. now a week on she is telling my mum that she wont be doing this and that we will have to force nan to go on the day. how on earth do we do this?

sorry to rant and ramble on, feel better now. Hope everyone else's thursday's are going ok. thanks for listening.


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Well I think you're probably right to doubt the social worker's ability, or her knowledge of procedures for that matter: how likely would it be that someone could be sectioned for refusing to go to respite? Not very. I suppose, if one wished to be charitable, although you probably don't feel like being so, that she might feel that constsnt repetition on your part about respite might get through to your nan, although in truth, I suspect that she has absolutely no idea how to deal with this level of stubborness. Unfortunately, I am no longer amazed by the so called professionals who have no idea about how self-deluded our loved ones can be about their capabilities. If they can string a coherent sentence together, the assumption is that what they are saying is true, which isn't always the case by any means. I don't I'm afraid have any suggestions about how to get her to respite. Depending on her personality you might be able to play the guilt card on her, i.e. she's going to respite so that your mother can have a rest that she needs for her own health, but that would depend very much on her.




Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
what worries me most is that after seeing nans reaction about the respite she boldly said that she would arrange for nan to be sectioned.

I remember now in Gibraltar a social worker telling me that when she pick my mother up from the police station ( mum got lost )and mum got mad at her , what I thought I can not say on hear when she said that to me , but it is a shock to hear them say that , wonder who they think they are

No they are not trained in dementia is all I can say , all social worker are trained in is how to set up the services , and how to hold them back .

And that reaction she got from your grandmother was will warranted, as that is what my mother use to do to me , social worker like me learn the hard way , that you can just come out with it just like that .

What I learn to do was not tell my mother to the night before a trick I learn was to say that I was so ill so down that if I did not get away for a few weeks I could not look after you , well it was the truth , yes my mother would argue back saying could this person look after me , or that person , I just pack her bags , taxi picks me up mum moans all the way, I use to feel guilty , but I lean over the years why should I .

I remember the first time and mum only went to respite , because her sister was ill in Gibraltar or I had to look after my brother, she would say don’t move my bed don’t change anything really its fear that I was not going to pick her up , she scared and who can blame she lost the logic to undertand

So now she trust me that I will pick her up , but still she does not like it so I have to tell her the night before and tell her I need a rest , soon as she come back home she saying I ‘m not going again, I say ok and I leave it at that , till the next time I feel I need respite
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