Working vs Caring

[Miss A]

Hi all,

I am 29 and look after my Dad who has mixed middle stages of dementia. I have no outside help from SS or a private care firm.

Seeing Dad deteriorate very quickly and needing more and more help in everyday life has made me stop and think about my current career path. I work full time as a designer and graduated nearly 8 years ago with a degree in graphic design. However, being a full time carer has recently made me question if I am in the right profession. My job doesn't seem as important or satisfying anymore, it feels so, trivial now. I come home feeling frustrated and resentful having to troubleshoot peoples so call problems at work. These are not problems to me and I loose my temper at peoples over reactions that quite frankly make no difference to the world.

Has anybody experienced this before? Can dementia change your opinions, interests and beliefs. Some people have said to me that I'm just tired and over stretched but I have felt like this for months now. Looking after my Dad has made me re-evaluate what I care about and one of those things are the people and their love ones who live with dementia every day.

Thank you

Xx


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[ASH74]

Not so much the dementia......but the caring......seeing how life can change so suddenly (from any illness) for both the "patient" and the carer...........making the most of everyday......because it can change very quickly. Being tired doesn't help and I wouldn't make any drastic decisions ATM. Hugs.....


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[garnuft]

I think you're wrestling with the fundamentals because of course in the greater scheme of things how you find a short cut on the computer doesn't compare with the struggles of life.

But it IS life and that takes illness, cruelty, devastion, death, joy pleasure and laughter into it's remit.

I counsel you NOT to give up your career but just to see it as a blip, a questioning, a re-evaluation everyone makes them, throughout their life, if they're aware enough but be aware of throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Would your Dad be glad you threw it all down the plug hole?

It's understandable you feel challenged by trivialities, I find myself having little sympathy for people who have few challenges but can't cope, I am weary of coping, bitterness and cynicism are my best friends.

Try to find another way...could you take some time off while you gather yourself and assess what is needed? then find a way to get support for your Dad that doesn't mean his dreams for you are lost too?

Please try to keep your finger in the pie, to mix my metaphors, it's hard to get back in the swing when you've cut the rope.

 

[sah]

I would support ASH74. The strain of caring is immense and I certainly wouldn't make major changes now.

I do understand though; I was always totally focussed on my career - loved it- but it doesn't matter so much now-just a means to an ends which I find sad. However, I'm sure that is because my energies are being drained by the situation at home and, as I'm near to the end of my working life ( well-8 years off retirement, so nearer than you by a long way!) I'm just going with the flow at the moment.

Has your dad had his needs assessed? Just wondering why you aren't getting any help. I don't either-but think we're getting close to needing it so will be looking into it soon.

 

[VickyG]

Hi all,

I am 29 and look after my Dad who has mixed middle stages of dementia. I have no outside help from SS or a private care firm.

Seeing Dad deteriorate very quickly and needing more and more help in everyday life has made me stop and think about my current career path. I work full time as a designer and graduated nearly 8 years ago with a degree in graphic design. However, being a full time carer has recently made me question if I am in the right profession. My job doesn't seem as important or satisfying anymore, it feels so, trivial now. I come home feeling frustrated and resentful having to troubleshoot peoples so call problems at work. These are not problems to me and I loose my temper at peoples over reactions that quite frankly make no difference to the world.

Has anybody experienced this before? Can dementia change your opinions, interests and beliefs. Some people have said to me that I'm just tired and over stretched but I have felt like this for months now. Looking after my Dad has made me re-evaluate what I care about and one of those things are the people and their love ones who live with dementia every day.

Thank you

Xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app

Hi

Good on you for looking after your dad. It's not easy is it ?
I don't know how some people can do it when they've had little or no formal training or experience. I've worked in Dementia care for around 15 years, ( in residential and dementia homes ) and it's not easy caring for someone 24/7 at home. I know this because, even with my experience, i took my mum out of her care home back in January to live with myself and my family. Mum's almost at the very end now, it's been a very long, demanding, tiring, worrying, stressful and tearful 8 years, with a few happy moments and laughs in between, along with lots of cuddles and lovely times in the last 6 months or so. The thing I've learned over the years is to just take it as it comes, enjoy the happy times, share the not so happy times. Speak about things to someone you know you can do. And make time for YOU.
You are young enough to go back to what you were doing, or, maybe try something new, in time. I'm 44, and i really don't know if i ever want to go back into care. That said, never say never eh

Take care and look after yourself x

 

[Aitchbee]

Hi. I used to work for the NHS but found that my whole life seemed to be about caring when Mum's dementia got worse. I now work part-time in a library and, for me,it has been a life saver. It gives me a break and enables me to switch off from caring and do something completely different. I guess, for you, it depends on how much your job adds to, or alleviates the stress of caring